The Notification

A bouquet of flowers. Her favorite chocolate. And a homemade comic book. 

That is what my sister Diana got for Valentine’s day. Ever since my older sister saw her boyfriend, Miles, she was absolutely glowing and couldn’t hide her excitement from anyone. 

Miles was absolutely head over heels for my sister and she was the same for him. They were completely in love with each other. I, myself thought that my sister turned into the Hulk if she was away from Miles for too long, which was completely fitting for their relationship considering Miles loved any and every Marvel movie. 

“Do you guys want to read the comic?” Diana asked my Mom, younger sister, Charlotte, and I, but looking up at Miles with a smile on her face. “Obviously Di, it’s amazing! I can’t believe you did that Miles” My Mom said at the same time, Charlotte and I said “Yeah!”

The comic really was amazing, it was all hand drawn and colored with handwritten caption and dialogue boxes. Even though I couldn’t read all of what it said, I still found it more personal and genuine that it was handwritten, by the look in her eyes, I could tell my sister thought the same. The Dianatron vs. The Stone was on the cover, to which we all laughed because Charlotte had come up with the nickname Stone, for Miles, because she said that every time she thought of the name Miles, she thought of the word Milestone because I don’t even know why. She did it to everyone. Di was Diameter, our older brother Colton, was Bolt, his girlfriend Marinette, was Puppet, I was Petal, our Dad was Father Christmas which than made our Mom, Mother Christmas. I don’t know how she came up with the names, all I know is that it was hilarious that she did. Meanwhile, all my life I’ve just stuck with normal nicknames for them all, like Di, Colt, Mary, Miles, Charlie, Dad, and Mom. Well, everyone except Charlotte since she started calling me Petal, hers went from Charlie to Town because Charlottetown was the only thing I could think of that associated with a Charlotte that I knew of. 

After Di finished reading the comic to us, I went to my room to finish my homework in philosophy. I had a paper due in a week and was only finished the first half of the rough draft. 

As I looked over my notes, I kept on getting notifications from my phone. Nothing really caught my attention until I saw a name that stole my breath away and threatened tears from my eyes. NO. It could not be him. We stopped talking almost a year ago when we both made it pretty darn clear that we would never speak again. Through text or otherwise. It wasn’t even that hard even though he lived across the street from me. But when I checked again, it really was him. 

Noah Cole. My old neighbour. My ex-best friend. But never mine. That was the problem. 

All I wanted to do was unlock my phone and see what he had to say, see if he’d apologized, see if he’d finally want me. I equally wanted to chuck my phone out the window and never think of him again. But it would take a small miracle to make that happen. 

If I’d ask Di to delete the text for me, I knew she would. She hated him almost as equally as I did after I told her what had happened between us. Actually, that’s not true, no one could hate him as much as I did. 

“Hey Petal, do you wanna go in the hot tub with me, Diameter and Stone?” my little sister said from my bedroom door in her usual chipper tone. I turned toward her, wiping a tear from my eye. “Sure, Town,” I said with a smile that didn’t reach my eyes when I thought I was in the clear. She studied me curiously with her long eyelashes big doe eyes. They were brown just like my Mom’s and Di’s, but what made hers special were the tiny golden flecks she had in hers whereas Di’s were a greener and browner, like a lagoon and my Moms were more like chocolate, her favorite food. “Are you okay, Petal?” I nodded and turned back towards my Macbook screen, “Yeah, there was just an eyelash in my eye and I couldn’t get it” I closed the documents I had been using to write my paper. “Do you know if Mom got any of those sweet vodka drinks I like when she went out today?” I asked her, knowing that vodka might give me the liquid courage to open the text or forget about it entirely. Knowing me, it was probably the former. “Yeah, I think she did, they’re downstairs though, if you want to get one” she said before closing the door, leaving to let me change into my bathing suit. 

Never in my life had I wanted alcohol so bad. 

A few drinks into the night, I felt a familiar buzz that slowed my senses and speed up my brain. I felt like I was in honey, it tasted sweet now, but I knew it’d eventually got me into some sticky situations. “Want a sip of my drink, Town?” I asked, “sure,” she said, taking my drink and giving it her familiar inspection, looking at the clear liquid and lifting to see how much was left. “what is it?” she asked. “It’s a vodka water, watermelon flavour I think,” I answered swivelling my words like she was the drink. She took a sip and nodded. “Yeah, it’s good, I like it” she told me with a smile. “Yeah, I know, me too” I matched her smile. I knew she would. She was only thirteen, but I always let her taste my drink, I thought it was only fair. 

