The Blue Sea where we found Love

Hate is love’s favorite cousin. We all know that the greatest love stories were from encounters that didn't go so well at first. Underneath the thin film of hate is a love that always burns fiercely if one is patient enough to scratch it. All things considered, Marianne couldn’t say she hated Eric. The accurate word would be disliked. The man had a terrible gift of always catching her in a mood of all sorts. On the good days when flowers bloomed, barring their pink petals to the receive kisses from the sun, he would leave her alone in the cottage while he explored the island. Then on the blue days, he would sit by the fire poised to receive the brunt of her anger whenever she managed to express it and teasing her endlessly. If she didn’t know him any better, she would think he actually enjoyed it. Or maybe he does she thought to herself remembering the odd expression on his face the day she had shouted at him for leaving his clothes scattered on the floor. It had been the last straw. Accepting the fact that she had to share her dream holiday with a total stranger didn’t include picking up after him whenever he got drunk. Her mother would roll over in her grave if she knew that her daughter was sharing a house with a man. Even a night would have been too long for her. It wouldn’t matter that they had different rooms.  Once is enough to get pregnant she would always say wiggling her second finger for emphasis. That first night Marianne had slept her stomach in knots, afraid for herself. A serial killer or potential rapist could be sleeping in the room across hers. After three nights, she had come to the conclusion that Eric was many things but dangerous was not one of them. The constant teasing made it easier to feign oblivion to his other manly qualities. Only his smile had stood out from the first day they met but his downright silliness in an attempt to make their living arrangement bearable only worsened things.

For someone that she didn’t particularly like, she thought of him too many times, if not all the time. She looked at the expanse of white sand before her and frowned when she caught sight of him. If she hadn’t been so irritated, she would have marveled at how handsome he looked in blue shorts or the way his biceps glistened in the sun when he moved. Picking up her sandals from the ground, she stood up ready to escape into the trees before he caught sight of her. Her desperate attempt to hide proved to be futile as he shouted her name and started running towards her. She wondered what she disliked about him the most. His teasing or the way he was so bent on invading her privacy whenever he could. She didn’t manage to finish the trail of her thoughts before he caught up with her. With a forced smile, she turned back to face him hoping to dismiss him as soon as possible.

“Mr Shona…”

“You can call me Eric. We live together after all.” he interrupted her and smiled widely.

Marianne blinked twice. She didn’t know whether he was pretending not to see how desperate she was to be anywhere on planet but there with him or he simply didn’t care. The fake smile was starting to make her face muscles ache.

“Not by choice.” she muttered under her breath.

“Did you say something Marianne?” he asked and she turned red with shame. It was true that she hadn’t planned on spending the holiday like this but not all thoughts have to be given a voice. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that he probably was as disappointed as she had been. Knowing she had taken a moment longer than appropriate to respond, she lifted her eyes and they locked with his. She read emotions in his eyes that she didn’t wish to name and when he opened his mouth, she held her breath. Maybe she has been overreacting. How could she explain to him that she wasn’t horrid or prudish as she had presented herself? She had traveled a million miles to enjoy solitude in paradise, thrilled about getting a good deal only for the resort manager to announce upon arrival that the holiday package she had won was actually meant for two so she had to share it with Eric including the cottage she was to occupy. The skimpy clothes she had hoped to wear to embrace her decision to re-identify herself as woman not just Marcus’ widow had been dumped in her suitcase and the more she grumbled, the less desire she felt to do anything. Eric leaned in and grabbed her hand from her side. Holding it firmly in-between his two hands, he said with a tone she didn’t know he was capable of using.

“Look Marianne, I can’t say this is how I imagined I would spend my time on this island but this is what we got. You can choose to ruin your holiday or you can enjoy it with me. And when you leave this place, you’ll always remember the stranger you lived with.”

His eyes boring into hers seemed to say I understand what you’re going through, let me help you but he released her hands and started to walk away. Strangely, the sight of him leaving didn’t give her the peace that she had been hoping for a few minutes earlier. The hand he had been holding suddenly felt…she couldn’t find the word for it. Almost as if it craved to be cradled within his once more. Marianne shrugged as if to shake off the thoughts and ran into the blue sea. She gasped at how cold it was and laughed at herself for expecting it to be any different. For a while, she actually allowed herself to relax. With the water enveloping her, she closed her eyes and emptied her mind of all thoughts.

