Forever Waiting.

The tires of our work van slowly slid to a stop against the snow piled curb of the main street of our northern Canadian town.The wipers swished a clear spot away on the windshield of the 1990 dodge caravan. The snow was light, but it had already been snowing for three days.It was becoming more difficult to care for our special needs clients.I turn off the radio which was crackling in and out with bits and pieces of a weather report.I took a deep breath to gather my senses.It was only two in the afternoon.No sunshine peeking out in the sky.Just gloomy grey everywhere.Even the fresh snow seemed gloomy.I reached over to the passager side and pick up my briefcase turn of the van and opened the door.A gust of the northwind cut through my blue down filled parka.The snow on the ground already reached my knee high muclucs.The last thing I heard it was minus thirty-five with a windchill factor making it minus forty-eight.The first day of the New Year and of course the coldest one.My brown eyes squinted to see better against the wind and snow. Just around the corner, I thought to myself.About a hundred and fifty feet.I shut the van door pushed the key fob to lock it and started walking towards the old brown stone building.Where the majority of my clients stayed.Our government called it a independent living program, but really it was another place to put the less handicap people because the hospital was to full. Alot of my clients could do a few things for themselves.They still require round the clock care.Keeping me working and pay isn't bad.

Another gust of wind hard enough to blow me over onto the snow covered sidewalks.I landed on all fours.Thank God my briefcase did not fly open.Just then I remember I had made some New years treats for them at the main house.So I made my way back to the dodge caravan to retrieve the treats.My return to the van would make me officially late again.As one worker comes in to the home the other is finished their shift. You can only hope your co-worker is in a good mood or that they had a good shift with the clients. That to would also depend on the person whom you are releiving. I was fairly new to this kind of work.To me some of the other workers that had been caregivers for this house for a long time really did not care for these people it was just a job. "Do the job and go home"was what my supervisior would say to me.Today she would have more to say becuse I am late again. Crap I thought to myself as I pengin shuffled down the sidewalk to the steps of the brownstone with my treats in a plain paper bag.It was agaist policy to bring outside treats to the clients. I knew I could get in to trouble but, heck it was New Years day. A little chocolate donuts might brighten up Nancy's day.

Nancy LaMont. A beautiful young woman. Her raven black hair smokey blue eyes, thin pink face just simply beautiful.She was one of our nonverbal clients. According to her charts she is turning thriry-three this year in the summer. I smiled and tought to myself, my son will be thrirty-three as well.I drew another deep breath and tapped on the front door of the brown stone house.The safty light came on and my supervisior was standing in the mud room fully dressed in her winter gear .I am sure she wasn't happy about me being late. She was very ready to leave. Her voice was low and gruff as she began to give me the verbal report of all the clients thru her scarf.Trying not to make eye contact with me,so I could see her disappointment. I said"Lots of snow out there ,wind gust too. The sidewalks are very slippery I wiped out a good one." with a chuckle.All I got back was a snear."How was Nancy?" I asked'".The same" she said. I passed her the keys to the workvan. "Marg will be here at 8am to take over.Jamie and Gus are playing cards. Captian Robert is watching t.v. They have had all their medication. All you need to do is get them all to bed, At a reasonable time of course." I nodded and answered " yes of course. No problem.No worries."I smiled,"drive safe the van is still warm."The supervisior handed me the keys for the medication cabinet and all the doors of the brown stone."Oh Karen..one more thing." Yes I replied."make sure you do your reports,they are very important to the families and such. Have a good night." "sure" I said. The supervisior opened the main door,the light came on and she headed towards the van. I quickily closed the door. Let out a sigh and removed all my winter gear. Slid into my house shoes then made my way to the common room.I began with Jamie. She is a down sysdrom person Twenty-six and full of questions.She has no trouble telling me everything that goes on in the house.I mean everything including who was in the bathroom last and how long.Jamie what a cutie. With her short brown hair and big brown eyes,child like happiness.The first thing she asked me was"What's in the bag Karen?"I don't know Jamie what do you think is in the bag?" She replied."A frog that turns into a prince."she begins to giggle .I smiled.. "No but your close."I reached into the bag ,"Jamie close your eyes and hold out your hand." She did. I placed the chocolate donut in her hand.She squealed"A donut, My favorite!""Jamie you say that about everything.""no" she replied."LOOK Gus achocolate donut.""Do you have one for Gus?"He's been real good today.""Yes Jamie I do." Here you go Gus,a chocolate donut for you."Gus eagerly grab the donut placed it on the table.Then he rubbed his hands together rocking himself back and forth in excitement.

