Past Those Feelings

“I got a call from my friend Mike a few days ago, asking me if I’ve checked Facebook. I haven't used Facebook in years, but apparently our high school reunion was coming up.” I paused my explanation to see if the officer listening was okay with how I had started.

He nodded his head with a grimace, allowing me to continue. 

“I thought the whole idea seemed ridiculous, but as I was listening to Mike trying to convince me it’d be fun, I actually saw someone from high school. Now you have to understand, I had spent the last 15 years thinking about what I’d do the moment I saw this guy, so it just seemed like a stroke of fate for him to show up right as I was finding out about the reunion” 

“Who was it?” The officer asked

“His name is Clyde. I don’t really remember his last name, but he was super tall, and he owed me money.” I explained.

“For what?” The officer questioned.

I answered by saying,“I did his spring break assignment for $30.”

“Ok,” he responded while furrowing his brow, “so that did you do?” He asked.

“I walked up with the bat I had kept in my car, and smashed his knees.” I bluntly replied.

The officer offered no reaction and started taking notes. 

I went on, “It felt really good. Justice was finally served, so then I we-”

“That’s not justice.” He interjected.

I ignored his statement and continued, “I went back home, reactivated my Facebook, and RSVP’d to the reunion.Then I-”

“Wh-” The officer tried to cut me off again, so I respectfully paused to let him ask his question. “What made you change your mind about the reunion?” He asked.

“Getting back at Clyde felt amazing, plus I knew there would be no way he could show up to the reunion now. So, with one less person at the reunion to make me feel awkward, I wanted to check who else…was going.” I replied hesitantly.

The officer tilted his head up, while raising his eyebrows to convey his understanding. “I see now. So is that why you hit two of your former classmates with your car, gouged out someone’s eyes, and stabbed three people at the reunion,” I tried cutting in to clarify some things but he raised his voice to finish making his point, “you wanted to get rid of everyone who would make you feel awkward?”

I took a breath to ease my agitation and continued explaining, “Karen rejected me and joked about it with everyone, Mark was supposed to be my friend but he started hooking up with her behind my back, and Dwayne found gay porn on my phone. I only wanted to get rid of those three.” I took another breath because talking about what happened at the reunion was going to be hard.

“You scooped another man’s eyes out because he found out you were gay?” He asked.

“I’m not gay!” I bursted in response. “I did that so he wouldn’t have to keep seeing things he didn’t understand and lying about them,” I added.

“Do you not feel any remorse about doing these things? How did you even find these people?” The officer seemed agitated as he continued to question me.

“Not really. I mean, I seriously hated high school, and it was just because of them. The moment I bashed Clyde’s knees in, I realized I didn’t have to hold myself back anymore. I’m sure you wish you didn’t have to either, you deal with criminals for a living.” I gave him a shrugged expression to see if he understood, but he remained stoic. “Oh, and I just added them on Snapcat. The app shares your location unless you change your settings.” I answered his second question.

He stared at me skeptically before responding, “It’s not the same thing.” He then shook his head disapprovingly and scribbled down some more notes. “So if you only wanted to maim those first three people, excuse me, 4 people, what happened at the reunion?” He finally asked the question I’d been dreading.

He noticed my attitude change as I leaned back into my seat, and let my hands fall. It was hard to explain, and I wasn’t sure where to start.

He followed up, “Do you feel bad about what happened?”

“No,” I answered slowly.

“So what’s wrong? You’ve already told me a bunch of terrible things without even flinching.” The officer leaned back and crossed his arms. The contempt on his face was clear as day. “You do regret it, don’t you?” He added.

“It’s complicated,” I admitted.

“Tell me,” he responded.

I leaned forward, closed my hands together, and used them to support my head, while I focused on the details. I decided to start from the beginning, “Me, Mike, Karen, Cory, Bouba, and Dwayne were all on the robotics team back in high school, so they were my friends back then, and they were the ones I was looking forward to seeing at the reunion. Well, except for Dwayne and Karen, since as you know, I broke into his house and gouged his eyes out while he was asleep, and hit her with a car, while she was waiting for the bus.”

The officer nodded his head to acknowledge what I had said.

I went on, “I showed up to the reunion with Mike, and they were all there except for Dwayne and Karen. At first we were all having a great time, and I was even getting along with Melissa, and a few others who would’ve never talked to me back in high school. But then…” I felt my mouth dry up as I silently choked on my own words.

The officer sat quietly, as he attentively watched me squirm. Then he leaned forward and scribbled down a few more notes. 

I wiped my eyes and continued, “Melissa was arguably the hottest girl in school, and she was still pretty hot, but when the guys saw me talking to her, they clearly thought I didn’t deserve it or something.” I balled my hands in frustration as I rushed to get through the story, “They started to harass me and talk to me like I didn’t have the right to be interested in her. Like?” I waved my hands to express my frustrated confusion as I went on, “So, I just snapped. I used my fork to open the artery in Bouba’s neck, stabbed Cory in the boob, and then I used a butter knife to jab Cory in the stomach until Mike was able to pin me down.” 

I leaned back again and let out an exhausted breath.

“H-How were they harassing you?” The officer asked.

I popped my eyes up to look back at him. “Does it matter?” I asked back.

“It does,” he answered.

“Ughhh,” I complained while leaning forward to start up again. “They were just like ‘ooooh Johnathan what were you doing with Melissa’ and then Bouba said he thought I was gay, then they started asking about Dwayne, and then they brought up Karen, and fucking Cory PULLED OUT SCREENSHOTS! From when Karen rejected me MORE THAN 10 YEARS AGO! They were laughing about it, and clearly trying to piss me off, so yea I fucking snapped!” I was fuming with anger all over again.

The officer stood up, and while collecting his notes he said, “They won’t really care if you’re gay or not in jail.” Then he walked out with a smirk.