I'll be Fine.

It began again tonight at exactly 11.05pm. The music was loud as usual to drown the screaming and shouting. We were both awake; I and Uloma. She was shivering already, grasping the sheet like they could stop the turmoil raging in the living room .

I trembled.

‘Lord, please keep mom safe.’ I prayed silently. 

Uloma was sniffing loudly digging her nails into the pillow. 

“Stuff your ears with the neck pillow, it would help”. She only nodded while I handed over the pillow —it did nothing. 

“Wh… .en would mama and pa..pa stop yelling at each other? “ Uloma asked, her eyes were filled with tears just as mine was. Her little voice shook as she spoke. How could I possibly tell her that I had no idea. 

She didn’t deserve this, we both didn’t. Mom should be here ensuring we were well tucked in for the night, dad could assist with a bed time story, or maybe help with the lights. The only sound we should hear should be mom’s profuse kisses as we drifted to sleep. But then the volume of the music increased , so did the shouting and screaming. I couldn’t make out what was it they were arguing about. I just wanted it to stop. My back stiffened against the wall, but I managed a weak smile, just to reassure Uloma before responding. After all, I was the big sister.

“Soon, very soon, but for now let’s rehearse what we’re going to say to them, shall we?” She shook her head slowly in agreement chewing on the bottom of her lower lip. 

“Dad, stop yelling at mom… .mom don’t yell at dad. We want you both to be happy.” She rehearsed over and over again in broken rhymes. She said it more to reassure herself that it would all be alright . This was not all we had wanted to say, but it was all Uloma could remember. I had a thousand words to say to dad and mom. First was the loud music, it was of no use, the entire neighborhood was awake , and we were also well aware of what was going on in the living room. I’ll also tell them about how we do not............”

There was a loud thud that came from the living room. Uloma screamed, I followed.

I ran towards the door, I just couldn’t ignore this. 

“Dad says not to leave the room when the music is playing “ 

“Didn’t you hear that? I need to know what’s going on in the living room” 

She shook her head from side to side, enforcing her reasons for staying back. Her face had reddened from too much crying. She sniffed constantly to avoid the catarrh running down her quivering lips. 

“We need to go to the living room, if not, they wouldn’t stop yelling. “ Her eyes were wide as she stared at me ,her expression blank, devoid of any understanding. The tears had joined the catarrh that ran from her nose. She looked so vulnerable. My own tears were already wetting my pajamas. I wiped the mixed tears and catarrh with the edge of my pyjamas. I had to assure her somehow even if I was doing a terrible job at it. I took her little hands into my shaky ones. 

“Maybe they’ll stop yelling when they see us”

Her hands were clamped with sweat and they still trembled. Squeezing them gently I coed. “Let’s see what’s happened”

There was another shattering, and then another jabbing and then a crash, which was followed by a deathly silence. Something must have broken—or someone. My heart leaped out of my chest has I flung the door of the living room open. 

I found mom on the floor just beside the sofa. Her face was swollen and her eyes had turned a deep red. All that wasn’t new save a piercing just below her eye, a piece of broken glass was stuck into it; a large piece. It created a gash just below her eye ,bathing the piece in crimson, so were the droplets that flowed and smeared the sofa. Mom needed attention urgently. My gaze moved to the broken bottles on the floor and other damaged stuffs. 

“What are you doing here? “ Dad thundered. He was not like him. His eyes were fired up and his nose flared wide open. His teeth yellow from cigarette and the beards stood out from the corners of his face. He didn’t look like dad—this was a beast! 

“I… .i.. We wanted to… ……”

Uloma lunged right in after dad , ferociously kicking at him with her little fist. 

“You hit mama, you hit mama, you hit mama” She cried as she continued to hit him with all the strength she could muster. 

“Take your sister to your room and stay there!” Dad Hollered , shoving Uloma aside with a single swing. My own tears threatened to choke me. I stood motionless starring at mom and the pool her blood was already creating. Now was the time to speak, to say all we had rehearsed in the room, but I just stayed and stared at mom, my whole being shook, wondering if I would ever survive this night.

“Go in with your sister, I’ll be fine.”

I followed mom’s gaze to where Uloma stood. Frozen. There was not a single tear, nor a sob from her, she just stared at dad as he made his way into the kitchen. At once fear seized me again, the same thought seemed to cross mom’s mind as she screamed, “Go in with your sister! “

This time she didn’t add ‘I’ll be fine’. Nothing was, nothing would be. It was hell. 

I ran to where Uloma stood paralyzed and cradled her in my arms as quickly as I could. She nestled right in close to my chest, where my heart galloped. 

‘Lord please.’ 

I took one last look at mom, she’d grown white. 

“I’ll be fine” she whispered. 

I clasped Uloma’s hands tightly and lead her up the stairs with trembling legs. We had barely entered the room when we heard dad’s loud footsteps on the stair case. My heart jumped. His steps stopped right at the door of our bedroom and then we heard the lock click. He had shut us in. 

I sat at the edge of the bed with Uloma, we held hands staring out the window. The tears flowed seamlessly down our faces but it didn’t matter. 

“Would mama be fine?” Uloma asked looking up at me. I stared at her in silence. 

“I don’t know.” I finally say. 

“She’ll be fine.” She muttered to reassure herself before curling up beside me and then final falling asleep. I sat motionless staring at the window. There was no sleep left in my eyes, even the tears had stopped. I sat at the edge of the bed and waited for the night to turn into day. ‘Joy comes in the morning’, I thought. I sat and stared at the window till the first rays of the sun peeped through the dark sky. I knew that mornings always marked a new beginning . Our lives would never be the same without mother. I shut my eyes praying silently for a miracle, for I was as sure as the dawn, that she was not fine.