The scam

****The tradition is real.. the story is not!!****

  Soham woke up this morning to complete chaos. Nasrin, his mother, was running around the house, dusting. packing and frustrating simultaneously. She was also yelling at someone for never helping her and for making a mess Soham couldn't see. He stood there with half-opened eyes and messy hair trying to get a hold of what was going on.

Arham, his brother was dragging a suitcase out of his room. He was dressed up in the most decent and sober clothes Soham had seen him throughout the year. An unripped clean look blue jeans with a plain yellow t-shirt. Something popped into Soham's mind. 

Shit! It's Tuesday.

“Why are you cleaning mom? We are going for a week. It will get all dusty again.” Arham said, still tackling the suitcase.

“When we come back to a clean, pretty home after a tiring week, you all will thank me.” She was now mopping the floor of the living room, quite aggressively. she was definitely pissed.

“You are the one who wants everything up to the mark more than anyone, but do you help in keeping everything up to the mark? NOoo! Does Arham need a clean bed? YES! Does he clean it? NOo! Does Arham want a dusty floor and spider webs in his room? NOO! But does he …”

Irritated with the constant nagging which he descended upon himself, he tossed the suitcase ahead. It hit Malika, their sister who was coming out of the bathroom. What happened next they all anticipated. She grabbed her 'injured' foot and started to cry out loud, calling for dad. 

  Shahan, their dad, came out of the kitchen, wearing a pyjama and an apron which was not enough to cover his bare stomach coming out of the sides. Malika was now complaining and crying her heart out while dad was lecturing Arham for being useless, irresponsible and an idiot. Mom, now distracted from Arhams laziness, started yelling at dad for not getting ready on time. 

   Soham went back to his room. He looked at the clock. It was 8:30 in the morning. They still had 2 hours to leave the house and reach the station. He knew before they left, mom would send Malika or Arham to let him know they were leaving. He also knew mom noticed him standing at the door and ignored him. She was angry at him and he couldn't care less about it. He was not going to give in this time. He was not going to Kannut.

  He fell on his bed and grabbed his mobile. The family WhatsApp group was flooding with messages. If he hadn't muted the group, the phone might have died of vibrating.

   Every year in May they all visited Their home town where their Nani (grandma) lived. She had 7 children. 3 daughters and 4 sons. They all had children of their own. and some of their children also have children now. It was a big family. definitely larger than a usual one. 

  Soham didn't have a problem with the big family gathering though. In fact, he loved it. Meeting cousins of all sorts was fun. Most of them got along well. The ones that didn't were to laugh at. The huge old house surrounded by an even huger garden which had many mango trees, loaded with mangoes in this season was a very attractive deal for them as they lived in crowded cities. They would play carom, cricket, cards and whatnot. But that was not the best part. The best part was Nani. She was the coolest, funniest and the most loving Nani. Soham had no doubt in that. She was 70. She looked 70, But she didn't behave 70. The one week in Kannut was the most fun they ever had throughout the year if it weren't for the Bibipari. 

  Bibipari was their family tradition. A very ridiculous one. They put whole, uncleaned parts of one whole goat in a thal ( a huge plate) head, legs, rack, everything. gather around it, chant some verses in an alien language that Soham was sure had no meaning. After that, they would clean it and make a feast with it. As a kid, Soham found it ridiculous. He never understood why someone would do that. As an adult, his views were the same. it had no logical explanation. Every year, all the family members gather, wear nice traditional clothes as if it were a festival, to stand around an animal's carcass.  

   Soham had nothing against killing an animal. He was fine with it. He was not even a vegetarian. Even if he had any problem with the animal killing part, it was solved. 2 years back Nani turned vegan which was a shocker. They were sure that Sheila, their first cousin talked her into it. After that, all the cousins were afraid of Sheila. If she could convince Nani to be a Vegan, she could convince anyone to do anything. She could convince Arham to bathe every day. 

 Sahil was the most shocked and disappointed. He had been trying to get Nani to go skydive with them. A 70-year-old non-vegetarian becoming a vegan was more bizarre for him than a 70-year-old skydiving.  

  Now, for the past two years, instead of a carcass, they gathered around a thal filled with vegan treats. Fruits, vegetables, vegan eggs, vegan meat, vegan bacon and vegan yogurt (Nani's favourite) . which somehow looked more ridiculous than standing around a carcass.  

  After the huge change in the tradition, all the cousins called a meeting. They all had theories of what is the purpose of Bibipari, since Nani never talked about it. The elders were too boring to get curious about 'reasons'. The 'tradition' tag was enough for them. Up until now, Zakir's theory was the strongest but this change of event weakened it. Zakir was so sure that Bibipari was kind of a sacrifice they make for the gods. If they don't sacrifice a goat every year, one of them would die because gods need their meat. They have been doing it for hundreds of years to mark themselves safe. 

