Are You There?

7.10 am       Sarah:  Are you there?

7.15 am      Sarah: Are you still asleep? 

7.20 am      Sarah: Wake up!!

7.22 am      Sarah: For fuck’s sake I can’t wait any longer. I have to tell someone. ARE YOU AWAKE???

7.23 am      Sarah: Right I don’t care if you’re awake or not. This is huge. Fucking huge. No-one else can see your phone right? Oh god please wake up!!!

7.24 am      Sarah: I really hate people who have their phone on silent at night. How the hell can people contact you in an emergency??? And this is a FUCKING EMERGENCY!!!!

7.25 am      Sarah: Oh god this is ridiculous! You need to answer! Now!! 

7.45 am       Sarah: Please reply. Shit got to go

8.01 am       Sarah: I’m back. He’s gone out. Please say you’re awake now?

8.04 am       Sarah: I don’t know what to do. Should I leave? Please wake up and help me. I can’t do this on my own. It’s too confusing.

8.08 am       Sarah: Okay I just have to tell you on here then. I can’t wait any longer. I just hope no-one else can see your phone. If Jed sees it I’m dead. He’ll tell Caleb and I don’t know what he’d do. I’m scared Jess. I’m really scared and I don’t know what to do. Please wake up and help me. It’s gone 8 for fuck’s sake! I don’t want to write it down.

8.10 am       Sarah: Why the hell aren’t you up yet? Don’t you have to go to work? 

8.12 am       Sarah: Okay. I have to tell you. I’ll have to risk Jed seeing it. Jess it’s Caleb. He’s using again. He told me that had all stopped. He promised he wouldn’t touch it again. You know what it does to him. It turns him… well you know what it does. I can’t do this again. You know what happened last time. Jess please help me.

8.15 am       Sarah:  He’s gone out to buy more. I think he’ll be a while he has to go to town and the car’s broken. Should I leave before he gets back? What do you think? Should I leave him? I don’t know what to do. I hate him when he uses, and he hates me. 

8.16 am       Sarah: But when he doesn’t, I love him Then he’s the person I met all those years ago. The cool guy with the sexy smile and the sexy bike. Not that he has the bike now of course. He sold that to fund the drugs. So he’s not that person anymore. Is he? Can he be? Jess? Should I wait for him to be that person again? Please wake up.

8.20 am       Sarah: He took a knife when he left. Said it was for protection.

8.25 am       Sarah: He shouldn’t need to take a knife. Why would he need a knife unless he’s planning to hurt someone?

8.26 am       Sarah: He took a knife that other time. You remember?  Last time he was using. He used it that time and you know what happened then. He was lucky then, it could be worse next time.

8.30 am       Sarah:  He’s been gone half an hour now. Please tell me what to do. Should I leave before he gets back or do I give him another chance? Does he deserve another chance? Can he be that lovely person again or has he gone forever? If he’s gone forever I can’t live with the person he is now. He scares me. Really scares me. He says things Jess. Bad things. Sometimes I think

8.33 am       Sarah: Sorry heard a noise. Had to check it wasn’t him. If he knew I was telling you these things I don’t know what he’d do. He gets so angry. So very angry. He throws things. He breaks things and he doesn’t care. Until later. Sometimes.

8.35 am       Sarah: He says he loves me. Then he says he hates me. He says it’s all my fault that he uses. That I drove him to it. I don’t understand. I don’t know why he says that. He won’t explain. Then he blames his mother. Oh god I hope he hasn’t gone to see her! He was so angry with her before he went out. I should warn her. Back in a minute.

8.40 am       Sarah: She’s not answering her phone. I guess she may be at work. What day is it? I’ve lost track. I could text her. But I don’t want to write it down in case he sees it. He looks at my phone so he may look at hers. I have to keep my phone on silent else he’ll read all my messages. Every time it pings he grabs it and reads it. He’s obsessed that I’m being unfaithful. He won’t believe me. And if I get a message from a man all hell breaks loose. I spend half my time deleting messages from my phone just in case he reads them later. Even though they’re quite innocent. He can read things into any message. I’ll have to delete all this thread before he gets back. So I really need you to answer Jess. Please answer.

8.45 am       Sarah: Is it Saturday? Is that why you’re not up yet? It may be Saturday I guess. He hasn’t let me go out for days so I’ve lost track. He didn’t want anyone to see me until the bruises faded. It’s okay when they’re on my arms or legs, but this time one of his flying objects got me on the cheek. God there was a lot of blood! You’d have hated it.

8.50 am      Sarah: I’m watching out the window now in case he comes back. If he does I’ll have to go. But Jess, please can you come over when you get these messages. I really need you. I don’t know what to do. I think I should leave, but I don’t know where to go. I can’t come to you cos he’d find me and drag me back home. And he is Jed’s friend. I don’t want you to have any grief. So where can I go? I can’t go to my Mum cos he’ll follow me there and I don’t want her scared. Maybe I should just disappear. Could I do that d’you think? Just get on a train and just go. Far away. I could start a new life in the country. D’you think I’d do okay in the country Jess? I could get a job in a café or something. Maybe do fruit picking. Never come back. I’d be safe. There’d be no drugs. No violence. It’d be peaceful. For the first time. Maybe I can do that.

8.51 am       Sarah:  I’ll text you if I do that. You can come and visit. But you mustn’t tell Jed or he’ll tell Caleb. Caleb mustn’t find me. It has to be peaceful. I can do this.

8.55 am       Sarah: Oh shit he’s coming up the path. Gotta go. 

9.15 am       Jess:  Sarah? WTF? 25 messages>? Jesus girl, are you okay?

9.16 am       Jess: I slept in. My phone was on silent. I’m sorry. Are you okay? I’ll come over.

9.20 am       Jess:  I tried to call you. Please pick up. I’m on the way.

9.21 am       Jess: Sarah? Are you okay? My messages are not saying delivered. Are you okay? Oh shit I‘m coming. Oh fuck a police car just screeched past towards your house. Shit.