Gus client number three in the MainStreet house. HighAutisum.He could communicate verbally about most things.He can get overwhelmed quickly and had violent tendencies.He is thrirty-eight with blond hair and brown eyes. His face has a square shape to it and could use a shave. I check my charts for list of duties and his shaving made the list. Why the supervisior didn't do it is beyond me. Maybe it's because i have no problem getting him to do it. We'll get that done before bedtime.

I walk over to the large recliner and see client number four. Captain Robert.He was in the Army during the war in Afghanistan back in ninty's.He sustained an ingury to his head.Now is burden with P.T.S.S.he always has a far away look in his eyes. He a handsome man. He was married with two daughters. They come by to visit on sundays a couple times per month. It's sad really. He rarely says a word to any one.When he does speak it very shakey and broke as if he can hear it inside but outside of his mouth it is broken words. I place my chubby hand on his shoulder to get his attention."Good Evening Captian. I have a nice chocolate donut for you.Would you like some tea to go with it. I can make you one." He responds with a nod. "Do you want me to bring it to you ?" I asked.Once again a nod. "You know Captian,we are suppose to use our words."He nods.Then he begins to form his mouth to say something and a tear rolls down his cheeck. I cut him off and say"It's okay. Your welcome I'll get your tea sir. It's okay my friend.I understand. You relax. I'll be back in a bit. Enjoy your donut." I lean over and place it on the coffee table.He smiles then turns back to the t.v.

I start down the hallway towards the kitchen.Just a few steps away. I can still hear Jamie talking to Gus and the captian. I have to admit whoever remodled this old brown stone did a wonderful job of making sure it was open space consept. Beautiful, soft grey flooring.Wall paint to match.Good lighting everywhere.The bathrooms are huge. One for the girls,one for the men. A smaller one for staff. All the bedrooms upstairs. Even a staff rest area.Equiped with phone and t.v.I plug in the tea kettle take out five cups for tea.I thought I would go see if I could get Nancy to come down for tea.We all have to try to get her out of room.I have been working with her now for three month,not once have I be able to get her to come down and join us. She will use the washroom but that's as far as she will go. The supervisior allows her to eat in her room because the last placement truely almost starved her to death. Trying to get her to mix with other people.They were very harsh with her.It is amazing to me she survived. Her sister is the last of her family and she doesn't come to visit often. The only reason she was resued out of that other place was done by the neighbors complaining to the authorities. Fluke.Nancy.

If you would talk, if you could talk, If only I could help you out of your prison cell in your mind.I could not imagion what it is like to stay in one room day after day,year after year.Afraid, alone.Or is it really like that.

I finished making the tea.Placed them on a tray.Took them out to Jamie,Gus,and the captian.Gave them each one.Then headed up to have tea with Nancy.

I approached the door of her room,it was open as if to say I was waiting for you."Nancy, Hi it's me Karen.Is it okay if I come in?"

She smiled a welcoming smile.Then I entered. I placed the tea and choclate donut on the little dining set by the big window in her room.

"Nancy are you feeling well today?" No responce."Thank God I am a chatter box eh?Well I was wondering if you wanted me to do anything for you?"Still no responce."okay.Do you mind if I stay awhile,maybe sit with you or read something to you?" She started to walk over to her bookcase,pick up a bible,then handed to me. "You want me to read the bible to you?"Nancy sat down at the dining set with me. I opened it. On the cover was a message hand written.

To: Nancy LaMont,

May all your words be in line with the word of God.

Love: Mom.

At that moment I knew why Nancy didn't speak.I understood why she choose to spend her time in her room. She was only doing as she was taught by her mother. Abuse can cripple the best of us. Scar us beyond repair. We can always find refuge in the arms of the Lord. So for Nancy It was better to stay in her room day after day, Year after year. She could only find comfort in her room in her mind. She was damaged beyond human repair.The offer of comfort only came to her by words of the bible.Her refuge was in the arms of The Lord. There she remain safe.There she is forever waiting on Him to bring her home.