Being Free

Trigger warning: Suicide attempt

Ivan sat on the side of his bed, wondering where it all went wrong. He looked up, looking at his nightstand. A picture of his girlfriend Luma smiling would normally warm his heart, but recently it had felt like nothing. Ivan and Luma had been together for four years, but the last month had ruined their relationship. Nothing had gone as expected, and nothing would to Ivan.

Luma stared at the ceiling, tears rolling down her face. Although she still loved Ivan, he seemed incredibly different. Normally, Ivan was a happy man, cheerful and bright, but over the last month, it seemed as if Ivan’s mental health was declining. He kept going to bars and constantly talking about hurting himself. When Luma tried to help Ivan, he only seemed to get angry and sad. What had happened to the man she loved?

Ivan stood up and took out a sheet of paper. Today would be the last day he would have to deal with this nagging pain. His mother had died two months ago, but only now was Ivan dealing with the pain. His father kept blaming him for his mother’s death, but she had died due to an accident. Over phone calls, personal meetings, and letters, Ivan’s father kept reminding Ivan that he was worthless. Ivan knew his father needed a reason to determine why his mother had died, but Ivan never thought the reason would be himself. Fed up, Ivan scribbled down a note to his girlfriend and donned on a jacket before leaving the house.

Luma felt a shiver down her spine, something wasn’t right. Ivan was supposed to be happy, but there was something wrong that Luma didn’t know about. She was determined to find out what was wrong with Ivan and help him out as best as she could, so she grabbed the metal key next to her bed and ran out to her car, heading over to Ivan’s house. Maybe by nagging him enough, Ivan would tell Luma what was wrong. Luma was genuinely worried for him and wanted to help. As she drove past a bridge, she felt like she had seen a familiar face, but she shrugged it off and continued her way to Ivan’s house.

Ivan walked faster, trying to reach the bridge in time before midnight. The night was cold, and Ivan wished he brought a scarf at least. He walked past several shops and held his hands together as the snow and wind started picking up. It was going to be a cold night, but it would definitely be his last. By doing this, Ivan would be free from his father’s rampage. Perhaps the old man would even start to blame it on himself. Ivan couldn’t help but chuckle, but his face turned deadly serious as he saw the first part of the bridge. Ivan slowed down a bit, but continued walking.

Luma opened the door, but to her surprise, no one was home. Luma flicked open the lights and walked around the house, looking for any sign of her beloved boyfriend. She walked into the kitchen, where the stove was still on low heat, simmering something. Ivan wasn’t here. Luma walked upstairs to his room, but Ivan wasn’t there either. Just as Luma was about to head out again, she saw a small sheet of paper on Ivan’s bed. The sheets were neatly folded, and everything was organized, which Luma rarely ever saw when it came to Ivan. Luma picked up the note and read it. At first, she was relieved that Ivan had bothered to explain to her what was going on, but as she read the last line, her heart froze. Hopefully, the police will see my dead body in the river by tomorrow morning. Just like that, Luma bolted out of the door and started her car back to the bridge where she had seen that familiar face. She knew who it was. Ivan.

Ivan slowly climbed on top of the bridge’s rails, watching the furious river torrenting down below. His feet were barely able to get a grip on the rails, but he stood still, and it seemed as if time slowed down. Ivan stretched out his arms, and just as he was about to jump, he heard a car honk. He briefly looked to his right and saw none other than his girlfriend.

Luma.

Ivan.

Ivan jumped, but Luma ran and grabbed his shirt’s collar just in time. Ivan struggled to get Luma’s hands off, but she grabbed on even tighter with her other hand and pulled him up. Ivan crumpled on the bridge’s rails and started crying. Luma took off her jacket and put it over Ivan without saying a word. Finally, for the first time in weeks, Ivan spoke.

             “W-why Luma?” Ivan croaked.

             “Hush, Ivan. Everything’s alright now, I’m here. Just tell me what’s happening, and I’ll help you with it,” Luma spoke to Ivan softly.

Ivan cried some more, and despite the bitter cold biting against Luma, she remained crouching next to Ivan, waiting for a response.

             “I’m so sorry. M-m-my mother d-d-died, and father kept blaming me for it,” Ivan cried.

             “It’s alright Ivan. You’re not at fault, are you now?” Luma asked.

             “No, m-mom died because of a crash, not me!” Ivan protested.

             “That’s what I thought. Here, Ivan, let’s get back to my home, alright?” Luma offered.

             “But I can’t after what happened!” Ivan replied.

             Luma chuckled. “Ivan, it’s not about what you did, it’s about you. I’m concerned for you. Let’s get this over with, Ivan. I love you forever, so you can trust me.”

Ivan cried but managed to stand up, and Luma led him into the car. As she drove down the road to her house, Luma felt more determined than ever, and Ivan finally confessed what had happened during the last month. The next morning, Luma drove to Ivan’s father’s house and talked to him about what Ivan had done the night before, and Ivan’s father agreed to stop blaming Ivan.

             “I’m sorry, Luma. I should’ve realized what was happening to Ivan, my own son. I’m an incompetent father, blaming my son for something he didn’t do,” Ivan’s father apologized.

             “Don’t worry about it. If anything, Ivan was at fault for not trusting me and telling me. Hopefully, we’ll be able to reconnect after such a rough period,” Luma replied.

             “Thank you, please do take care of Ivan well,” Ivan’s father requested.

             “Will do,” Luma answered.

For the next ten years, Luma and Ivan loved each other deeply and reconnected. Although the event had been traumatizing for Ivan, they would never forget that day. Luma would keep an eye out for Ivan, and in return, Ivan would trust Luma with everything he had. Eventually, the couple married and Ivan became free of his burdens, loving Luma for the rest of his life.