My Darling Marilyn

*drug abuse / bondage and sadomasochism / dark sexual humor*

Gabe put his house keys on the table by the door and hung up his jacket. His wife, Hazel, appeared at the other end of the hall and said:

"So? Honey? Don't keep me in suspense!"

"They loved it," said Gabe, walking towards her.

"They did!" She went to put her arms around him, but he caught her wrists and lowered them. Then he said:

"But there's an issue."

"What issue?"

He sidestepped her and went to the kitchenette. She tightened her purple silk night gown and followed him. He poured himself a large measure of Drambuie.

"What happened?"

"They want me to kill her," he said.

"What?"

"Marilyn."

He tipped half the liquid down his throat and grimaced. "They said the ending needs to be more of a 'gut-punch to the audience' —whatever the hell that means—so Marilyn has to die, and I have to kill her."

Hazel sat at the breakfast bar and clasped her hands together. "Is it a deal breaker?"

"It is—unless I can think of something they'd prefer, which is about as likely as them casting Buster Keaton in the role... Have you got the..."—he snapped his fingers —"the thing?"

Hazel took a baggie of cocaine out of her night gown pocket and placed it on the bar. Gabe slid a credit card from his wallet and started cutting thick lines of powder.

The couple had met at a NASCAR race back in 1991 in Florida, Hazel's hometown. Gabe had come from L.A. to research his first commissioned screenplay, a project he referred to these days as Mondays of Thunder, on account of it ending up - after countless interferences from the producers - a boring rip-off of the Tom Cruise movie. It never saw a clapperboard, and Thank God For That—Gabe often said.

Four years ago he had a minor breakthrough and co-wrote a couple of seasons of a fairly popular sitcom, but since then the opportunities had come few and far between. They weren't broke. Their eleventh-floor apartment was a little old and beige, but respectable, reasonably spacious, with its outstanding feature being the balcony view of Silver Lake. But, of course, they aspired for more. Plenty more. And his new screenplay was supposed to be their ticket to the big time. Gabe had poured his soul into its every page, especially into his protagonist, Marilyn.

"What was the offer?" asked Hazel.

Gabe snorted a line and chased it with a mouthful of whiskey. "One point two million." He passed the straw to Hazel.

Hazel leaned over the bar and sniffed a line. "That's half a million more than we were expecting. That sure puts us on some guest lists, Gabe."

"That's not all. The big cheese, she wants Cate Blanchett for Marylin. I didn't even mention Cate Blanchett... Jesus, what did I say to you four months ago? What did I say? It was right here in the kitchen, I was halfway through act two, do you remember? I said to you, Marylin is starting to look a lot like Cate Blanchett. A lot like her. And the suits saw the exact same thing - without any mention from me, I swear. Isn't that just uncanny? Doesn't that seem... portentous to you?"

"It's incredible, honey."

"It's even better than we hoped."

Gabe's eyes widened and stared right through his wife, his smile twisted into a look of disgust. "But I have to kill her, don't I? My darling Marylin."

He wolfed another line, then took his glass into the front room and began to march up and down.

"I don't know, Hazel. I don't know if I can do it!"

Hazel came in and sat in one of the purple leather armchairs. "What if we gave her a nice send off? Tonight, right here."

"A send off?"

"Yes. Give her up to the ether from whence she came."

"You mean like a funeral?"

"More like a homage."

Gabe stopped marching and looked at her.

"A Homage. You know, I think she would like that."

"Mmm hmm."

"But how?" said Gabe, scrubbing his ginger goatee with his knuckles. "What could be good enough? Cinematic enough? for Marylin! We don't have the time!"

Hazel stood up and held his hands. "Honey, you're overthinking. You know you get writer's block when you overthink. Perhaps it's time we..."

"Time we what?"

"Perhaps it's time we brought out our guest star?"

"Who?... You don't mean... You aren't talking about... Doctor Suitcase?"

Hazel smiled sweetly and shrugged. "You have to admit, he's helped you out of some artistic conundrums before, hasn't he?" She pressed her body into his and began kissing him sensually on the neck.

Gabe swallowed the last of his Drambuie and dropped the glass on the carpet. He exhaled deeply and said:

"It's been a while."

"Mmm hmm."

"Marilyn won't find out?"

