Warning: Contains suicidal thoughts
I once went to heaven.
It felt like a soft, pastel yellow. It had a glow that you couldn't describe, no one could express it. It was so...
So idyllic, no worries at all. I had always thought of coming here, a little trip that would last forever. I would only feel peace. Happiness. Everything I was missing on Earth. This met my expectations at an overwhelming level.
And most important of all, I could see her.
The only person that ever cared about me, the only person that heard me. Saw me. Knew when something was wrong.
And yet, God chose her. HER. He chose HER to be his companion up in heaven, even though he had 101 billion others.
God probably hates me.
He gave me these ignorant parents, these non-existent friends. And the one thing that finally made me happy got snapped away, stolen by him.
She was perfect in every way. Straight-A student. The prettiest girl at school. A great athlete. Head of the student council. She had done nothing wrong. She had every reason to live. Her friends loved her, our parents loved her... I loved her.
It should've been me.
Please, God. Let me stay. Just let me have this one choice.
As the wind surrounded me, the reality of life hit me once again.
That fictional world had left me, God declined me once again. But yet left me, a girl on a cruise ship with the cold winter air.
He gave me a choice.
And He must've been almost certain that I was going to jump. To throw this life away. I was almost certain.
But then fear overcame me, a little voice in my head that whispered.
This won't stop life from getting worse. It just prevents it from getting better.