Into the Black holes

Did you ever think how does it feels to be without the liberty of yourself,to be lonely and trashed inside a dark 4×4 cell with rodents and dirt,a bed that consists of some old pillows linen of which is so old that it tends to tear off and rags that cannot give you protection from the severe cold and can never be considered a "blanket".

If I wasn't a destitute at the fortune's favor I believe I would have never adjusted in that 4×4 cell with five other prisoners living together in such a way that we hardly had space to shift and breathe freely.

Pickpocketing,stealing had always been my way of income as an orphan who was left to die in a trashbin some 27 years back and it had been quite a habit for me to take a "trip"to the cell once or twice a month.A free meal ,a night's sleep with the bites of mosquitoes at least I felt relieved since the other days I had no roof above my head to sleep.

But then it was something different,"Greed"yes greed can make you do anything and everything.

The thirst of wealth,name and fame eradicated even the smallest humanity in me.I entered the real world of crime.Extorsion,kidnapping,trafficking,smuggling,breaking the law seemed to be a child's play for me.I was imprisoned several times but my backups let me free.The Criminals, I worked for were white collars, men of higher class,bureaucrats,politicians,businessmen.

I started to feel that breaking law was just a mere matter of game for me,unless I realised the truth but it was already late.

The initial incident was a usual kidnapping of a child,but when the father of the child refused for extortion amount,it resulted into threatening them for money.This time the victim's father was a cop,how did I kidnap his son and why did I do it didnot matter much,but when the cop outsmarted me,it started with a scuffle,then a fight and then while trying save myself I pulled the trigger....the child was silent,laying in a pool of blood,it was oozing out of his stomach where the bullet had pierced.

The father was pinned to the ground motionless and speechless,I could not understand what it feels to see your son die.But that was my first "murder".

The case went to the district court and the to the high court.My employer could not save me this time.I was found guilty,my bureaucrat friends and partners tried proving me innocent but everything failed.

But the last drop of blood from the child's body shouted out to me ,it said"You are a murderer!"

I was sentenced to life imprisonment.I was behind the bars again,but this time for a longer time.

The cell in the prison was uncomfortable for all,but it seemed to be the only shelter.

Along with the inmates,daily chores,like washing,cleaning ,sanitation,cooking,laundry were the major works.

I had no great work ability except for manual work on something.This ability was used in laundry.I worked 12 hours,sweat pouring down my face the entire day,Water breaks and bathroom breaks were limited.

Sometimes I was also assigned the task in the kitchen along with the rats!

The day would generally end by 6PM

After which we had dinner and went to slee

 in the dirtful luxurious bed.

Before dawn the bell rang at around 4 'o' clock in the morning,the inmates were known to visit lavatories and brushing teeth post which the counting of prisoners takes place.The counting took place several times in a day.

I usually woke up at 4:55 a.m. each and every morning. I had the freedom to choose at least what time I was to start my day. I got up that early because, when my door most often unlocked, at about 5:15 a.m., I did not wanted to be in the cell where I had been for the last number of hours.

Another reason could have been we would not have the breakfast left if we would not open that early.

The prisoners were made to do all kinds of jobs from laundry to gardening ,cooking,cleaning.We were paid a remunation for the same.

It felt at times that I was earning bread by an honesr path.

But luck would have it,quarrel and argue ment was the part and parcel of the prison life and a source of amusement.

The place seemed hell for me.Not just the appearance but one can take away the last breath if I stayed in that dirt

The child who I murdered,his father had left no turned ups and downs to get the murderer punished.

The cry of the child for going home,trying to meet his parent could not go off my mind.

My initial days spent mostly in the court waiting for the hearing.

I always felt a hand upon my shoulder ,a hand stained with blood trying to grip me and ask "why did you seperate me from my parents"

I often woke in the night after the nightmare.

One of my inmates played a flute each night....it was pleasant and soothing to the ears....that was one moment I felt peace.

Day passed by I was grown in to a meek person,I had spent every single day in guilt,a guilt that had washed my crimes.A guilt that had taught me to think,think good.

The murder was an accident ,but for criminals like me nothing could be proven,I spent 14 years in to the black holes,swirlling deep in to the s**t.

The guilt of the murder of a small child had an effect on me,it made me quite and I started to love living in solitary,writing my journels each day.

Journels about my life spent in the prison,my inmates,my work etc

The more I flashed back to my life the more I had the pains,despairs,remorse.

Days flew like the migrant birds fly to the north.

Few cops came to me to tell me the words that I waited to hear so long, "its time to leave!"

I was going out of the black holes.The time that I counted the years,months,days for.The words which I had awaited for.

The guard opened the gate for me.I did not know whether the gate opened a new challenge,a new world or a new opportunity for me but I moved out of it bowing my head I stepped out into the sunshine.

My eyes closed due to the sudden beam of sunlight falling in to my eyes but slowly and gradually adjusted ,I was stepping in to the sunshine after 14 years.I had been waiting for this day to come.This was perhaps a new beginning and perhaps the same way my eyes adjusted ,my life would also adjust in the life outside the blackholes of the prison.