  They all thought one goat a year for 35 lives was a little unfair. Either they were stingy as hell or the gods had set the bar too low. Still, most of them had accepted Zakir's dramatic theory while some of them were drawn more towards Arham's which was more realistic. 

 Arham had claimed that their ancestors were poor and had no money to buy meat. They would eat vegetables all year long and cuss their fate. One of them who was going crazy by this ‘lack of meat’ situation, their great, great, great, grandfather/mother (although he was sure it was a man) started this tradition where whatever happens, they all must gather, arrange one whole goat somehow and eat the meat at least once a year. He also made it look like a holy activity by chanting meaningless verses and claimed that the gods would get angry if we didn't do it, so his family would believe it was important and would arrange the goat in any circumstance.

  The theories were working fine until the vegan episode. After Nani announced she was now vegan and we wouldn't kill an animal for Bibipari, both Zakir and Arham protested. Zakir was trying to explain to Nani that gods would get angry if they come and see a thal full of vegetarian junk instead of meat and would probably want to eat one of them, while Arham was trying to make her understand the point of Bibipari and how turning it into a vegan feast would change the whole concept of it. Their great, great, great grandfather/mother would be very disappointed. But Nani's decision was unshakable. 

  While most of them were shocked by her decision, Riza, Sheila's sister, was convinced that there is some other reason than Sheila’s debating skills that made her a vegan. Maybe the incident that happened the previous year traumatized her. Even though the incident was not really traumatizing and remembering it still made them laugh idiotically, but who knows?

The year before the vegan episode, they were all gathered around the thal of the carcass, chanting the verses when a stray dog grabbed the head off the thal and started running. Sahil saw the dog first and started to run after him, yelling. The next moment all of them were chasing after the dog who was running like a pro. Soham was running, all their uncles and aunties were running. Nani was running. Soham still didn't understand what was the point in chasing after the dog. As if they would snatch the head and put it in the thal again. After a good run, the dog stopped and they realized he had already dropped the head somewhere. Cursing the dog they came back. After that, they had to go to a butcher shop and buy a different head for Bibipari. They couldn't find a goat head and came back with a huge sheep head. According to Riza, the mismatched carcass might have traumatized her.

Whatever it was, whether a carcass or a vegan thal, Soham had problems with the tradition itself. He had problems with all traditions but this one definitely stood out in terms of ridicule and stupidity. He had spoken against it many times and his mom was so fed up with his arguments. 

“Traditions are not meant to be questioned. They are not based on logic. What is your problem?”

   After a long argument with mom listing and advocating the problems he had with Bibipari, this question made him pull his hair off. He announced he would not go to Kannut this time. Mom, dad, Arham and Malika, all came to convince him that he didn't have to agree with the tradition, he just needed to go with them and have fun. Arham sat with him for an hour, reminding him of all the previous years when they enjoyed the hell out of their trip. Telling him how sad it would make Nani if one of them is not there. 

  Arham wasn't wrong. They did have fun. No matter how stupid he felt chanting the verses and standing around the thal, when they all cooked the stuff together, whether it was the meat or the vegetables, he forgot about the fact that he was cursing in his mind a few minutes ago. Everyone, from kids to adults, cooked the meal together. In the backyard, firewood will be stacked to make a Chulha. kids would be given garlic and onions to peel. The elder cousins were mostly given the job to cut and grind all the ingredients on a grinding stone. Men and women were in charge of the cooking and Nani would be roaming around, instructing everyone. She would also put her secret masala in the cooking pot. The cousins knew it was a scam. There was no secret masala. She just did it to make it a little dramatic and to mark her importance. It was their little secret. 

   The week spent there every year was the only time they all gathered at one place. Nani was happiest at that time and it showed on her face. Her children hardly got time throughout the year to visit her and she was not ready to live with them in the city. A smile appeared on Soham's face remembering Nani when she was playing cricket, eating mangoes, singing, and dancing with her family. Pure happiness! 

Something clicked in his brain. 

What if this tradition was a scam? Like her secret masala. Maybe Arham was right. 

It wasn't about the Bibipari, the carcass, the vegan feast. it wasn't about tradition! Nani you scammer!

  Soham opened the WhatsApp family group. It was flooding with messages. Everyone was chatting, telling each other if they had left for Kannut, sharing photos from trains and busses, laughing and making fun of each other. They couldn't wait to meet. 

 Soham opened a private chat to text Nani. She was online.

“Maybe you don't need a tradition to meet us, Just like you don't need a secret masala to mark your importance. Gotcha.😜” 

She saw the message. She was typing now. 

“Bhai. (big brother) We are leaving.” Arham peeped through the corner. 

his phone dinged. Nani had replied.

“Maybe. But just in case.😉” 

God! she types slow. Soham laughed.

“Wait. I am coming too.”