After the hot tub, while I was waiting in my room to go shower, I checked my phone. Noah hadn’t texted me again since this afternoon, and I still hadn’t opened his message. I mean what could he possibly have to say after all this time? More importantly, why did I still care? I shouldn’t, and I won’t. I still hate him, and he still hates me. So, opening the message is not a big deal. Then why is my heart pounding in my ears? And why do I feel like I’m going to puke? Maybe it was a fluke and he didn’t mean to send anything. 

After all, we do hate each other. And that is what I tell myself as I unlock my phone and read his message. 

Noah Cole: I miss you. I made a mistake.

I didn’t know how to respond. Or even if I wanted to respond. I didn’t miss him. I couldn’t miss him. He tore me apart in a way no one else could. He climbed into my heart and then made me crash and burn. I was like glass, and he shattered me into a million pieces. Breaking me into sharp edges and creating scars. 

No amount of liquid courage could get me to reply to that text. I wasn’t that brave, and I wasn’t that stupid. He could miss me all he wanted but that would never change what had happened in the past. 

After I had my shower, ate dinner and settled in front of the tv, I was still feeling a little bit of a buzz. But it was fading quickly and making me feel all warm and tired, almost in a fuzzy sort of way. I rolled up in my blanket and closed my eyes. What felt like minutes later, a hand was shaking my shoulder, “the movie’s finished Rose, I just wanted you to know so that you’d be able to go to bed, I thought it’s be comfier than the couch.” Charlie said to me in a hushed whisper. “Yeah, thanks I appreciate it” I said as I got up and walked zombie-like to my room. When I got to my room, I stared at my bed, deciding if it was worth it to brush my teeth, I also had to pee, so I thought may as well if I’m already there. 

Once I came back to my room, I went to my phone one last time, more out of habit than anything else. When I was all caught up with all my messages, I felt an unexpected wave of sadness. As I walked across my room to put my phone away in its spot, a piece of jewellery caught my eye. It was placed on top of my jewellery box next to a pair of diamond earrings I was going to wear tomorrow. 

It was a ring, a diamond ring given to me by Noah. I hadn’t thought much of it when I placed it there in the first place. I just thought it was going to look good with my baby blue skinny jeans and cotton candy tank top. But looking at it now the memory of how I got it came flooding back.

I was sitting in the big yellow school bus, way at the front because I was only five which meant that I needed to be closer to the bus driver. I didn’t mind much because Noah was able to sit with me, and our other friends sat up front too. Diana and Colton were on the bus too, but usually talked with our other older neighbours at the back. I remember we were on our way home from school, and he wasn’t on the bus in the morning. “I had a dentist appointment” he had told me, “and I got to choose a toy after! From a treasure chest” he said showing me a hockey card of a player I didn’t know “Oh my gosh, that’s so cool! But I don’t like hockey cards that much,” I said, not because I thought he’d give it to me, but just because I thought his prize wasn’t that cool. “There were rings too, but I didn’t want them.” He said looking at me. “Awwlucky, at my dentist, there’s usually lip balm and tiny plastic toys, but I would like a ring much better.” I remember thinking to myself how lucky he was to get rings when I couldn’t. I think my look of disappointment was written all over my face because the next thing he said was “I could get you one next time I go” And then I remembered what Mom said about taking things from people and how you have to pay them back. “I would really like that, but I don’t have anything to give you” I said sorrowfully, looking at him in the eyes. He smiled at me then, and that’s when I noticed the sea green color of his eyes and the shyness of his boyish smile. “That’s okay, you don’t have to give me anything, I know you want it.” He made my heart melt a little that day, without either one of us realizing it. “Thank you, Noah” I said, grinning from ear to ear. 

I thought he would have forgotten about the ring, so I remembered reminding him a couple times to get it for me again. But not long after, I forgot about it too. Then one day, on the bus, he handed me the diamond ring, there was only one diamond in the center and the rest of it was gold. I thought it was so pretty, it reminded me of all the wedding rings in the Barbie movies.

When he handed it to me, all he said was “Here you go, Ro, and I can get you the other one if you want, too” And I was so captivated by the diamond that I said “Yeah, sure that’d be awesome! Thank you so much!” was my response. 

