Just a Regular Quarantine Day

"Why are you so lazy even in quarantine days? All I see you doing is sit down and run a laptop or a mobile. You spend the whole day doing nothing!" shouted Linda.

"I work so much harder than I used to but you never seem to be satisfied. Sometimes I think what will make you happy. I just cannot figure it out. Please make it easy for me," replied back Janine. "Mom, all I wanted was acceptance. It is something I have wanted all my life but no one seems to care. I am tired." Saying this, Janine barged out the door to the open environment where she felt free.

She knew she could not go out of the house. Her area was locked down for 50 days already. There was a severe pandemic situation going on which made her think that the letters D-E-M must be silent in the word pandemic.

It had already been days since she had met another human soul or a friend to express her feelings. All she could do was breathe the fresh air through her balcony.

She preferred to look at the sky and then look at the ground beneath. It was just her way of thinking about expectation vs reality.

This simple act helped her understand what she wants in life either the heights or the dumps. Either freedom or being dragged by the roots.

"Well I am always trapped in the middle," she thought.

She gazed at the stars.

"Even the stars know social distancing. I guess it was all for a reason," she thought to herself. In the cool breeze with the moonlit background, she found her guilty pleasure.

Today the wind seemed to hit her from both directions entangling her smooth hair. Janine always chinned up to cheat the pearls that seemed to desperately flow down through her drowning eyes. This night was nothing different.

As she lifted her head up with a heavy throat trying to gulp down her emotions, she remembered what her therapist once told her. "It does not matter what others think about you. It is all about how you picture yourself in your mind. Do not let your mind play games with you! If you know your worth, all of the voices are just background noises of a busy street. Just have a goal and do your best to reach your destination!"

This was all that she accomplished till now. With the quarantine, she had no other escape. Life taught her running from a situation and engaging in something else as a solution to all her problems. However, when she layed down her head expecting to dream, she experienced trouble tossing and turning all night. Even if she did fall asleep, the terrifying dreams would make her feel drowsy all day.

"I cannot run my whole life like this. I need to fix my broken pieces. Focus!" Suddenly, the sparkles in her eyes formed a look of determination. "Get yourself together. Let's talk about what good has happened!" This was not the first time she was conversing with herself.

"There is nothing good in life. You are fooling yourself!"

"Hey, that is not true. I can still try my best. After all they are family!"

"That is why nothing is good. They are supposed to support you, not make you feel bad about anything and everything you do!"

"Maybe they want me to excel. Maybe they are imposing restrictions to what caused them troubles in the past."

"So don't you do what they are saying already? It is never enough and it is never going to be. You always do your best and still fail. All your efforts are pointless!"

"At least I can say I did my best. Or maybe not? Maybe I can try harder. I will make attempts until opposition is exhausted. The day I win will be the day I sleep sound!"

The wind changed its flow on the spur of the moment. It had one resolute path flushing all the wrinkles on her forhead. She turned around gazing at the stars for the last time.

"Even though they are distanced, they are aligned. All of the stars have their own glow. None of them shine brighter than the other!"

Janine now entered through the door of the balcony. Exhaling deeply, she prepared herself for the next argument. Her mother was right in the next room staring at the table in front of the chair she was sitting on.

Hearing the door bang by the wind, Linda lost her focus. Linda came rushing to Janine.

Before Janine could say anything Linda explained her heart out. "Janine, you have a pure heart my child. You get upset over the smallest things in the world. I am your mother not your enemy. You have to make yourself strong enough to fight the world. I cannot keep protecting you all the time. All the things I say are to prepare you for the future. I may not always be there for you but my teachings will. I accept you the way you are. After all, you are the part of my body, only detached from it. But, you have to accept the fact that we need to change ourselves to the situation constantly. I don't know how I come off to you but I will always show you the right path even though you loathe me whether you like it or not."

Janine dropped the precious pearls this time. She knew she could rely on someone. She realized that she has to let things go and understand people rather than thinking they are blaming you for failure. After all, we do have to mould ourselves, try to be more flexible!

"So mom, how do you think we can spend our quarantine day 101 even more dramatically?"

Linda raised her hand. Afraid of the landing, Janine closed her eyes. Linda slowly caressed Janine's head brushing out her tangling hair. They both laughed off the quirky joke.

"I will try to do better," they both said together.