The Saga of Dan Smith ‘Who Am I?' Part II

The image of Tammy and Gloria’s sister walking away at the airport left me empty inside. Gloria would take the red eye back to Dallas, and I would do what I do, fight bad guys.

The love I had willingly ignored after Connie passed haunted me night after night. During the day, when I was actively searching for digital villains or the payload they left behind, my emotions were locked away. In the wee hours, when sleep was elusive, they came alive.

Most nights, I tossed and turned until the alarm finally saved me from myself. The images of that hurt little girl slowly faded into the foggy mirror of the hotel bathroom. Breakfast in the community cafeteria was the standard fare. Help yourself to what you will.

The headline in the paper talked about a cyber-attack on a bank. The news was out. The bank would suffer in the markets. I had not finished my second cup of coffee and my phone rang.

A driver would pick me up in thirty minutes. It was time for action.

I preferred to work in the shadows. A person can become a target if the criminal actor is part of a crime syndicate. Once I analyzed the attack, I would know if this was a random or targeted assault on the bank itself.

Many viruses or other nuisance assaults were students learning to program. Some were so nefarious they were created by the anti-virus software company, which promoted itself as better than the rest.

Who else would benefit from programs that screw up computers without an apparent payoff to the person who created the bug?

Targeted assaults are different and usually organized by a government or a powerful criminal element.

I focused my weapons or countermeasures on the mission. As data coalesced, I realized that the State Department would need to be involved.

This attack was from a Russian entity that may or may not have been associated with the Kremlin. It was not unheard of for Oligarchs to go rogue. Much like the mafia, these people felt as if they are above the law.

Once I plugged the security hole, the government tasked me with determining where the attack originated.

As a retired Colonel, I was non-too pleased about taking orders from the government again.

I learned many of my skills from the Air Force. It was not unheard of for them to call upon retired officers with unique skills.

My face appeared on the paper’s front page as the person who saved the bank from a run. To say I was upset would be putting things mildly. That journalist painted a target on my back whether he knew it or not.

Gloria saw the paper while in Dallas. She called me late that night.

“I thought you worked in the shadows?”

I huffed a short laugh. “It would seem my cover was blown. Anyway, I am about finished here and plan to lay low for a while. Are you in town?”

Gloria laughed at my predicament. She told me that most people would enjoy the adulation from the press. “Hell, the president might pin a medal on your chest,” she said.

I honestly did work in the shadows and let others take the credit. I didn’t need any more medals.

“I wanted to get up there to see Tammy, but we are short-staffed because of the flu. Are you free?” She asked.

“Free?”

“Do you have time to take a little side trip?”

“With you? I thought you were booked.”

I heard her breathing heavily into the phone before she began to speak. “Tammy…” Her voice trailed off…

“What about Tammy?”

“I hate to burden you with my problems.”

“Gloria, stop beating around the bush; what about Tammy?”

“My sister is worried. Tammy feels like she is a burden and the world would be better off without her.”

There was silence on both ends of the line. Now it was my cheeks that were damp. That kid wasn’t even mine or my responsibility; somehow, she infected my heart.

“Why does Linda say this?”

There was a pause. “She found a letter Tammy had written to you. It was a goodbye note to tell you she loved you. She wanted to thank you for your kindness.”

I felt like my heart stopped beating. I wasn’t equipped for this. Gloria was silent as I thought the process through.

“Does your sister have an extra room?”

“Yes, what are you thinking?”

I pictured how this might work before I laid out my plan.

“Before this job, I didn’t know a hard drive from a floppy disk. I used to think these names were dreamt up by sexually frustrated nerds. I wanted to put bad people in their place, much like my stent in the Air Force, where I bombed the enemy. The goal was the same, protect and defend the defenseless. Ever since Tammy and I met, I have researched mental health in girls that age, much like learning my job to become a forensic expert. You have to learn and train to be a fighter pilot. It takes motivation to learn. I am motivated to help her, ok?”

“Dan, you’re not a shrink.”

I laughed, “No, I am not an expert in the shrinking of heads, but I know enough about it to find someone that is an expert.”

She chuckled, “What are your thoughts, Dr. Dan?”

Gloria was mocking me, but only for fun. Gloria knew that I was above average on the intelligence quotient. There was a fine line between genius and insanity. I often straddled that fence. Aspergers ran in my family, and it seemed to work to my advantage for what I do. That is most certainly why I was an introvert. Aspergers allowed me to get lost in the matrix.

