A Shark's Guide to True Love

If this guide has found it’s way into your hands, then it’s likely that you have come seeking help. And here’s what you must know, simplified. The movies talk about “love at first sight” the same way they talk about true love- like it’s a miracle, like you’re the luckiest person in the world to experience it, like it’s the feeling of every question in the world turning into an answer, everything in your life now making sense. And in a way, that’s true. But out of true love and love at first sight, one is a good thing. And one is just an allusion, a trick of magic. You do not know the person when you experience love at first sight. Love at first sight goes either by looks, or by first impressions. Neither of which are made for love, much less true love.

To find true love, you need to be a shark, searching for its prey. This guide will show you just how to do so.

THINK ABOUT THE BLOOD

It was a stormy mid-December Saturday night when I heard a knock on my door. I was decorating my Christmas tree, hanging up ornaments from my childhood. Some people describe rain as pitter-pattering, but this was pouring down too hard to hear any sound besides the crashes. Thunder clapped every few minutes.

When I heard the soft pounding by the entryway I walked over, just as any sensible person would. But what didn’t make sense was why anybody would be out in the storm. Maybe it was a UPS driver, frustrated to still be out. Or a neighbor delivering Christmas cookies.

I opened the door to reveal a woman. She had brown skin and long, messy dark hair. Her T-shirt was torn, her jeans muddy and dirty. She was soaking wet. Mascara dripped down her face. I honestly had a bad feeling about her. What would a woman be doing, looking like this and being out in the thundering rain? She must be on drugs, or she’s running from the cops, or something around those lines.

“Um… hi,” I said awkwardly. I gripped the handle of the door, ready to shut it. “What are you doing out in this storm?”

“I’m wondering if I can get cleaned up here,” she said, looking down at the welcome mat. “My car ran out of gas just a block away. I was coming back from a Christmas party. This was the first house I saw with the lights on.”

I backed up in surprise. She was just the same as I was, in a scenario that I could get into just as easily.

“Sure,” I said, stepping aside to let her in. “I’m Lawrence, by the way.”

“Violet.” she extended her hand, and I shook it. A firm shake.

In a relationship, you need to think about the blood. What’s inside of them. Don’t close someone off just because you get a bad impression of them. Violet didn’t necessarily look good, and her scenario didn’t really reflect many good things, but she turned out to be in a perfectly normal situation. I was almost ready to shut her out.

Boy, am I glad I didn’t.

DON’T IMMEDIATELY BITE DOWN

Violet stepped into my house and I closed the door behind her, shielding us from the pouring rain. I saw a sudden flash of light, and I counted the seconds- one mississippi, two mississippi, three mississippi, four mississippi, five mississippi, six mississippi, seven missi-

BOOM!

“This way,” I said, leading Violet towards my bathroom. I handed her a towel, and exited the room. I waited and waited and waited, but then decided to get back to decorating my Christmas tree. I strategically placed each ornament in just the perfect spot. I didn’t have that many, maybe twenty in all.

I just had a few ornaments left to hang before Violet walked into the room. And she looked… like a whole different person. She was beautiful. Her lips were red, her eyebrows so bold they shielded her vibrant irises. Her hair was neatly hanging behind her shoulders. I was ready to ask her out. I cleared my throat, ready to talk.

But then I remembered: Looks aren’t everything. She still might be a bad person. It was far too early. I needed to get to know her.

You can’t immediately bite down. You need to wait a little while. You may be impatient, if this is your first time being in love. But you can’t just have a “good feeling” about someone to truly love them. You need to know them well.

KNOW THEY MIGHT FLEE- AND ACCEPT THAT

Rule number one with love- if someone doesn’t want to be in a relationship, then they DON’T WANT TO. If they say “no,” then you shouldn’t force them another way, or even suggest them otherwise. Their opinions are their opinions. They might not be ready. They might not trust you yet. They might have somewhere else to be.

I wanted to get to know Violet, and I didn’t want her to be out in the cold. So I decided to ask her something.

“Do you want to stay here for the night?” I suggested. “We can talk, have fun, watch a Christmas movie. We can wait out the storm.”

“Sorry,” Violet said, scratching her arm and looking away. “I probably shouldn’t sleep at a stranger’s house.”

“That’s okay.” And it was okay. I completely understood where she was coming from. And that’s another part of true love- you need to be empathetic.

Violet offered me a ten dollar bill for letting her use my house, but I refused. I said that we all need to rely on each other every once in a while.

She called her friend, Lillian, who apparently was the person who hosted her Christmas party. She told Lillian that she needed to be picked up and brought home, that she couldn’t walk there in the thunderstorm. Ten minutes later, a car pulled up in front of my house. Violet announced that that meant Lillian had arrived.

“Thank you,” she said, looking into my eyes.

“Anytime.”

Violet walked towards the door, ready to leave. But before she did, she grabbed a piece of lined paper, tore a scrap out, and wrote a phone number on it.

“You can call me whenever you want.” She smiled and stepped out of the house. Her pace quickened to a jog as she rushed over to Lillian’s car, desperate to get some shelter from the storm. 

Through the doorframe, I watched the car zoom down the road.

I was okay with her leaving. It was just an idea for her to stay overnight. You have to accept other people’s decisions in love, especially if you’re male.

I walked back into my living room and put the final ornaments on my tree. 

CIRCLE YOUR PREY

In a way, this is a continuation of rule two: “Don’t immediately bite down.” You need to get to know someone, and that means just being friends for a while. 

I called Violet the next day to see if she got home safely, and she responded, saying that she was at her house watching TV. Then she wondered if we wanted to meet up, maybe at the park.

Over the next four months we really got to know each other. She said that she was an author, and so I read her debut novel. I have my own copy now.

She learned about me, too, my interests and favorite foods and my family. We became best friends. It was around St. Patrick’s Day when I finally asked her out.

You need to circle your prey, get to know them on your own level, to achieve true love. You can’t go off first impressions, or immediately assume you like someone. I truly knew I loved Violet after I understood her. 

This was five years ago. We’re married now, and we have one daughter named Martha. We’re thinking of stopping there, though. We’re not exactly the type for a huge family.

I hope you learned something from this guide. These four tips show you that when it comes to true love, you have to be a shark.