The Applicant

June 21, 2023

The Best or The Rest Marketing

121 Brown Drive, Suite 202

Atlanta, GA 30303

To the desk of The Best or the Rest Marketing,

I think you should hire me.

This is the 14th such letter I have written in as many weeks, and since I’ve gotten no reply, I’m trying my hand at bluntness.

You should hire me because I’m quickly approaching the "Best", and once I get there, it’ll be within your walls, creating your successes and earning you money.

Now that you’ve received 14 letters from me, you should also be able to tell that I’m dedicated.

I’m starting to doubt, however, whether you’re the Best.

Please respond with haste,

Sasha Morin

**

June 30, 2023

The Applicant

515 Tree Terrace Bridge

Alpharetta, GA 30004

Sasha,

Thank you for your interest in our company. We received all 14 of your letters, and were frankly alarmed at their increasing irreverence. 

In your 10th letter, you mentioned something about your gorilla showing up to our door. Was that a threat? That is very serious. I must also point out that your have no qualifications for this role whatsoever. Writing about a lotion-using gorilla hardly counts. I pray for the young people today, thinking they can finesse their way into a job with a few tall tales. 

Our company is looking for candidates that can stand on their own, not loose cannons that will bring the whole ship down with their fanciful ideas of skincare-spokesmen gorillas. Besides, can you imagine how costly that would be? 

The only refreshing thing about your profile is your preference for writing letters. It is a dying art.

All in all, we are looking for more realistic, professional candidates. 

Good luck in your career.

-The Best or The Rest Marketing

**

July 1, 2023

Sasha Morin

515 Tree Terrace Bridge

Alpharetta, GA 30004

Dear Sasha,

I’m so sorry for our tactless HR person. It was her last day on the job, and she spoke a little too freely in her correspondence to you. It has come to my attention that our former HR person was not passing on your letters—all 14 of them—to the creative team. That, in our opinion, is very unprofessional. 

I can understand your frustration in not receiving replies to your inquiries to work at our company. For that, I forgive the “irreverence” in some of your later correspondence. 

Moving onto your credentials, I think you’re a very talented creative. I'd love to hear more about your “Rise of the Gorilla” project for Dove. It’s very unconventional. Exactly the type of thinking we’re looking for at The Best or the Rest. I’d love to hear your thought process behind the naked gorilla as a spokesperson for soft skin, especially since so much of their messaging, as of late, has been about body positivity. 

When can you come in for an interview?

Feel free to use our email instead of postage. You can reach us at thebestisthebest@thebest.com

Looking forward to meeting you,

Alana Harris

Creative Director

The Best or the Rest Marketing

**

July 5, 2023

The Best or The Rest Marketing

121 Brown Drive, Suite 202

Atlanta, GA 30303

Dear Alana,

What a pleasant turn of events! Thank you so much for your reply. 

I can come in for an interview as early as July 10. You can reach me at this address, but I do not have a mobile phone, and I believe e-mail was invented as a scheme for identity theft. I prefer the post. 

As for the gorilla, I think it’s quite obvious. You want skin as smooth as a hairless gorilla. Because a hairy gorilla would have fairly rough skin, due to all the hair.

I look forward to July 10!

Best,

Sasha Morin.

**

July 8, 2023

Sasha Morin

515 Tree Terrace Bridge

Alpharetta, GA 30004

Dear Sasha,

I hope this letter reaches you quickly. 

Thank you for your fascinating views on, well, everything. 

I hope you won’t think us rude to rescind our interview offer. Please do not show up at our offices on July 10.

Thank you,

Alana Harris

Creative Director

The Best or the Rest Marketing

**

July 11, 2023

The Best or The Rest Marketing

121 Brown Drive, Suite 202

Atlanta, GA 30303

Alana,

I’m not sure what happened, but an old man, who is apparently your security guard, would not let me up to see you yesterday. I thought we had an appointment? I’m very disappointed. I will be writing to HR about this.

-Sasha Morin

**

July 13, 2023

Sasha Morin

515 Tree Terrace Bridge

Alpharetta, GA 30004

Dear Sasha,

I really think you should invest in a mobile phone. 

Please do not reach out to HR. She has been fired, and we don’t yet have a replacement.

Thank you,

Alana Harris

Creative Director

The Best or the Rest Marketing

**

July 16, 2023

The Best or The Rest Marketing

121 Brown Drive, Suite 202

Atlanta, GA 30303

To the desk of The Best or the Rest Marketing,

I hope my letter reaches you well. I’m calling to inquire about the open position for HR Professional. I am an organized, dedicated individual with out-of-the-box problem-solving skills. 

I’ve spent 3 years tending chickens in Mongolia. From that experience, I’ve learned that you won’t always get the solutions you want, but you must trust that the process will have your back. I’m not entirely sure what that means, but that’s what the chicken farmer told me.

I hope you’ll consider me for this position. Please let me know if you have any questions.

Sincerely,

Sasha Morin

**

July 22, 2023

Sasha Morin

515 Tree Terrace Bridge

Alpharetta, GA 30004 

Dear Ms. Sasha Morin,

This is a notification that you must cease all contact with the company “The Best or the Rest Marketing” and any of its employees. 

The Fulton County Police Department has been notified that you are distressing the employees of the stated company, and if you do not cease contact, a restraining order will be implemented.

Signed,

Sean Copper

Sheriff

Fulton County Police Department