What little I had read on mental health came to mind quickly enough. “I need to convince Tammy that she has value and makes a difference. She feels like a burden on her family, which she probably is.”

“She isn’t a burden, well not really…do you think…?”

I nodded as if she could see me over the phone. “She has been shuffled around with no sense of purpose. She most certainly feels like she is an imposition at best. Imagine having a stable home, a room with your stuff and friends. Imagine having parents who love you, celebrate your successes, and commiserate with you when you fail. No offense, Gloria, but your family treats her like a dog or cat needing a new home. She is much more complicated than an animal that needs food, a place to poop, and a warm bed.”

I upset Gloria, and I knew it. Like the rest of her family, she needed to own part of the blame. I don’t know why I could see it and they couldn’t. They were just trying to place a checkmark in a box while hunting for the correct box.

I heard her crying. Gloria was reluctant to want to believe that this was a ploy for attention. Where was the card, and was it purposefully put where her sister could find it? She seemed to resist the implication of her part of the problem.

“She sounds fine when I talk to her on the phone.”

“Do I sound upset right now?”

“No…”

“I am upset. People don’t fake depression. They fake happiness. She needs a doctor, but in the meantime, she needs a sense of purpose.”

“Dan, how do you know so much about everything?”

“I read a lot. I live alone, and I don’t watch TV. When Connie was sick, she wanted to do assisted suicide. She was in pain.”

“Did she?”

My eyes were damp once again as she asked me more about Connie. “Yes and no. When the pain levels were too much for her, the hospice people kept her sedated with morphine until she passed. I am not going to allow Tammy to hurt herself.”

Once again, I only heard the rain hitting the window where she stood.

“Tammy is twelve. She is technically emancipated. We can’t order her to do anything.”

“I never intended to order her. Tammy is smart; I know I can use her intelligence. Arrange with your sister for me to visit. If you are ok with it, I will spend time with Tammy until you can make it up there.”

“Dan, you might be a lifesaver.”

I knew well that Tammy might have just left that letter for attention, but…she might be thinking it, which is unacceptable. If she were to hurt herself, it would crush her family as they would carry the guilt. It would also destroy me. I know this is preventable.

Tammy did make a difference, and I was growing to love her as my own.

Gloria and I chatted for an hour before I let her go. I needed to change the subject and get us off the proverbial ledge of insanity.

I arranged to keep the rental car for an undetermined amount of time. Linda appeared to be more than thrilled to see me. She was a widow of a soldier who stepped on an IED. Like the rest of us, she was emotionally damaged by her husband's and sister’s death.

Tammy hugged my neck when she saw me. She was unaware that I knew about her depression. I needed to get her to a psychologist.

The first trick was getting Tammy on board with the program. She needed help, and it would take more than a hug from me or Gloria.

Two days after my arrival, we drove back into the city to pick up Gloria. I felt way out of place with the two sisters and their niece, but then again, I connected to Tammy in a paternal way, and it stuck.

We spoke of her art and her musical talent. Instead of brow-beating her about what she would undoubtedly perceive as a failure, we let her know how special she was.

School would start soon, and that is all about teaching to the test and giving feedback which is almost always negative. Tammy needed people in her life that would build her up and convince her that she made a difference.

What I came to realize is that Tammy did make a difference in me. The lies I had told myself about a higher calling and staying single were crap. I was in denial, and it became clear that Connie’s death did more than just scar me emotionally. I needed that therapy as much as she did. That was a tough pill to swallow. How could I sell the idea of mental assistance to Tammy if I denied that I also needed it?

Gloria returned to work, leaving Linda, Tammy, and me to work through the cobwebs in our heads. The good doctor must have felt like she hit the lottery when she saw us, Tammy, then Linda, and myself.

It was good to lead by example, and surprisingly Tammy was more of the leader than I was. I was mature enough not to let the depression get to me. That’s what I told myself. I hid from life in the matrix.

Gloria came back to find the three of us in a better place. While her eyes were brown, I would have sworn they were green when she saw how close we had all become. Gloria, like her sisters, was Irish by heritage. Clearly, she was not thrilled about how close we were.

It was time for me to go back to work.

Tammy and I spoke nightly, and Linda kept taking her to the counselor as needed. Paying for both their visits was the least I could do.

