A big day indeed

“You look beautiful” a woman said looking at her daughter's reflection in the mirror. It was my mother, saying these words to me on my wedding day. My name is Ella and this is a story of my big day, five years ago.

Shyly I glanced down, than back at her “Really? Nothing’s out of place?” I looked closer to assure myself once again.

“You look absolutely stunning, Mike will be blown away” she took my hand, smiling brightly

I went to the makeup table and sat in front of the mirror, admiring how gorgeous my hair was: short beachy curls decorated with a flower crown on top. My makeup was simple yet charming, making my green eyes pop under mu short wavy bangs. While looking down at my dress, I couldn’t help but appreciate the details: a flowy long dress with a long train embellished with gentle flowers and lace going down the entire dress. The chest area wasn’t open much, just a little to make it look feminine, but the back was, letting my star tattoos show. My heels were high, but very comfortable, practicing every day for two hours really payed off. Now Mike won’t have to bend too much when we kiss. Even these thoughts couldn’t help me shake off the feeling of anxiety and stress, like I wasn’t supposed to do this. “Stop, everything’s fine. You’re fine.” I would repeatedly say this to myself, until that feeling went away.

I never thought I would be planning, let alone having, my own wedding soon. Mike and I had only met two years prior and only started dating a year ago. We planned to wait for at least three years, seeing how we are both pretty young, him being twenty six and me being twenty three. That was fair and great because I needed to work on myself and some things, but one day, six months ago he asked, I said yes and the rest is history. I guess when you know, you know, but do I really know? The thoughts keep coming back even quicker and more intense as the ceremony draws near. I can’t help but think this way. I did my research and it seems most women have these kinds of thoughts beforehand, but that doesn’t make me feel any better. Honestly, I think we rushed it…

“I’m going to check on some final details” my mother interrupted my train of thought

She walked out of the room and my best friend and maid of honor walked in smiling excitedly at me.

“Hey” she said happily “Oh my God, you look gorgeous” Annie took my hands as I got up to greet her

“Thank you, so do you. The dress really fits you amazingly” I said while checking her out

Annie was wearing a tight baby pink dress. Her hair was in a bun and decorated with flowers.

“The flower theme in the ceremony was an amazing idea, everything looks perfect. The only thing that’s left is for you to walk down that isle”

“I really hope everything goes smoothly, I’m really nervous, I feel like throwing up”

“That’s just the stress from thinking that something might go wrong. Relax, it won’t.”

“You think so? I really hope it’s only that.”

“I know! Just try and think positive, okay?” Annie looked at her watch “I have to go get ready, we have to start soon. It’ll be great, you’ll see! Love you!” she said as she walked out

There was some time left, so I decided to go to Mike’s room and hear his voice, just to calm my nerves and assure me everything’s going to be okay. I peeked outside the door to see if anyone was there. Holding my dress, I walked out making my way down the hall. Mike’s room wasn’t far, but the hallway was so pretty, I could imagine myself in a house as vintage as this place. Nice long rugs with amazing details, wooden tables decorated with fresh roses and paintings of nature or some religious theme. Before making a turn to Mike’s room, I looked at my watch one more time. Twenty minutes left, perfect.

I was already smiling nervously as I turned that corner, but never would have I thought that I would witness something so horrific, my fiancé and mother: kissing. At first I thought my mind was playing tricks, trying to make scenario to make me run away from it all, but that thought lasted a mere second, seeing how I saw them move, their lips passionately kissing, their hands all over each other, like they’re two horny teenagers. I gasped in shock, moving back, eyes pinned to them. Not even noticing, I hit a wooden table, making them flinch, turning to me in surprise. I also flinched at the sound and my breath shortened. Both of them, looked at me pale as ghosts, their jaws dropped, jumping away, making a distance, trying to make it seem like they were never near each other. My mother smiled tensely and tried to calm me “Ella…” she started, but without even letting her finish, I ran. “Ella!” Mike yelled running after me.

A wave of emotions has overflown my mind. All I could do was replay the scenario from a few moments ago as I ran to my dressing room, which felt like forever. I could hear Mike’s voice in the background as thoughts and questions raised in my head. I ran inside the room locking the door, taking a few steps back. I hear Mike slam against the door, knocking and trying to open up while repeatedly calling my name. I slowly walk to the table loosing balance, placing my hands on the table and looking at myself in the mirror. Breathing heavily I fall onto the chair and bury my face in my palms starting to cry. Mike was still knocking on the door, calling my name trying to explain, but I couldn’t hear a thing for that one minute as I cried my eyes out.

“Why is this happening? My own mother?!” I was shouting in my head “My mother and fiancé were making out right before our wedding!”

The noise Mike was making interrupted my train of thought.

“Oh my God, shut up! Haven’t you done enough damage?!” I snapped at him

“Baby...”

“Cut the crap Mike and tell me how long?!”

Mike was left without words, but another voice appeared sending shivers down my spine.

“Ella, honey” mother was doing the sympathy voice, trying to make me believe I was the crazy one “What you saw, it was just me trying to…”

“God, mother, if you try to sell me a story that you were trying to “save him from chocking” I swear to God, I will hang myself with my own veil.” Rage was taking over and all I could wish was to disappear from there, not to listen to them bicker.

I wanted to take off my dress and shoes, jump out of the window and run away. I felt so ashamed and humiliated. How could my own mother, the woman who raised me, do this to me? And Mike, the man I should have spent the rest of my life with, go and do something so disgusting. If it were anyone else, I would have understood, but my own mother! So many repulsive thoughts were going through my head, but there was something strange, I felt. The feeling of anxiety and stress was gone. Why was that? Maybe it was because the worst happened and I could move on? Maybe, but there was something else, something that I felt like I needed to address but was on hold for a long time.