***

Eric stood a few yards from her transfixed. He had never seen her smile before. The open expression of peace and pure joy on her face could have stopped any heart. A part of him felt jealous. She was experiencing a moment he had sought after his whole life and finding none. He had looked for it everywhere. Money and women hadn’t quenched his thirst so he had turned to traveling instead thinking that maybe his soul could somehow absorb the beauty he surrounded himself with but it hadn’t. He had vowed that this trip would be the last one. Whatever it is that he needed to feel complete, it probably didn’t exist in this world. It was a cold slap from fate that he had accepted but watching Marianne stirred in him alien feelings. He was still standing there watching her when she emerged from the sea. The sun that had hidden behind a thin grey cloud appeared shyly and in its soft glow, Marianne’s beauty was barred for the whole island to see. Eric found himself wishing he was the greedy wind that was boldly caressing her, stealing the water droplets from her skin.

It wasn’t her beauty that captivated him. He had met even prettier women but Marianne had substance. That was rare. A small smile appeared on his face when he remembered the day she had woken him up before dawn. With her tiny hands on her waist, nostrils flared and eyes full of annoyance mixed with fury that was threatening to bubble over, she was quite a sight to see. Leaving his shoes and pants scattered on the floor had been a step too far but he was glad he had. She was even prettier when she was annoyed. It was better than when she acted indifferent and tried to ignore him out of existence. He knew that not all women would take a liking to him but his confidence that he could win Marianne over was wearing thin. Not only was she not attracted to him, the ring on her finger was discouraging. Which man can compete with the ghost of a husband and win? With a dejected spirit, Marcus resumed his walk to their little cottage. Of all the women in the world that he could have fallen in love with, his heart chose a widow who seemed sworn to stay married to a ghost.

***

He was sitting in front of the fire when she walked in. She headed straight to her room and then came out a few minutes later. He was about to pour himself a second glass of brandy when she appeared in front of him. Wringing her hands, the way she always did when she was nervous, he watched her silently waiting to hear what was on her mind.

“I thought about it and I realize that you may be right…” she began

“May be right?” he teased and she smiled.

“Okay, you’re right. I came here because I want a second chance to live again but I’ve been doing a terrible job and I want to fix that. Show me how to live again Eric. Make this a vacation I’ll always remember.”

Eric almost leapt with joy but smiled instead. A chink in the armor…it was the beginning of something that would be retold as a legend but would wreck his heart if things went south. Marianne watched the broad smile on Eric’s face and sighed with relief. Making amends had never been a strength and somewhere within her mini-speech had been an apology veiled by a multitude of words. He did a mini dance before taking a huge sip of his brandy.

“Yes, let’s go party!”

He grabbed her hand when she started protesting and halted to a stop near the door when he caught sight of her dress. She watched him as he chewed on his lip, clearly debating whether it was the right time to tell her to take off her long and dark mourning clothes or not. Marianne burst out laughing.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you Eric, I need to change.”

“Are you sure?” he asked in concern but with a tinge of relief because she hadn’t waited for him to say it.

“Yes, I am sure. Stop looking at me with such concerned eyes, I know what I am doing. Now, you wait here.” she said and sauntered off.

When she appeared in the red dress that was one cut away from being skimpy but managed to look both sexy and elegant, he felt proud. She was still as pretty as he had always seen. Taking her hand, he escorted her to the grounds where the party was being held. It was a memorable night. Watching Marianne dancing, laughing and actively interacting with people felt better than he had ever imagined. Caught up in her excitement, he found himself dancing amidst flames with a pair of exotic dancers. Giddy from the alcohol and thoroughly immersed in the moment, she had sung loudly all the way home and dumped herself in his bed. If he didn’t hold her in high regard, Eric wouldn’t have let the night waste away. Marianne was special and he would not treat her as a random woman that he could hook up with for just a night. One night simply wasn’t enough. He had watched her until he drifted off to sleep.

