Eep, Opp, Ork, Ah-ah!

It was just another day at work, or at least that's how it started. Consulting work was sometimes a drag, sometimes a joy. In Dubai, it was a little bit of both. Fun to see the culture, try the foods, wander through the parking garage with crazy exotic cars. But like anywhere it had its downsides as well.

Extremely hot, occasional sandstorms and less than obvious local laws don't help. Try and find yourself a good bacon cheeseburger and beer there sometime, it isn't easy (or all that good of a burger). But the money is great, and we all gotta do what we gotta do.

What I wanted to do right now was go have a cigarette. Analyzing the business requests was a strain on the eyes after a while, and I needed a break. I walked over by the project manager Tarek's desk, and waited for him to get off his call. "I'm going to hit the observation deck on 124 for a quick cigarette" I said after he was off. Tarek replied with "Of course, my friend, please enjoy your break. We will be here when you return, Inshallah". What a great voice he has I thought. I smiled, slightly bowed to him and headed toward the elevator.

For as tall as the Burj Khalifa building is, the elevators are pretty fast. Granted they got a little bit crowded and slower at certain times of day, but never as bad as in some other cities. Then again, it has the advantage of being built after Y2K unlike a lot of office buildings elsewhere. The Sears Tower was built before I was born, and boy the difference shows. The bell dinged, and I got in.

The trip to floor 124 was short and fast, and amazingly I was alone in the elevator. At least this trip I was smart, and brought a carton of cigarettes with me. Here it was easy to get some of the exotic European cigarette brands you can't get in the US, but impossible to get American Spirits. It's not like there are many places that allow smoking either, at least not in the business areas. I'm still not sure if it was actually legal to smoke on the observation deck, but nobody has ever said anything. I try not to do it more than a couple of times a day, just in case. Well, also because of the blazing heat while you're out there.

At least at that height, it wasn't as bad as on the ground. Still on a day where ground level temps hit 118f, it was "only" around 105 up here. And dry of course, so even the 105 here wasn't as bad as 95 back home in Tampa, Florida. It was probably only in the upper 90s on the deck today as it was a bit cloudy. “That one cloud looks pretty weird” I said aloud as I looked at them, luckily nobody else was nearby to hear me.

It wasn’t just the shape looked off, but the colors and shadows weren’t the same as the other clouds. It wasn’t as round and flat as the rest, more squarish. And not as much internal fluffiness either. The bluish tinge to its greys was really odd too. I can’t recall having seen a cloud that looked like that before. And it was moving in this direction too. Hmm, oh well I thought and went to light the cigarette. Right as the lighter sparked, the cloud squared up a bit more, turned a little bluer and started moving faster in this direction.

Not like I’m the panicky sort but that gave me a bit of a gut wrench. It was moving faster than the other clouds and in a different direction. That certainly wasn’t normal. I looked around and I was the only person on the observation deck. That didn’t leave me feeling any better, but I wasn’t spooked enough to abandon the cigarette. It wasn’t like it was replaceable until I got back to the US. And that was still a few weeks awy.

Taking a drag off the cigarette helped for a moment. But by the looks of it, I wouldn’t finish the cigarette before it was overhead. I chuckled at myself, it’s a freakin cloud. Not like there was much lightning here, and even if the cloud was weird, it was a cloud for gods sake. I’m sure Tarek will have some interesting story for me about how historically clouds like that were a sign of something or another. He was a great guy, part of what made being here a bit easier. Always a helping hand, always a kind phrase to help through any stressful moments. Maybe part of that was his age, he was in his mid 60s I think, so perhaps that was part of his zen-like demeanor.

Dang I wish he was up here as the cloud got closer and closer I felt my stress rise. Thankfully (Inshallah I thought) I didn’t have a fear of heights or any other phobias, but it seems like I was beginning to get whatever a fear of clouds is called. I guess I can look it up on my phone… if I hadn’t left it at my desk. The pocket pat and check for the phone did distract me for a moment from the cloud, but when I looked back up it was just about overhead. Suddenly the temperature felt a lot cooler, but I wasn’t sure if it was me beginning to panic, or just the darkness of that cloud absorbing more sun.