"Nooo, no," Hazel assured him, running her scarlet fingernails down his back.

"It's for her benefit, isn't it," said Gabe.

"An emergency appointment."

Gabe released a long, guttural groan.

"To set her free," whispered Hazel in his ear.

CUT TO:

INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT

Gabe and Hazel pull DOCTOR SUITCASE from under the bed, lay him on the mattress. Hazel unzips him.

Inside are: LEATHER SHORTS, WIGS, (movie character) MASKS including a CHEWBACCA MASK with the chin and mouth cut out, an array of SEX TOYS including a BALL GAG, BONDAGE CUFFS, and a RIDING CROP.

Additionally: three ROLLS OF CELLOPHANE, a (half full) BOTTLE OF ABSINTHE, various bottles/baggies of UPPERS/DOWNERS, LARGE ZIP-LOCKS OF HEROIN/MAGIC MUSHROOMS, a SHEET OF LSD (depicting Bambi) and a JAMJAR OF POWDERED MESCALINE.

Gabe and Hazel look at each other, then nod in unison.

Hazel slips off her night gown, revealing her slim, pale, naked body. She gets on the mattress next to Doctor Suitcase and assumes the lotus position.

HAZEL

(eyes closed)

Ommmmm. Ommmmm... Ah-Om-Ommmmm.

Gabe strips naked, then dons the LEATHER SHORTS and the CHEWBACCA MASK. He is pale and hairy, his belly droops like a water balloon over the shiny black shorts.

HAZEL

(Cont'd)

Ommmmm. Ommmmm.

Gabe paces impatiently around the bed as Hazel continues her mantra.

GABE

We don't have much time, Hazel... Hazel!

Hazel's eyes burst open like twin parachutes.

HAZEL

(with increasing speed and intensity)

Om Namah Shivaya! Om Namah Shivaya! Om Namah Shivaya! Om Namah Shivaya-Om Namah Shivaya-Om Namah Shivaya!

Gabe flicks her on the forehead.

Hazel Gasps, stares at him.

GABE

The prescription?

Hazel slowly points to the BALL GAG - Gabe takes it from Doctor Suitcase and belts it to his head. Hazel points to the BONDAGE CUFFS, the RIDING CROP, the MESCALINE - Gabe lays them out neatly on the mattress.

Hazel gets off the bed, stands next to Gabe and observes the items.

HAZEL

(nodding)

Shrewd. Yes. I think this will work.

She picks up the RIDING CROP and slaps Gabe on the buttocks.

HAZEL

(Cont'd)

Squat!

Gabe Squeals and squats.

INT. HALL - CONTINUOUS

Hazel walks out of the bedroom and down the hall carrying the BONDAGE CUFFS and the RIDING CROP.

Gabe follows, still squatting; he frog-hops after her, Huffing and Wheezing through the BALL GAG. He is carrying the MESCALINE with both hands.

FADE OUT.

For a while, back in the 90's, Hazel tried to be an actress. She never had any real success - appearing on the silver screen only once: as an extra in a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie. If you watch closely you can catch her profile in the crowd, right before JCVD dispatches two henchmen with a single roundhouse kick. Nowadays, her performances for her husband were enough to scratch that itch. She even learned to replicate some of JCVD's karate moves on Gabe when she beat the shit out of him, and Gabe very much appreciated that.

It would take thirty minutes for the mescaline to take effect - the perfect amount of time for Hazel to go to town on Gabe without doing any serious damage. Violence was, of course, the core of the performance - flogging, kicks to the balls, flying elbows to the face - but humiliation was a big part of it too. She would scream things at him like Stop whining you worthless Mutt! and Your tiny thing Disgusts me! They had never used safe words - antithetical to the goal, Gabe always said.

Hazel was about to stab his tush with a fasces of spaghetti (a procedure she called The Regretti Western) when the mescaline kicked in. She knew the timing, she knew Gabe's body; she pulled up his shorts and removed his ball gag. She said:

"Honey? Have we arrived?"

Gabe hung limp in the bondage cuffs that Hazel had attached to a hook in the ceiling, his skin was red as a fresh tomato. He slowly lifted his head, dribbling blood over his goatee, and he growled:

"Unchain me."

