To express Emotions Yet not know which Emotion is being expressed

I stand before you, yet you are not there. I speak to you, yet you hear nothing I have to say. I want to share with you how I am and how I feel, yet you have no response to what I share.

I am beside myself, I am enraged and bewildered, I am so overwhelmed with a seething anger, frustrated because of how this is happening and how it will come to an abrupt end, that was never foreseen, even if I had imagined it to be this way.

I am looking out into the night sky, with a starry and cloudless expansion of the great void, the endless space of that which has no beginning and no sight of an end, going on forever. I look to see signs of life, or some frail acknowledgement of what I perceive life to be. And then I wonder why I seek out that which may or may not actually exist to be.

I smile at the idea of something being out there in the vast regions of space, out there in the vast parts of the galaxy, out there where the thoughts of life on other planets, keeps me in awe and also fearful of such as it is or possibly may be, for my mind is not sure how to make sense of it all.

I am angered by the possible existence of a higher power (as to some, they name their God or the understanding of such as it is). Yet I am frustrated at the idea, of how we have never actually gone far enough away from our "safety net", Earth. It makes me jealous when I hear about other countries, who have invested in the possibilities, the ideals and ideas, that may allow them to become "one step ahead" of our own country, and may allow them to move forward by leaps and bounds, placing an even larger gap between us and them.

I make me feel sadden, make me desire to be one of the chosen, one of the people (hand picked), to become the first person, to "touch down" on planets, that may take a long lifetime to "set foot" upon and like others before, I will be put into the "History books", to be remembered, if only for a "minimal second".

Ah yes I am angered by the many problems that we allow to happen, the many lies told about how we will resolve the problems that we have created, yet no true solutions are ever actually presented. I am frustrated how lax we want to punish those who "think" they are above the law, (or the law(s) that are changed often, only to become obsolete and outdated. I am jealous of some who find it easiest to design and decorate the very place they live and dwell in, that it makes my own place look like "an auto junkyard" without rhyme or reason for its own tackiness.

I am mad at my own failures and faults, never being able to follow through on "promises" that I wish and hope to keep, when stating I will donate to the many organizations that I hold near and dear to my heart. I struggle with trying to keep "updated" and well aware of all that things that matter to me, yet seem to fall by the wayside, short of the lowest point in which I believed I could actually accomplish daily or monthly.

I want to be happy, want to be excited, want to be loved and be allowed to love, want to seek out and find that one person who is like me, yet is different also. I wish to never raise my voice in anger, wish to never be critical and judge others for those very things that I too have an issue with. I cry at the thought of anyone's losses, whether it is personal loss, emotional loss, financial loss, material loss, or even mental loss, no matter what type of loss it is, I am sadden by the idea of anyone suffering loss and maybe recovering, but may not due to the extent of their loss.

I am angered at the idea of anyone hurting another human being or animal, am angered at the idea of those who hurt others never getting "properly punished" and being used as an example, so that anyone who is "remotely thinking" of committing such acts against others, will think twice before they proceed to do such, knowing that their consequences with be met with swift action(s).

I hate the idea of anyone who steals from others, believing that their actions are ok or that they are in the right to do such to others, and think they can get away with it. Those steal from others, (no matter how small or how great) the committed offense(s) are, it is never right and should be discouraged in completing such an act. The punishment for such actions should be met with swift action(s).

In dealing with life and the choices that we make daily (at the crossroads), leading down the path or the journey, or whatever we perceive it to be, should be seen as a way to mature and grow, never being stalemated. We should follow our own made, should follow our own decision made, in hopes of us accepting the end results. Once the matter has encountered a response, then learning from this, we move on and move forward, never looking backwards, for fear of only repeating the former.

I am angered and frustrated of all that has become of this world, that we daily take for granted we will live forever and with that false sense of existence, we only fool ourselves into believing we will become infinite, when we are only finite. Our time and existence are limited, at best to a few decades. for some they are not even allowed to start their lives, for whatever reason(s), yet they are never considered to be in vain.

The list of all the many things that I am angered by, am frustrated by, and yes am even jealous at, can only be shared if they are meant to be shared, yet in only sharing a small portion of them, I let off "a little steam", not allowing all the many things, to hurt me on the inside, not even in the slightest. I feel sad at the many chances I passed up, of the many moments I would later regret, yet were never actual regrets. I want to only look ahead and proceed with caution.

I want to become a better person, the best person, man, human being that I personally, possibly can be. Never allowing my emotions and feelings to ever take control nor allow them to lead me into something much worse than I originally thought was the worst at first.

I rise up each day, never truly knowing what it may offer, whether I will accept the offer, whether I will venture out on my own, and what may be the very thing that will bring my day to a close, whether roughly or smoothly. I shall place the memories in my mind, to be stored away for a future time, if that moment is ever allowed, as the years advance, the mind fades away into obscurity.

I fear and worry that I will one day become nothing more than a shell of my once former self, being forgettful or forgetting all the many things that only shortly before were crystal clear and easily remembered. I am fearful of tomorrow and of the very future, that I will step "blindly into", not knowing of the what and why I will learn or discover.

The ideas of how chaos and turmoil can easily be sparked, senselessly erupting into a dismal and desolate world, not traces of the before and grimacing at the present existence that replaced the very simple operations of something that ceased to be. I look for a hope, look for a sign, look for a glimmer of a wish that those who make the choices and decision, will make the right ones, will make these things that will allow us to keep being as we are, yet better.

I am wanting only the best for all, for all to know and experience love and unity, to feel the emotions that make us human beings, and allow us the freedom, to never be held back nor be under anyone else "control" ever. If we lose the freedom to be, then the hope placed in humanity, will be certainly lost to time itself. The past will repeat itself, if we do much to eliminate the existence of the reminders that allow to never forget.