The cloud dropped closer to the observation deck, and I started to realize how small it was relative to the other clouds. It couldn’t have been more than a couple of hundred feet across. There was a quick flash of bright light from it and then standing about 10 feet in front of me was well, I don’t know what to call it. I would have said creature, but it didn’t really look like anything living I’ve seen before. It was a vaguely humanoid shape, but it seemed to be made out of cloud. Swirling translucent to opaque areas inside it, all blueish tinged. It was beautiful enough that I forgot to be scared.

Then it spoke. Well, it made sounds at least in what I assumed was language. It sounded something like “Erps Opp Ork Tang Glor”. The cigarette fell from my mouth and for a moment all I could do was blink. I’ve travelled around the world, worked with people from all over the planet, sat with CEOs of near trillion dollar companies and I had no idea what to do here. I half wanted to pick the cigarette back up but I didn’t want to take my eyes off him. So I pulled one out of the pack and lit it without looking.

Realizing it seems you’re stalling in what perhaps is the first human encounter with an alien kicked enough adrenaline and endorphins into my brain for me to at least say “Excuse me? I didn’t understand that”, which felt pretty lame after it left my lips. The thing replied with another bunch of gibberish sounds that didn’t help. His swirls started to change shape a bit which had me a little worried, but he hadn’t moved closer, or moved his appendages. “I don’t understand that either” I replied, wondering whether it was worth my time to try some other languages. Except most of what I knew in languages other than English was “please”, “thank you” and “where is the bathroom”, none of which seemed appropriate. Well maybe “where is the bathroom” as the anxiety was giving my bladder a bit of a push.

That didn’t seem like an appropriate response, but thinking that maybe that’s what he was asking had me chuckle internally which helped my tension. I was wracking my brain for good phrases in other languages and somehow a piece of Latin popped into my head and I said “Quis custodiet ipsos custodes” – Who will guard the guardians themselves. His swirls moved faster for a moment and he flashed brighter and darker for a moment and replied “Forsitan spectemus invicem” and I blinked hard again in surprise. It sure sounded like Latin, but I didn’t have the slightest clue what it meant.

But it gave me some hope that we could work out a middle ground. After all that was a lot of what I did in consulting, work out the middle ground during mergers, acquisitions etc. So I fell back into working mode, and tried a piece of Spanish “Que paso mi amigo?”. His color shifts and swirls were faster this time and he almost immediately replied with “Bien, y tu?”. “Bien” I replied, which also hit about the end of my Spanish knowledge. “I wish I knew more Spanish” I said, as I had no idea where to go from here.

It replied “No worries my friend, I’ve worked out your current language” which somehow was more of a shock than anything up till this point. “Why me” I muttered under my breath, not intending it to be aloud. It replied with “20 of your earth years ago we received a partial garbled audio message of I Love You from your planet in our language and we came to see if it was one of our people lost here.” Thankfully his colors and movements were soothing, because that took me to another level of being lost.

“You got a message of I Love You from Earth?” I asked while shaking my head and taking another drag from the second cigarette. Again, glad I lit it as it gave me that moment to compose myself. I suppose its like those Twix commercials where jamming one in your mouth gives you that moment to not have to respond. “The message was otherwise garbled, but that part was clear” it replied as its swirls slowed a bit more and the color flickering also slowed. “The signal was weak enough by the time it reached us that we did not have the ability to be certain where on Earth it originated, so we started in the areas that was closest to our home planet’s environment” he added, then seemed to almost put his arms on his hips waiting for me to respond.

