Olive Green Eyes

Submitted into Contest #51 in response to: Write a story about someone who's haunted by their past.... view prompt

59 comments

Romance

It has been three years since I last saw you. I can still feel you touching my skin like nobody ever could; making me disappear in the world with just you and me. With such care and love, you knew how to handle me when I would be at my worst points. Every word that I would say you would predict as if you knew me before I knew myself. I can still remember your smile; how could one forget such a beautiful smile? Your amber-coloured eyes still haunt me to this day. Your soft lips visit me in my dreams making me jealous that they are stolen from me. Your fingers playing in my hair would sometime annoy me, but I would let you play because I knew how much you loved my coal coloured hair. 

You scare me with those olive-green eyes, but they are the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen in my life! - You would always say. 

Can't believe the world forgot about us even though I never did. You loved every person that came into your life but I only loved two people - you and myself. Always so selfish, but I still love you; sometimes I wonder why... - You would tell me while caressing my face with your tiny fingers. I would be lying in your lap, curled up like a baby and you would speak all night, and would never get tired. You loved words, especially the words instructed to me. You adored telling everything that is on your mind and you wouldn't mind my silence. I was scared sometimes that I couldn't tell you anything; I felt like the noodle in my throat would just stop me and I would just choke on it. That resulted in my silence, I hope you aren't mad at me Josh. You know I loved you, you were my everything. Now it is late, I know, but you know me! I am always late. 

Ah, again with that smile, it can't stop haunting me. I can feel you closer to me. Now I feel your breath near my ears making me tremble as a guitar string. Oh, yes, how can I forget about your loving guitar that you couldn't get out of your hands since you got it. 

Do you remember that night? I will refresh your memory.

We were near the edge of a cliff overlooking the sky and the city that was shining in those astonishing blurred lights. The city resembled the sky above us. Tiny dots of light looked like stars that were adorning the view in front of us. 

We were sitting on the old rough blanket you took from your grandmother's house because I wouldn't sacrifice mine. I regretted it later because that blanket, ugh... I hated it! I still have trauma from that scratchy material! Don't be so demanding Amanda! Okay the blanket is a bit rough... but look at the sky, look at the view in front of you and everything will be much better, I promise. You tried to calm me, and you did, but not with your suggestion – one glance at you would be enough. I would just look at you and I would see my whole world.

Your strong jaw and cheekbones, your long and narrow neck, that crooked, but the slim nose, those tiny lips, and slanted eyes were everything to me. With all those stars on the sky, you were mine, the one that shone the brightest. But, that same sky divided us. I am not mad at it, it had to - because together we were stronger than the god - us, together, we would have ruled the world.

Do you want me to play my guitar? You know that you would play it even though I would say no, so why did you ask me then? You knew how to counter me and I loved that about you; you were the only one Josh, the only one able to stand up to me, to do whatever you would want even though I was always playing a tough girl. People were scared of me, right? I would be so mean and sarcastic and you would be so nice! Thanks to you we would always get our order right, if it was just me I think the waitress would slam the plate against my face! I guess I deserved it a few times, but you were there, and because of you my face would remain clean.

You started playing. Those beautiful notes of a song you wrote for me were playing to my soul, and my heart was so happy that it was at the edge of bursting out of my chest and crushing a few ribs. Your heart, so beautiful and black, like your hair... - You would joke with me, but you weren't wrong, and you knew it yourself. You would be defensive and would say that you are just joking, but you weren't. You knew I was a bad person, but you loved me... you, out of all people, knew how to love me, you knew how to be with me and be my world. But I was afraid many times that I didn't know how to give back the same amount of love I would receive every day of my life since you entered it. Maybe I have never told you that, but you changed my life, you changed me - even though it is hard to believe, but without you, I would be nobody, no one would ever find a way to love me as me. But you did, how Josh? How did you love me so much? How one person can have so much love in him to be with a person like me? I was so selfish... You may be selfish, but you are like the ocean, with so much depth that it can't be reached, but I will try my best to find that person, the person I would love even more. But then I asked you - "You want me to change?" No, I am not saying I would change you, I would just bring the person I fell in love with to the light so that everybody could see her. You were so good with words, you had that something. When you sing that song that you write for me I would see the fierce man that dared to fall in love with me. I wouldn't wish that even to the worst enemy. I would actually say that and you would just look at me and say you are so much more that you think of yourself, why can't you see that?

But I wasn’t able to see it until it was already late; I looked at your eyes staring back at me when I lost my last breath...