I stood up decisively, looking at myself in the mirror determined to make things right for me, not anyone else, but me. For a long time, like many, I’ve looked to help and put others before me, but no more. I realize now that because of that reason I was doing this, marrying Mike, going through the wedding less than a year into the relationship, pleasing my parents and friends just so I can make them happy, but what about me and my happiness? I wasn’t thinking about myself at all. I am still young and full of life and potential for many things I want to explore that, myself and heal, become better. I am not about to let a mistake, however big, sabotage my future for the next twenty years and me from living my best life. “Alright, you got this, for real this time.” I thought to myself, wiped off my tears and walked to the door, opening it.

Mother and Mike were bickering quietly and jumped when they saw me, coming up with excuses, saying that it was a mistake and that the wedding needs to stay on. Without listening, I smiled at them with sympathy. I was honestly impressed how far they were going for the sake of not being embarrassed in front of the guests. Without even hearing them I made my way to the main hall. The two of them ran after me speaking quietly but with rage, trying to blackmail me or make me change my mind and as mother was trying to grab my hand and stop me, my father walked out of the hall, smiling warmly at me.

“Dad” I said as I reached my arms out and hugged him tightly “I hope you are in good health, some news is on the way”

“Is everything alright?” he looked behind me seeing Mike and mother nervous “Isn’t it bad luck to see the groom before the wedding”

“Oh trust me, I couldn’t be luckier” I emphasized the “I”

I walked past him and Annie greeted me “I was just about to come get you. Is everything okay?” she asked after seeing us all together

“Everything is just perfect, come” I said and took her hand walking in the hall

No one was expecting the bride for another few minutes, so the guests took their seats confused trying to make as little noise as possible as I made my way down the aisle alone with Annie behind me, just as confused as everyone else. My dad walked in next but mother and Mike stood outside biting their nails. I walked up the three steps and told the minister I won’t be long, turning to face my guests.

“Hello everyone” I started, this time a bit nervous but brave like I was finally about to drop a huge rock off my chest “I am sorry to announce that the wedding is off.” Some people gasped and some looked at each other in surprise “Yes, I am afraid something happened that made me realize that I don’t want to marry Mike. It was something that I wish not to speak of, so I would ask you not to ask any further, but on a more positive note, it didn’t make me hate him” I said and looked at his very much surprised face “as I should at least” I muttered to myself “it actually made me realize something and gave me the courage to come up here in front of you all and tell you. Mother” she flinched as I said that “Father, my dear Annie and everyone” I closed my eyes for a second that said those last words like ripping a band aid off “I’m bi.” 

People gasped at this news, no one knew what the right reaction was but they couldn’t help but show how surprised they were. Dad looked at me and softly smiled, mother and Mike were shocked to the bone, their jaws dropped yet again and Annie, she walked next to me and took my hand in support, smiling at me like she was finally seeing through all my mess and anxiety.

“So, for that reason, and some other private ones, I cannot marry Mike. I am sorry to inform you like this, but the party is still on, you are welcome to come celebrate my coming out and enjoy all the payed food and drinks. Thank you for understanding.”

I walked off the stage, still holding Annie’s hand as she walked beside me. I walked up to my dad who hugged me and kissed me softly on the forehead. Mother and Mike on the other hand were confused and not very happy.

“You’re bi?” mother asked shockingly

“Yes, but I would say that’s better than what you are: a manipulative narcissist ready to sabotage her only daughter’s wedding just so she could get with a man half her age”

“She what?” Annie shouted

“Listen here…” Mike started

“And you, seriously, my own mother? Do you have any self-respect or the slightest decency? You back stabbing douchebag. I should thank you, but honestly, I don’t think I can now. You disgust me, both of you. Annie and I are going to our honeymoon, it’s the least you can do after all of this. I still you’re your reputation, they know you did something, but don’t know what.” Annie and I smiled at him

“What did he do?” dad approached us

“Only made me realize why you divorced y mother and why I never call her “mom”. I’ll let her explain the rest.” I put my hand on dad’s arm “Oh and don’t bother coming to the party you two” I turned around “I’m sure you can make one on your own in Mike’s apartment. If you even try entering the building, I’ll have security throw you out.” Those words tasked as sweet as honey as I said them while Annie and I made our way out.

Annie and I got in the “Just married” car and made our way to the hotel. I took my flower crown off and tossed it on the back seat with my heels as I started the car. Annie took off her heels and looked at me with sparkly eyes.

“A honeymoon with my best friend, huh?”

“It’s not weird for you now, is it?” I said fearing what might be her answer

“No” she said without hesitating “It’s still you” she smiled brightly “Besides, two weeks in Hawaii sound amazing”

“Yeah, it sounds absolutely perfect”  

So there you have it, my big day turned even bigger seeing how I turned a new leaf and came out in front of about seventy people, half who I don’t even know. I don’t want to sound like I’m turning my mother and Mike into bad guys here, honestly. Sure they did a really crappy thing and made me feel very hurt and small, but they did give me the extra push I needed to be true to me and the people I care about. Here I am five years later, married to my best friend and we just had our first child together. My dad is very happy for us and loves his granddaughter very much. It will take some time, but eventually I will get a somewhat normal relationship with my mother. Mike on the other hand ended things with my mother four days after the wedding day and has had two failed relationships, one of them ending in a similar way as ours. Confessing to Annie almost a year after was the best thing that’s happened to me, to us. We are both tremendously happy, all thanks to the fact that my mother ended up kissing my fiancé on our wedding day. Who would have thought?