I quickly puffed the cigarette a few times while I thought. Donning my analyst hat again, I asked “Do you have a copy of that audio with you?” hoping it would take him some time so I could continue to compose myself. Why of all times did I leave my phone at the desk? He waved an arm towards the cloud and a tiny tendril came down from the cloud, forming a ball in his hand. He put his other hand over it and “Eep Opp Ork Ah-Ah” came from the ball.

“Is that the whole audio file?” I asked quizzically with my eyebrow raised. “There may have been more in the original audio but it was very degraded over that distance, and this was all I was given” it replied, with somehow his semi-amorphous body taking a pose that felt like embarrassment to me. Keeping my working mindset in place I scratched my chin. There was something vaguely familiar here but it was escaping me. Maybe because it shouldn’t be familiar, I thought.

The creature moved his hands around the ball again, and it repeated “Eep Opp Ork Ah-Ah” but it sounded a bit different this time. Not the words, but it sounded like there was music behind it. Maybe a guitar and drums? “Can you play it like that again?” and he did. It felt even more familiar but still nothing specific. “You say you received it 20 years ago, what would that mean in terms of when it was sent?” He paused, another speedup of his swirls and flashes then said “It would have been in 1962 in your years”

I was sort of hoping the answer was 1947, as at least the Roswell incident would have made sense. I scratched my chin as I thought and shook my head as I said “I don’t believe that in 1962 humanity would have had any more knowledge of your people and it’s language than we do today.” With another quick flickering it made a gesture that seemed like a shrug, and said “We had no people reported missing in this area, but still felt it was worth checking. I’ll be leaving now”. Then with another flash from the cloud he disappeared and the cloud rapidly rose as well disappearing into the other clouds.

Second cigarette today I spit out from surprise before finishing it. I yelled “Wait” but I couldn’t even see the blue square cloud. Looking around there was still no-one else on the observation deck. I slapped my forehead, here I got first contact with an intelligent alien race and not only did I not have any proof but also got nothing valuable from it, and no way to communicate with them again. Well, at least I got a laugh from it. After all being stuck traveling through space for 20 years checking on a slightly garbled message of “I Love You” is way worse than anything I’ve had to deal with work wise before. I pondered lighting another cigarette but that seemed like tempting fate at this point, so I gathered the 2 butts from the ground and headed back to the elevator and downstairs.

I went and grabbed a coffee before heading back to my desk, secretly wishing I could pour some bourbon in instead. But not here in Dubai. I was already starting to wonder if maybe it was a heat stroke hallucination, or some delayed jet lag symptom. Oh well, I had work to do and as nobody would believe there was no point in mentioning what happened to anyone. Still that phrase ran through my head with the hints of guitar and drums in the background. Welp, back to analyzing business requests.

As I walked towards Tarek’s desk, he wasn’t busy so I stopped by. “Anything I missed while I was away?” I asked hoping there was something to distract me and get that earworm of a phrase and music out of my head. “No my friend, but you look troubled. Is something wrong?” he replied in that kind voice. I figured there was no harm in that part so I told him “I have this weird sound that feels like it’s a part of a song in my head, but I have no idea what it is. It’s Eep Opp Ork Ah-Ah” I said, trying to replicate the rhythm of the music as I said it.

Tarek’s face lit up and he laughed as he stood up and gave me a hug. “Ah my friend, that means I Love You” he said with a huge smile. “In what language does it mean that? Cause I have no idea.” Tarek saw my confusion and said “That is a song from an episode of the Jetsons. I’ve told you before that my father travelled with us for work when I was a child. The joys of American children’s television still stick with me today, as we had nothing so wonderful as that here.”

“Oh” I said, “I guess I forgot and somehow it got came to my mind today. Thanks Tarek, you’re a lifesaver” and headed back to my desk to immerse myself in analysis. Well, after I watched some Jetsons I guess. I wish I could let the alien know that he could stream it on Tubi but no way to tell him. “Time to push the button” I thought as it was all I could remember of the Jetsons, but that would change soon.