Hazel removed the cuffs and immediately took a few steps back. The minute after the unchaining was always a precarious one - in the past, Gabe had lashed out at invisible demons, even running to the kitchenette one time for a meat cleaver, screaming You're Not My Boyfriend, Freddy! as he chopped and sliced the air like a posturing cook in a kung-fu movie.

But this time he was calm. He took off his Chewbacca mask and looked around the room with plump, shimmering eyeballs.

"Yes," he said, taking a few steps forward and opening his arms. "The gods welcome us."

Hazel clapped her hands excitedly. "What are they saying, honey? Don't keep me in suspense!"

Gabe walked slowly through the front room to the balcony. The stars loomed large and yellow in the sky like a million Fresnel lanterns. Below, the streets of Silver Lake had filled with people, all the way to Sunset Boulevard. He lifted his arms and the people roared.

He turned to Hazel. "Here," he said. "Here is where we'll honor Marilyn. We shall perform the final scene of the script. I will play Marilyn. You will play Space Sultan Vinayak."

Having gone through countless two-person table reads, Gabe and Hazel knew all the character's lines by heart. And, fortunately, Doctor Suitcase had a blonde wig for Gabe's Cate Blanchett and an imperial mustache for Hazel's unassumed-but-prescriptively-mustachioed Space Sultan Vinayak.

The stage was set. The masses were waiting.

FADE IN:

EXT. TEMPLE BALCONY - DAY

Space Sultan Vinayak embraces Marilyn. Fate has ordained this to be their first and last kiss in this cruel life.

SPACE SULTAN VINAYAK

Baby, if only things were different.

MARILYN

Can't they be? Can't we make them different?

Space Sultan Vinayak takes a step back and puts his hands on Marilyn's shoulders.

SPACE SULTAN VINAYAK

Look at me, baby. The universe is bigger than me and you.

MARILYN

Bigger than our love? No, I don't believe it!

SPACE SULTAN VINAYAK

Believe it! Force yourself to believe it! Because if Jabberwock-9 reaches the Outer Floonigans before I do, they'll circumplop the atmosphere with their carcinoplasmic pingrays! Millions will die! Men, women, just like me and you, baby. Destiny beckons from the void. It beckons you too.

MARILYN

Me?

SPACE SULTAN VINAYAK

You. Nancy, Tobias, Carl the leper, they won't survive this planet without you. I came here to liberate the people, and liberate I have, but now there is rebuilding to be done - no, I'm not talking about the roads and the homes, I mean the trust, the fellowship, the love that binds us all. You, my darling Marilyn, you can heal this world's heart. God knows, you've healed mine.

MARILYN

Oh, Space Sultan Vinayak, never forget me.

SPACE SULTAN VINAYAK

Never, baby.

Space Sultan Vinayak looks longingly at Marilyn one last time, then leaves her standing alone, gazing up at the infinite universe.

MARILYN (V.O.)

And then he was gone. The noblest man I ever knew. The only man I ever loved. Lost to the weaker stars that cried his name.

Beat.

MARILYN (V.O.)

(Cont'd)

The next few years were severe. Rebel uprisings on the Scorpion Delta, an outbreak of Todger's disease in the capital slums, and Carl lost a leg after stubbing his toe on a doorstop. Tobias married Cyborg Linda, of course - now that the fascist regime had been crushed; they shortly after disappeared into the northern wilderness. I sometimes imagine them bathing in a cool, crystal blue river, Linda's nuggeometric helmet glinting in the sunlight as Tobias embraces her. And I smile a rare smile... Nancy continued lobbying for Senator Biff-Sherman. They were both killed in an accident at a rally when a box of grenades slipped off the back of a passing chinook. One paper called it 'The least notable house fire ever seen in an unregistered aquarium.' She was a warrior and a loyalist. She was my friend. Life - in all its forms, she would emphatically agree - must go proudly on.

CUT TO:

"Except for mine," said Gabe, mounting the balcony rail.

The masses erupted. Countless Zippos and mobile phones lit up, mirroring the night sky. Whistles and party horns sounded off to the heavens. For a moment, Silver Lake became a heaving ocean.

"Gabe? Honey?"

Gabe looked at Hazel over his shoulder. "You know what makes Marylin so precious, don't you?"

Hazel shook her head.

"She's anything but capable of keeping an audience in suspense."