***

Marianne was the first one to wake up. A week ago, she would have cringed at the idea of waking up next to Eric but not today. He was no longer the stranger Eric, he was the man who had revived her. With the dislike erased, her mind opened and she found herself enthralled by him. She gently brushed his long and dark eyelashes with her fingertips. Attraction is a very funny thing. It conceals itself under a mass of excuses before erupting like a volcano. Suddenly, she was aware of everything she hadn’t given a second thought to before. His broad shoulders and almost perfect body concealed by the T-shirt he had won to bed. The way his chest rose and fell with each breath. He mumbled something in his lips drawing her eyes to his luscious strawberry lips and she swallowed. A fire had been ignited and there was no avoiding the path fate had put before her. As if on cue, Eric’s eyes flickered open and met hers. She claimed his mouth before he could say anything to ruin the moment. He put a hand on her neck drawing her closer for a deeper kiss and in the wake of their intense love making, Eric knew he was never going to let her go. She just didn’t know it yet.

***

Eric opened his eyes and watched sunlight streaming into the room. Another sunrise with Marianne by his bedside. It was a life he could get used to. He pushed a stray hair away from her face and whispered to her the words that he never dared to say when she was fully conscious. She wanted a memorable holiday. He wanted a lifetime. With only a day left before their imminent return to their respective homes, it was becoming harder not to confess his love. Not that he didn’t communicate it in other ways. The way he always made sure she had everything he needed and protected her fiercely without second thought. How could she not know it? His lingering gazes, interest in understanding the weaving of her mind and the way he gave all of himself to her night after night. The deeper he fell in love with her, the more hopeless he felt seeing the gold band on the finger where he wanted his ring to be. Immersed in his thoughts, he failed to see Marianne looking at him and he stood up to go into the bathroom. By the time he walked out, her bedside was happy.

***

Partly aware of Eric’s inner battle, Marianne stood at the shore and looked back at the sea with a haunted look battling her own demons. She didn’t know what she was afraid of more. Her own feelings or hurting Eric. I love you Marianne. The words had been said so softly to ensure that she wouldn’t hear them and she wouldn’t have if she had been asleep. In the silence of the morning, a war between the past and the present ensues. Marcus and Eric. Two men. Two different times. Torn between loyalty to a past love and the fear of an unknown future, Marianne found herself at a crossroads. Her toes dug into the white sand as memories that she had buried in the blind spot in her brain emerged. A face that should have been forgotten flashed before her eyes and his scent assailed her nose before the soft tread of his footstep reached her ears. Marcus. With her arms wrapped around herself in apprehension, she waited for him to come closer and stubbornly stared at the sea despite the urge to turn around. When his hands finally touched her shoulders, she reached up to grasp his fingertips but he pulled away forcing her to turn to face him. Marianne looked deep into the deep brown eyes that she had missed so much. Enamored, she caressed his face. Slowly at first, as if to test if he is real then with lightning speed, seemingly imprinting everything about him to memory…before saying goodbye.

 Marcus will always be a part of her. In a time that she will never live again, a world with him that molded her into the woman Eric had grown to love, their love story wasn’t tragic. Loving Eric did not mean forgetting Marcus. It was embracing life once more. Isn’t the heart strange in all its ways? Inside its many chambers, it holds special places for certain people and when we think we cannot possibly love this much again, it expands and takes us beyond our greatest imagination. Without disclosing anything, it defies reason and enriches our life with priceless experience that shapes the course of our lives. It had taken 5 years after Marcus’ death and traveling a million miles to find love once again. In this world where finding real love was almost like a miracle, she had found it. Twice. She wasn’t going to let it slip through her fingers. Overwhelmed, she turned away and the wind snatched the words that Marcus whispered before she could hear them. For a while, she strained her ears but heard nothing except the hollow cries of the wind calling out to the gathering storm. The smell of carnations gradually faded and that is how she knew that Marcus was gone...for good. When she arrived, Eric had laid out breakfast for her on the kitchen table. And when she lifted the coffee mug to her lips, Eric noticed the ring was missing. He looked at her with a question in his eyes. I love you too she mouthed and sipped her coffee once more whilst Eric beamed from across the table. So what if the future is unknown? Marianne knew she wanted to love as much as she could in each and every day. No promises…no waiting…no regrets…without leaving anything for tomorrow because it might never come.