I heard from Gloria much more often. When she was in town, we began dating regularly. I knew where this was headed, but we both needed to move slowly.

The nightly visions of Connie’s lifeless body became less frequent. I envisioned Gloria as part of my life. She was stunningly attractive when she wore everyday clothing. She talked me into taking ballroom dance lessons. My skills in this area sucked, but Gloria made me look like I had danced my whole life.

The change in me and my ability to focus on my job was exceptional. I didn’t realize how much junk I was carrying around.

Had it not been for Tammy, I would never seek out the services of a therapist. Men like me tend to live with our damaged past. There really is an inner child, which is the foundation of who we are.

When I witnessed the underpinning of Tammy’s world destroyed by a person who drives under the influence, it dawned on me that more help was needed.

Texas had plenty of children in need of assistance programs.

Children commit suicide at an alarming rate. That is possibly why they experiment with drugs that can quickly kill them. They know there are serious risks and don’t care about the outcome. They don’t see a future.

The conversations around the dinner table are possibly bleak, with the cost of things high up on the list. Maybe they watch their parents work double shifts and have side hustles to pay the bills.

I made a sizable contribution to a company designed to assist children that could not afford the help otherwise. The humorous part was the donation consisted of money earned from locking up those who would harm children, companies, or others while extorting money from them.

I never told Tammy or Linda, or even Gloria of my donations. I was also thankful that through Tammy’s need for assistance, I benefited from swallowing my pride and talking to a stranger about my past.

More needed to happen. I had to walk a fine line between doing something for Tammy and committing to the woman who admired me.

My job was dangerous because I often had a target on my back.

Thanks to that reporter, I felt as if I were under surveillance.

My paranoia was justified.

Someone was watching my location and establishing patterns. I told Gloria I was working and would contact her when I returned. Whoever was tracking me waited for me to be in a position where they could easily capture or kill me.

They were hired by someone else and were not good at their job. I should not have known I was being tailed.

My routine changed to a pattern they could easily follow. There needed to be a place with a dark alley and maybe a dumpster. I found a perfect Chinese restaurant. While they set a trap for me, I developed a snare for them.

For two weeks, I set the pattern. I parked where I would be forced to walk by that dark alley.

Eventually, I heard the slide of a Glock, and I froze. I pushed a button on a hidden transmitter to alert the feds that it was time. A giant man with a thick beard, mustache, and a heavy Russian accent stepped out from behind a dumpster.

“You have cost my boss a lot of money. He wants to see you.”

His trap was sprung, and I was the victim. I had set my own, but it failed to start. The feds were supposed to be waiting for him.

Before I flew fighter jets, I loved martial arts. I never lost those skills and still worked out regularly. How this person with the pistol pointed at me didn’t know that about me amazed me.

Once he was within range, I glanced down the alley as if distracted by something or someone behind him. That split-second diversion distracted him long enough.

The sound of his weapon bouncing off the brick wall between the two buildings was the first of many sounds that night.

I needed to know who was after me. The odor of old grease, spoiled food, and different flavors of dead fish was accompanied by the hint of blood, his blood.

I could have killed him and been within my rights. I settled for breaking his arms and one of his legs. His head hit the pavement with a thud when I finally heard the footsteps of another person.

“Gees, sorry, I am late. Ted is stuck in the bathroom. We made the mistake of eating here. Is he alive?”

I huffed as I walked over to pick up the thug’s gun. I used my pen to loop it through the trigger guard keeping my fingerprints off it. “I think he is alive; I assume you have an evidence bag?”

“Who is he?”

“A hired gun, Russian Mafia.”

Larry produced a bag before the local police arrived. I left one of the two stooges to handle the rest of the procedures.

He took the glory for the fight. Imagine not even getting his hair messed with such a brawl. I chuckled before disappearing into the night’s blackness, knowing this wasn’t over.

They might even pin a medal on that guy for taking out a thug the size of a brick building.

The important thing was I had a name and sent a clear message to the person who was upset with me.

I was unaware of the lengths Vladimir Karpov would go to get me.

From his superyacht, he controlled a vast network of evil people.

I landed in Dallas to discover that flights had reached a screeching halt. When the systems at the FAA ceased working, things would change. It would appear that, once again, the FAA was under attack but from who and why?

My phone rang, and once again, Uncle Sam was calling.