I smiled at the memory, then turned off the light and got into bed. As I lay there, I couldn’t help but wonder how things had gone so wrong and how much things had changed between us. His text from earlier kept replaying in mind. 

I miss you. I made a mistake. 

I couldn’t help but notice that he didn’t say I’m sorry. Which is the only thing I really wanted him to say. The worst part after everything happened was that he never felt as close to me as I did to him. The way we were angry felt like we were, but I guess that was just wishful thinking on my part. Whatever happened between us, was all one-sided, which isn’t fair, but that’s the point, I guess. 

As I drifted off to sleep, I kept picturing his sea green eyes, his dazzling smile and how things used to be. 

The next morning, I had to leave early for my shift at Le Café, which was the closest coffee shop near my house, it was a half-hour drive, and I was running a little late. I had taken too long in the shower and wearing makeup made me feel more confident, so I couldn’t skip it. 

I blamed Noah, his text was stuck in my head and my mind kept overthinking what he might have wanted. And every train of thought I had, kept coming back to him, like a twisted, jumbled jigsaw puzzle. 

When I finally made it to work, I had eight minutes to just chill in the breakroom before my shift. I started at six-thirty a.m. and ended at two p.m. It was going to be a long day. 

Aside from the usual morning rush, the rest of my shift went by smoothly. On my second break, I noticed that I got a second text from Noah. 

Noah Cole: Please hear me out. 

I wouldn’t be doing anything of the sort, and I didn’t want to. He made his bed, so now he has to lie in it. So, I left him on read and decided to play a plant game instead. 

When I had fifteen minutes left of my shift, the café was pretty dead so slipped into the back and began to clean the dishes. My favorite coworker, Wayne (named after Bruce Wayne, yes, as in Batman) was talking with a few customers, while making their order, the biggest one we’d seen all day. Then, the customer bell chimed.  

I still had five minutes left of my shift, so, I washed my hands and walked out to the counter. As soon as I saw who the customer was, all the blood drained from my face and I almost tripped over my own feet. Noah’s sea green eyes met my steel grey ones, he was tall and broad, and his blond hair was messy perfection. 

Trying to regain my composure and dignity, I plastered on a fake smile. “Hello, welcome to Le Café, what can I get for you, today?” My voice sounded like candy hearts, incredibly sweet and just as artificial. “I’ll take a medium Sunshine Mocha with extra whip cream, and a medium Hot Chocolate, please” He said smiling down at me. As I prepared the drinks for him, I wondered who the Sunshine Mocha was for, it used to be my favorite when we came here together. 

After I handed him his drinks, he thanked me and left. Well, that wasn’t what I expected. 

“Have a good night Wayne,” I said before leaving my shift. “You too, Rose” and then I walked out to my car. 

“Can we please talk now, Rose?” said a deep voice next to me. It sounded like it was filled with regret and sincerity. “No, Noah, I don’t want to talk to you.” I spat at his feet. “Please at least take your coffee?” Then handed me the drink I had made him mere minutes earlier. I hit it out of his hand and it splashed all over his white t-shirt and leather jacket leaving what would end up as stains for sure.“No, I don’t want it, I don’t want anything from you.” I turned to leave when all of a sudden, I felt an arm pull me back. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m so sorry, I never meant to hurt you.” But he had hurt me, he broke my heart and pushed me away. “I miss you and I want to make it up to you, please let me make it up to you.” He might not have been on his knees, but he was begging all the same. He was a drowning man, and I was his safety raft. He held on to my arm tighter like I was the only thing that grounded him to earth. “Please just give me a chance, let me make it up to you, just give me one more conversation to make me change your mind and after, if you never want to see me again, I’ll leave you alone, forever.” He was closer to me now, and I had a better view of his face, he looked worn, damaged and regretful. Looking at him now, I didn’t recognize him the best friend I used to know, he used to be carefree and happy. I, also knew, that I’d never be able to stay mad at him forever, I myself, was getting sick of holding onto the pain and hate towards him. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t curious to see how he’s been as well. I did want to reconnect. “You can even have my hot chocolate” He said, trying to sweeten the deal. I still cared for him, I still loved him, even after the pain he’d caused me. Maybe he did deserve a second chance. 

“Okay,” I said. So, he handed me his hot chocolate and lead me to his black pickup truck. “Let’s talk” and after that day, we never stopped.