***

In the Loving Memory

Amber Green

1986 – 2012


Today, 2015


I know you hated flowers, but I believe, that deep down you loved them, same as I know how much you loved me even do you didn’t know how to show it. Amber Green, you were loved, you are loved... You will never be alone because I am always with you, even though I am not near your body all the time, your spirit lives in me. I will never forget your black hair that I used to love so much, that I used to play with even though you hated it. The thing I regret the most is that I never got that little scared girl from the depth of the ocean that was hidden inside of you. You were everything to me my star... You’ll never be forgotten – my olive green eyes... 

- DAD! – A sweet child’s voice was heard in the distance. 

- I am coming, Amber! 

There she is, your daughter. The doctors were able to save her life, but they failed in saving yours... I knew what I had to do, I had to call her Amber, she has to carry your legacy like an amulet, deeply carved in her soul. She has black hair, like you and me, and guess what, she has the same olive green eyes that remind me so much of you. When I am looking at her I always see you, looking at me with so much love that you were rarely able to say out loud. But, you didn’t have to, because I was able to read your mind. But that wasn’t the reason why I loved you, Amber, I loved you for so many reasons that you failed seeing in yourself. 

We love you, rest in peace my olive green eyes. 


July 19, 2020 11:06

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59 comments

Mallika S
05:45 Jul 26, 2020

Wow, I'm sitting here stunned at how good this is! You've done an amazing job writing it. If you don't mind, could you also check out my story?

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Nancy Drayce
10:09 Jul 26, 2020

Thank you so much! 💜✨ Of course! 🤗

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Conan Helsley
17:12 Jul 29, 2020

The writing could have been better, but revision would fix any issues I have. Things like pace and flow. The rest was great. I really liked this. Revealing that the first POV character was actually dead worked really well here, and it usually isn't so smooth. Really nice and touching story. Great job.

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Nancy Drayce
17:32 Jul 29, 2020

English is not my native language, so that might be the problem. Thank you so much!

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Conan Helsley
17:39 Jul 29, 2020

Oh, well that could definitely be it. I don't speak another language so I can't say for sure, but pace and flow are mostly stylistic and I tend to view things through my own lense, so it could also be that. But I think with a bit of work you could really iron that stuff out. If you ever need help with that, don't hesitate to ask. I'd love to work with another writer. I don't know any personally so that would be really cool.

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Nancy Drayce
18:43 Jul 29, 2020

Yes, I agree! Thank you so much! Also, I am down for your suggestions. There's always room for improvement! 😊

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Conan Helsley
21:02 Jul 29, 2020

Well I'm open to helping in any way that I can. If I see something I'll say something. Feel free to do the same with my work.

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Parul Srivastava
14:46 Jul 26, 2020

This was so sad! My eyes glazed while reading the last part! You are amazing Nancy! Can I ask you to go thru my stories, whenever it is that you can and if it's not too much trouble, would love to hear your thoughts :)

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Nancy Drayce
17:22 Jul 26, 2020

Thank you so much! 💜✨ Of course! 🤗

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Parul Srivastava
02:04 Jul 27, 2020

🤗 💚

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Abigail Slimzy
21:15 Jul 25, 2020

I had to read to the end... Each phase had it's own out pour of emotions. Good job! If you don't mind, please see my stories too, like and comment. Thanks

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Nancy Drayce
23:22 Jul 25, 2020

Thank you so much! 💜✨ Sure! 🤗

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Kelechi Nwokoma
16:40 Jul 24, 2020

This is a great story. It's really interesting and it carried me till the end.

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Nancy Drayce
16:41 Jul 24, 2020

Thank you so much! 💜✨

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D. Jaymz
15:44 Jul 24, 2020

A real tear-jerker, Nancy 😢 Excellently crafted. The voice of the characters was distinctive and memorable. You had the main character with a tinge of angst and self-loathing (that was probably not warranted from the love that she could attract to herself). The style was mellow and fluid to have me continue to read, the laid-back tension building in sadness. How could I not keep going, the pace was mesmerizing, pulling me along. ~~~~~~ A couple of points (these are merely suggestions): In the sentence, "You know that you would p...

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Nancy Drayce
15:47 Jul 24, 2020

Thank you so much!! That means a lot! 💜✨ And yes, you are totally right! I'll alter it right now!

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Alexi Delavigne
18:06 Jul 22, 2020

Loved this story! It was sweet but with a heart wrenching twist at the end, good job!

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Nancy Drayce
18:08 Jul 22, 2020

Thank you so much! 💜✨

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Tvisha Yerra
16:00 Jul 22, 2020

I feel like the exclamation point in the last line was unneeded, it seems as if Josh was happy (?). But loved the story! And can I just say, I love your blog, it's amazing!

