Loving You

"Mrs Masha,Mrs Masha, why do you always do this to the kid?.Have you no respect for this place. Let the boy go outside,he has already caused us too much trouble for the day. Look over there everyone is starting to leave." the librarian said.

"I told you yesterday not to bring him back again, but here you are", she added. Looking disapprovingly at Peter,she narrowed her eyes.

" A little spoilt aren't yaa" Mama's boy, disturbing our peace this early in the morning. You are lucky I am not your mother," she mused.

I dragged Peter away as the librarian was now starting to make a scene. What had started as Peter winning about wanting to borrow the same book he had always borrowed had now turned into a somewhat sermon. The people in the library were no longer leaving but had turned their attention to us. It was as if we were starring in some television show. Everyone waiting for something more scandalous to happen.

Not wanting any more drama,and deciding to head home. I dragged Peter to the exit and was signing out the books I had selected. Peter forcefully pulled his hand away and ran back the to the section of the library we had left, screaming.

"You are not my mom,You are not my mom. I hate you. I don't love you," Peter screamed as he ran.

"Peter come back here,"I said trying to sound a bit firm.

My voice however was the opposite of firm,that I knew very well.

Jonathan had never failed to tease me about my voice. In the early days of dating he would say that it was what he liked most about me. Whenever I screamed and shouted at him,he would look at me directly in the eyes and try really hard not to laugh.

When I had calmed down he would pull me close and kiss me softly. He would apologise for laughing and tell me my voice was too cute for shouting at anyone.

Somehow we would then resolve our issues,and he would joke about having a baby girl who looked exactly like me.

" You killed my father,"Peter screamed on.

Tears started rolling down my eyes as memories of Jonathan flooded my mind.

I could almost smell the roses as I walked inside the garden. It was a fairytale themed wedding and everything about it felt surreal. The dress I wore looked like it had little flower petals ,hand sewn together and it made me feel like a fairytale itself.

The sun shone in ways that made everything feel sweet,from the little cupcakes put alongside dragonflies. I spotted little girls dressed like fairies walking about the garden spreading glitter or throwing flower petals in the air.

Jonathan was beaming, he walked halfway from where he was standing and took my hand. Everyone had a little laugh about it.

We lived together for a year and I told Jonathan that I did not want to have children of my own. He was very supportive but his family not so much.

They said that I was a witch. When I was not at home they came with a pastor and sprinkled holy water. Jonathan simply did nothing. He let his family do whatever they felt was right. After a while,it all stopped. They stopped calling me a witch and bringing pastors to my house behind my back.

Even Jonathan changed,he was more loving,more involved. One evening, I got home and the house was in total darkness. He prepared a good meal and we ate it in candlelight. He took me outside and he lite a fire. That is when he convinced me that we needed to adopt a child.

The following month we adopted Peter,it took us lesser time than we thought.

Peter did not take very well to me. However Jonathan seemed not to have any trouble with the boy.

I used to lie awake many nights wondering if I had done the right thing. In my heart there was no doubt that I loved Peter but there was always something missing. There was always a little gap between us. I am sure Peter felt it too.

I could not fully accept him into my life. I isolated myself a little and let Jonathan do most of taking care of the child. However with time he grew on me.

With time as well i started being afraid, my deepest fear was that one day he was going to grow up and leave. Loving him was a great joy. I watched him dress up for school,and when he came back home. He would focus intensely on his books as he scribbled something. His brow was always knit in a knot. At night I would peak inside his room as he slept peacefully.

In the library now, I could not do anything much as he broke down in sobs. Screaming and kicking. I wanted to tell him that it was going to be alright but Jonathan had left us without any warning. I myself was not sure if I would not leave him just as his parents had in a car accident.

I was in the library trying to look up Peter's family tree. It was important that I knew that if I too was to die,there was someone who would take care of my little boy. My family believed in ancestors,and wanted nothing to do with Peter. It had something to do with if Peter died,he spirit would haunt our family and bring them bad luck.

Peter was just a little boy who needed love and the orphanage was not a place for someone like him. He was too small and fragile and needed a mother's love.

As much as I was afraid of not being a good mother I knew I had to try. With Jonathan gone I knew it was not going to be easy and it felt as if it was me against the world. Peter also being against me but if we are not called to love what other call is worthwhile in life.