Steps

One step, with another step. And with another step, and again. I count each step as an achievement, one more step closer to my goal.

I promised myself that today would be the day. The day I have dreamed of, and dreaded, for many years of my life. I chose the first day of spring because it’s the first day in the year the amount of sunlight during the daytime increases. It’s perfect.

I move from the asphalt on the crosswalk towards the cement on the sidewalk. Another step, I tell myself. My body soon moves from sidewalk to grass, entering into a park I haven’t been to in years.

The sky couldn’t be more beautiful, and the air couldn’t be more crisp and fresh. To my surprise, I notice major changes in the park: the large birch tree in the center is gone, the shrubs against the sides of the gate are cut, and the bees have doubled in numbers since I was here, back in 1939. Little did I know, it was only months until World War II, and we would be thrown into a period of dismay. But, luckily, I spot the blue bench I once sat on.

I concentrated again. One step, then another. I did this again, and again, to reach my beloved blue bench. As I reached it, I held onto it, I breathed in relief, and then I sat. I focus on the area surrounding me, waiting and listening, looking out into the distance.

Now, there she is. The tired sun is gleaming down on her brown hair, as she enters from the pavement, then into the park. She moves her arms near her torso, as if she’s having a conversation with herself in her head. Her eyes shimmer like blue stars in the sky, just how I remember. She’s one of those people you swear you’ve remembered being described in a book, or you’ve watched in the background of a movie, but you can’t quite recognize where she’s from. 

I’m lucky enough to have her in a memory, from seven years ago-

“John please,” she laughs, “please, dance with me!” 

Sitting on the blue bench, I looked up at the woman I knew I was going to marry. Her bright blue eyes beckoned me to take her hand. She was wearing a white dress, the hemline reaching her ankles. I assume she got it out of the catalog. She looked magnificent in it, and it reminds me of youth. We were eighteen, and although I’m not much older than that now, I have seen more than the man in my memories.

I set my mug on the ground, and as it slightly tipped over, Julie squealed. She quickly got down and set it upright as I stood up. I took her hand and we slowly walked into the clearing, nearing that birch tree. 

“John,” She whispers, as we dance in the silence of a bold night.

“Yes?” I ask.

“I love you. I’ll always love you.”

My heart fluttered when I heard her voice utter those sacred words. I thought I reached the peak of happy experiences one could have in a night, but then I see Julie reach into her purse. She elegantly pulls out a shining ring, she didn’t rummage through her bag. It is as if she had planned that exact movement for hours. 

“Please, take this. It’s a promise. For whenever we may see each other again.”-

That was the first night we said I love you. To anyone else, that night was just another night, waiting for the next day to exist. But to us, to me, I never wanted the next day to come. I wanted to stay in that moment forever, holding on to the feeling of love, youth, and innocence. 

But, Julie, she is now a few feet away from me. She is a memory from so long ago that I swore I could've touched, in the depths of the trenches. I swore I could’ve felt her presence there with me in the long, cold nights, as I clasped the ring in my hand-

But now she is here. In front of me.

Yet, suddenly, I am faced again with a thought of dread. I lowered my head to look down at what was now a wooden replacement of what was once my leg. My posture was broken, my steps were slow, and walking was a newfound achievement for me.

I’m afraid.

I’m afraid of her thoughts. Afraid of her words. Even more afraid of her facial expression when she finally sees.

Her glistening, blue eyes met mine. I took my hat off and lowered it down to my chest, and I stood up. All I can think is that she looks beautiful in her new, green gown. She probably got it from the catalog. I can’t help but giggle with the presence of a thought like that, but I quickly replace my chuckle with a smile.

“John!” She paces up to me, I notice she struggles not to trip. She wraps her arms around me like a sloth to a tree. My heart flutters once again.

“You’re here! Finally, after so long, you’re here!” She laughs boisterously, a laugh I had almost forgotten. She is the warmth I have longed for, for many years. She was my provision, my health, and my courage since that day in 1939. I hope she feels the same. 

Julie let go of me surprisingly, and I try to save myself from losing my balance, but instead I fall. She crouches down, and I think that’s when she finally took notice to my leg. Her eyes start at my leg, I can see the curve of her eyebrows in her expression, then they travel to my face. I, red with embarrassment, can only look down.

“John. It’s okay. Really, it’s okay.” 

As she hugs me for the second time, I feel comfort in words I thought she would never say. Finally, I am at ease, after years of worrying and doubts.

Now, for my next goal- 

To get back on my feet.