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Nancy Drayce
16:15 Jul 22, 2020

You are right! I just saw it and I agree! I'll change it. Thank you so much! I have just read your comment on my blog. I have watched a video on the explanation of both, and I understood how they write, but I wouldn't rather speak on it because I am not plotter myself. But thank you so much! It means the world to me! 💜✨ I'll try my best to post as much as can!

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Kathleen March
14:13 Jul 22, 2020

A couple of tweaks to the English needed. One is: "You know that you would play it even do I would say no" but there are a few others. It takes a couple of reads to get the idea of the story, because you weave in and out of the narrative voices. That keeps the flow going nicely.

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Nancy Drayce
14:28 Jul 22, 2020

English is not my native language, so that can sometimes play its role. Thank you ♥

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Kathleen March
14:31 Jul 22, 2020

That was what I suspected and have to say your English nevertheless is excellent. As a language professional, I know the effort required and can only say keep up the good writing.

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Nancy Drayce
14:54 Jul 22, 2020

Thank you so much! 💜✨

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P. Jean
14:06 Jul 22, 2020

Very enjoyable and yet super interesting! Very nice writing!

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Nancy Drayce
14:11 Jul 22, 2020

Thank you so much! 💜✨

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Jr. Romars
10:31 Jul 22, 2020

wow, the twist. Amezing. And thank you for liking my story, 'Aru u listening?'. Keep writing would love to read more .

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Nancy Drayce
10:41 Jul 22, 2020

Thank you! 💜✨ Also, I will leave a feedback and let you know what I think! 🤗

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Deborah Angevin
09:56 Jul 22, 2020

Sad and beautiful... yet well-written story. Great job, Nancy! Also, would you mind checking my recent story out, "Red, Blue, White"? Thank you!

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Nancy Drayce
10:19 Jul 22, 2020

Thank you so much! 💜✨

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Jewels 🌊🐅
01:39 Jul 22, 2020

1. I love this story so much, very good job :D 2. Thanks for liking my first story EVER, 'Our Treehouse' (Link below) https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/juliette-meyer-harley-b38d863f-5d72-41f3-aa19-a2bc53450572/

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Nancy Drayce
10:22 Jul 22, 2020

Thank you so much! 💜✨ No problem, I will let you know what I think too! 🤗

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Charles Stucker
22:41 Jul 21, 2020

A little point - naptha is a yellow gold color. Not black. So it confused me when her hair went from "naptha" color to black. Your story certainly has an ouch feel. Haunted by a daughter who is the image of your late wife- the one who died giving birth. I saw one word when I was first reading and said to myself "Tell her about this typo" but for the life of me, I can't find it now. Should have done cut and paste right then. Sorry to let you down.

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Nancy Drayce
22:51 Jul 21, 2020

Oh right! Thanks for that, I'll change it! Never mind 🙂

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María Barrios
20:06 Jul 21, 2020

"I know you hated flowers, but I believe, that deep down you loved them, same as I know how much you loved me even do you didn’t know how to show it. Amber Green, you were loved, you are loved... " Sad and beautiful.

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Nancy Drayce
20:08 Jul 21, 2020

Thank you so much! 💜✨

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María Barrios
20:06 Jul 21, 2020

"I know you hated flowers, but I believe, that deep down you loved them, same as I know how much you loved me even do you didn’t know how to show it. Amber Green, you were loved, you are loved... " Sad and beautiful.

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Al Johnson
19:00 Jul 21, 2020

This is such a touching story! I really enjoyed reading it!

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Nancy Drayce
19:01 Jul 21, 2020

Thank you so much! 💜✨

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Mry M
18:51 Jul 21, 2020

l like your story

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Nancy Drayce
19:01 Jul 21, 2020

Thank you! 💜✨

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Zion Hintay
09:35 Jul 21, 2020

"You want me to change?" No, I am not saying I would change you, I would just bring the person I fell in love with to the light so that everybody could see her. I love this passage. And really enjoyed reading the whole entry. Bittersweet story. I related a lot to the protagonist. Keep it up Nancy.

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Nancy Drayce
11:49 Jul 21, 2020

Thank you so much!! 💜✨

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Yoomi Ari
20:16 Jul 19, 2020

Such a sweet story and great twist at the end! -Bee

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Nancy Drayce
20:27 Jul 19, 2020

Thank you! 💜✨

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Yoomi Ari
23:11 Jul 19, 2020

:) ❤️

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