Jealous of Myself

"Have you ever noticed how that same homeless guy sits out there every day? The one with the dirty gray hair." I say to Jessie, my coworker as he mops the floor of the Seven-Eleven we both work at. 

"Beats me, man. There are always at least a couple of homeless people hanging around here. They think somebody will throw them a bone I guess. What's got you so interested in that dude anyway?" Jessie says without even looking up at me. 

"I don't know. Everyone else out there seems to move along eventually, but he never seems to leave. I see him every day but I haven't even said a word to him. It kinda makes me feel like a jerk." 

"To be honest I couldn't care less. Homeless people are a dime a dozen, and they're the last thing I want to think about after a long night cleaning this god-forsaken place." Jessie seemed completely disinterested. He's usually quiet during our shifts except when you get him talking about whatever new boy he's dating. He likes to get stuff done and I can respect that. I went back to staring at the clock where I got to see my two least favorite things in the whole world. One, watching the seconds of my shift slowly tick by as I waste my twenties, and two my repulsive reflection. I know nothing is technically wrong with how I look, but I hate it inexplicably. Even though I acknowledge that I look at least halfway decent something has always felt off. No matter how hard I try to ignore it, I can't shake the feeling I don't look like I want to. I slowly watched the clock tick away till the hour hand hit ten. 

"And that's the end of my shift! See ya, tomorrow dude." Jessie said heading to leave. "By the way can you lock up for me? That'd be great man, bye!"

"Hang on I don't wanna loc-" But Jessie was already in his car leaving before I could even finish my sentence. "Fine, I'll do it. Thanks, me you're so accommodating." I grumbled while counting the money in the register and tidying the store. On my way out I remembered the gray-haired person living outside. I decided to grab a water bottle, a boxed sandwich, and a pizza Lunchables and put them all in a small seven-eleven-brand grocery bag. After walking out the front door I looked over at the homeless man, still sitting in the same position I've seen him all day. "Hey um… dude?" I said seeing the silver-haired man give me a groggy, but polite look. "I got you something from the convenience store. I know it's not much but still, here." I handed the bag to the homeless man before he gave me a wide, warm yellow smile. 

"Thanks, buddy, I appreciate it. Now I don't have to fight with that astronomically annoying Gerald over food tonight." The man looked up at me with a kind expression and the same warm smile as before. "You've done me a great kindness today. Is there anything I could do for you in return?"

"No, it's fine really. I don't need anything. I've just seen you out here a lot and I wanted to do something to help." I stood for a second about to head to my car out of sheer awkwardness.

"Nonsense! I'm sure there's something you need. A problem that needs solving or perhaps some truths that need realizing. I'm a man of many talents! Just give me something to work with and I'll help you out." The homeless man said pointing one of his thin fingers at the plastic bag I had handed him. I turned to leave before a strange light caught my attention, the grey-haired man's finger was glowing a soft, buzzing blue color. The bag he was pointing at wasn't in place I thought it was. I was puzzled for a second before looking up, seeing the bag open itself in mid-air and float its contents in front of the old man. "Oh, you got me Luchables? I love these things! I absolutely must give you something in return now. So how about it buddy what problem can I help you with?" The old timer exclaimed with another kind smile. 

"How are you doing that? How is that possible? Who even are you?" I shouted with a combination of curiosity and fear.  

"I'm magic, that's how I'm doing it. You should learn sometime. It's way easier than using your hands to open bags. And as for what I am, that doesn't matter. Think of me as your friendly curbside wizard or your fairy godparent. Now let me ask again, what can I do to help you this fine, deary evening?"  

I pause for a moment, thinking about my biggest frustration in life. "Well um…I've kinda been having a problem with the way I look. There's something wrong with me that nobody else seems to notice. I feel like a crazy person for being the only one to realize I look off. I just wish I didn't have to look so wrong when I look in the mirror." 

"That problem's easy enough for me to solve. Just leave everything to your friendly neighborhood homeless wizard." The curbside wizard said lifting two glowing figures first to his face, before pointing at my eyes. I was blinded in a flash as the light seemed to leave his fingers and reappear in my eyes. I blinked for a minute trying to regain my vision. "There! All done, problem solved."

"I…I don't feel any different." I say still frazzled from the blinding light. "What did you do?" I stagger a bit as I look at the glass window of the convenience store. Just then I saw a beautiful girl through the glass. I was kind of jealous of just how good she looked before I realized something was off. Firstly nobody should have been in the store after I locked up, and secondly, she seemed to be almost transparent like a ghost or a reflection. I quickly ran up to the door, unlocked it, and went inside. I flipped on the lights, but to my shock, the store was completely empty. I looked back outside not only seeing the old wizard man, who seemed to be chuckling to himself, but also the same woman from before. I was about to rush outside before I realized the woman moved in the same way I did. I raised my right hand, and so did she. I made a weird face, and she did the same. "What is happening? This…this is my reflection. No, no, no that's not true, that not possible!" I ran to the convenience store bathroom and looked in the mirror, only to confirm that the gorgeous woman was my reflection. She had long flowing blonde hair and light blue eyes, just like mine. I touched my head, expecting to feel the same lustrous hair I saw, but I only felt my own short dirty blonde hair. I felt around for a moment before realizing that my reflection and I looked completely different. I still looked like my usually crummy self while she looked perfect. She looked beautiful, with eyes full of confidence and gleam. "My reflection looked like a perfect me. If only I looked like that." I immediately realized what I was saying. "I don't want to look like a woman. That's…that's crazy it doesn't make sense. Why would I ever want to look perfect like her." I sighed trying not to confront the ideas that were flooding into my head about myself. I suddenly remembered the old wizard and quickly made my way back outside to the curb. "You! What weird magic thing did you do to my reflection? Why do I look like a beautiful woman?"

The old man looked at me giving me a chuckle. "All I did was solve your problem. I cast a spell that made your reflection look like your true ideal self. What your reflection resembles now is want to look like."

"I…but I don't want to look like her. Even if she looks perfect and happy. I don't want to be a woman, right?" I looked back at my reflection in the window. "Why am I so jealous of her? How come she gets to look right?"

"She is you. She's what you want to be and what you can be. Don't you realize what's going on? You shouldn't fight who you truly are." 

I stared at myself in the window. I never thought I could look so confident and content. "Oh my god, I want to be a woman like her. I don't wanna be my guy self anymore that's why I hate how I look."

"Bingo! Way to figure it out, buddy. I'm glad I could help you realize that about yourself. Now if you'll excuse me I need to go make sure Gerald doesn't take my sleeping box again. Bye-bye." The gray-haired wizard said floating off the ground and spinning into the air. 

"Wait!" I shouted, gaining the wizard's attention. I took one last look at my beautiful reflection in the mirror. "I'll make sure to get you more Lunchables tomorrow." At that, the helpful homeless wizard smiled and flew away, leaving me finally at peace with what I've always wanted to be.