Trigger Warning: talk of physical abuse and self harm


Can you keep a secret?

Well of course you can. You don't know who I am, so everyone will believe someone is just jerking your chain

I'm right, aren't I?

It's fun having a secret pen pal.

It's fun watching you squirm, trying to figure out who I am.

It hasn't happened yet simple because you haven't received this yet

It will happen though.

How about a little game?

You figure out who I am by the end of this month and you win.

C'mon now use your sleuthing skills, Sherlock.

Should I bring you a little hat and pipe too?

Until next time dear, XO


Hello darling, how are you?


I wish I could have been there when you received your first letter, but I would have been too conspicuous.

First clue.

I'll be really disappointed if you can't figure it out.

Just tell me if you need more clues.

See what I did there? :)

I'm enjoying this.

Are you? I would hope you are.

I don't grace many people with my beautiful words.

Oh look, another clue.

I'll let you find the rest of them from here on out.

Until next time dear, XO


Miss me?

It's the end of the first week.

Have you ever played that game Guess Who?

It's like that but there's only one player this time.


Admit it, this is the most exciting part of your day. You sit in stupid classes all day with no reprieve as they figuratively beat into you the realities of life. Then you get home and do the exact same shit except their beatings leave bruises.

Don't you wish you could do something about it? Don't you ever want to hurt them back? Is that why you're joining the military? If it is, I understand.

I understand.

Until next time dear, XO


Sorry about that last one. It was a bit intense. I'll try to refrain from such intensity in further notes.


You seem to be different lately. I can't quite put my finger on it. Is it because of me? Who do you expect to find?

Will you be disappointed when you find out who I really am?

There are times when I think long and hard about something and yet I don't think it through. This is one of those times.

I'm afraid you'll hate me.

It's not that irrational, is it?

You're a good person.

You need to know that.

Good people deserve better people.

Don't be surprised if I'm not as good as you think I am.

Until next time dear, XO


Afternoon, love.

I hope you are doing well today.

How close are you to finding me?

It's interesting watching you stumble around trying to find me. You stare at everyone suspiciously.

It's funny.

I'm kinda hungry right now. I'm trying to think of things to write to you and all I can think of is food.

Yeah, I think I might go to Sonic.

Or something.

Oh wait.

I found crackers in my desk drawer.

Yay, Ritz!

Crackers really do taste better when you've had nothing else good to eat in a while.

Or nothing in general.

Where was I?

Do you have a favourite food?

I just realized I don't know much about you. I know the deep stuff, but that's what I've discerned. You act very open but that's not true. You put on a front for everyone.

Do you think, after all this, you could let me in?

I want to see your broken places.

Until next time dear, XO


Hey, how are you?

You don't have to lie to me, I saw the bruises. And the limp.

No fresh cuts though?

I'm not berating you or anything, I'm just surprised.

What's changed?

I feel kinda shameful of mine now.

Last night was hellish.

You know that pressure you feel when you're in water up to your neck and each breath feels weighted?

You ever feel that way when you're out of the water?

I used to be afraid of the ocean. The giant waves rush over me, threatening to sweep me off my feet.

Now it would be a welcome relief.

You know what I am afraid of, though?


I guess you're going to have to figure it out.

I have a question for you.

Are you afraid of drowning?

Until next time dear, XO


We're almost done darling.

How about some more incentive?

After this month, I will stop the letters.

If you never wanted to find me in the first place, you only have to deal with a couple more of these.

If not then time is running out.



Normally I write these relatively fast but I don't know what to say for some reason. I thought maybe listening to music would help but it just makes me want to paint.

Smear colours across a canvas until something makes sense.

You ever think of people as colours? I do. I see them as blues and pinks and reds and purples and everything else.

Except magenta.

I only see real colours.

You're a blue.

Don't ask me how or why.

You just are.

It's not a bad thing. Blues are some of my favourites.

Not reds.

I hate reds.

And greens.

Greens are just reds in disguise.

Does that make sense?

I hope so.

Until next time dear, XO


It's the middle of the day right now which is an oddity for me. I normally write these at home but I'm bored.


It's really quiet where I'm at.

It makes it hard to focus.

Some kid behind me dropped a book and I actually jumped.

It's that quiet.

I am once again at an impasse for words.

Thinking over previous letters, I realize I sound a bit scatterbrained. I swear this is just my inner monologue.

Actually, that may explain it.

I feel like that kid is staring at me and it's kind of unnerving.

I don't want to look at them in case they aren't, but it's still awkward nonetheless.

What was I talking about?


I can't focus with this kid.

I'm about to throw something at it.


Shitshitshit shit shit

It's you

You found me

I can't say I'm not scared

This is what I'm afraid of

What are you going to do now?

It's all up to you

Until next time dear, XO

August 20, 2020 21:37

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11:58 Aug 28, 2020

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