message in the mirror

5 AM. The alarm goes off. Time to get up and start a new day with the same old routine as countless days before.

Turn off the alarm, push away the sheets and head for the bathroom.

There was something different today; something strange. A heaviness hung in the air. His body felt heavier too. Heavy! Everything felt heavy today.

Aaron simply tried to brush it off thinking he must be tired. He will have some extra sleep over the weekend, and everything will be okay again. It always is in the end.

Shower, brushing teeth, combing hair, getting dressed and off to work. The same as countless days before.

There was a heaviness in the air outside as well and his body seemed slower. Aaron motivated himself with the thought that he would get some extra sleep over the weekend. He would be all right. He always was.

 A strange smell met him as he went down the stairs of the subway. Or maybe it had always been there, and he never noticed.

He went to the platform, waited for a short stretch, and then got in his subway car. The air was heavy inside the car and the strange smell hung there as well... not that it was an unpleasant odour, he just noticed it. He thought it must be the perfume of a woman lingering in the air. She probably used too much of it trying to impress somebody. Women were like that: they always had to be the centre of attention. He was sure she never stopped to ask if maybe somebody was allergic to her perfume.

Aaron always travelled standing up, tough this morning for some reason he wished he could sit. He could if he really wanted to; but that meant he would have to take place between two strangers. And that was something Aaron absolutely did not want.

When he walked out of the subway station he walked the short distance to his office building, the same as countless days before. A homeless man stood not far from the entrance. Begging for coins to buy himself a morning coffee. Aaron didn´t like that. The very sight of it: a beggar in the entrance of his office building. He walked in a wide arc around the man mumbling to go get a job!

He went straight to the elevator, pushed his floor button, and got out on his office floor. He greeted everybody, same as countless days before, with a big smile, while thinking the same thoughts he always thought: the receptionist was dressed too flashy, co-workers were too loud. What on earth could they possibly have to tell one another so early in the morning.

He went into his office and got straight to work. The air was heavy in his office room as well and somehow nothing seemed to be working right this morning. His computer froze, he knocked over a pencil holder and all the pencils fell to the floor. Must be the fault of the cleaning crew, they never bothered to put stuff back into place, the way he organized it. Aaron felt a wave of irritation come over him. He did not like it at all when things didn´t go his way.

5 PM. Aaron headed for the exit. Workday was over. He was not satisfied with himself. He could have done more work if only things would have gone the way he wanted them to go. His co-workers seemed even more obnoxious today than they usually did. The homeless man still stood in the same place as he did this morning. He extended a cup towards Aaron to ask him for some spare change. Aaron again distanced himself as much as he could from the man. 

“What does he want now? He thought, “Dinner at the Ritz? Go get a job instead of bothering other people.”

Just before he went into the subways station it hit him that the air was even heavier than this morning. He loosened his tie a little. When he stepped into the subway car, the same smell as that morning entered his nostrils. He thought the same woman must have used the same car as him just to irritate him.

He walked a bit faster to his apartment than usual. His mood sunk to his shoes when he opened his apartment door. The air was heavy and the same smell as in the subway car filled his whole apartment. He started cursing. The scent probably stuck to his clothes and now contaminated his home.

He decided to hit the shower and put his clothes into a sealed laundry bag.

When he came out of the shower nothing had changed. He decided to open every window. To little avail. Maybe there was no wind and therefore no air circulation.

He threw himself on the couch and turned on the TV. As usual there was nothing on to his liking. He wandered why bothered to pay for all these channels. His Tv screen froze. 

• Because you are lukewarm; neither hot nor cold, I am about to spit you out of my mouth.

What ever that is supposed to mean, he thought. The remote didn´t work, he couldn´t get rid of the image or change the channel. He turned the TV off and threw the remote on the coffee table.

He wasn´t able to concentrate on anything. He lay down on the couch and slowly but surely, he sank into Morpheus arms.

5 AM: an alarm goes off. Somewhere far…. Probably time to get up, but this was not his usual alarm. This one sounded so far away.

It was chilly. Cold even. Aaron opened his eyes- what was this? He fell asleep on the couch? The windows were still open… and the alarm he thought he heard in a dream was the one coming from his bedroom. The same as countless days before.

Aaron was lost! This had never happened before. Surely, he was coming up with something. He would get some extra sleep over the weekend. Everything will be all right after that. The night on the couch didn´t do him any good because his whole body hurt. He went through the same routine as countless days before and left for his office. For some reason he found himself wanting to hurry this morning, as if he could be late for something. 

In the subway car, he wouldn´t sit again, because that meant he would have to sit between two strangers. Not his thing! Especially not this morning. His eyes went up to the advertising signs above the train doors. The same sentence as he saw on his TV the night before. Must be coincidence. Commercial trash cluttering up the walls of the train. That´s all.

A lady smiled good morning at him. Aaron asked himself what she was smiling about. She better not start up a conversation. He was not in the mood.

“Would you like to sit?” she asked. Aaron quickly shook his head and turned his back to her.

At the entrance of his office building, he saw the same homeless man again. Security needs to take care of that, he thought.

His day went by the same way it did countless days before, and at 5 PM exactly he went home. In the subway he stared at the same sign as that morning. It irritated him. 

When he opened his apartment door, he vowed that he would not fall asleep on the couch tonight. He heated up a TV dinner, but didn´t turn on the TV tonight. He wondered why he bothered paying for all those channels, when there was never on anything to his liking…

He felt restless. This was a new experience for him. He could not remember ever feeling like that before. He took a shower and went to bed. Sleep wouldn´t come. He tossed and turned and when he finally drifted away, he was sucked into a series of strange flashes and images that made up a dream. He couldn´t remember much of it when he woke up at 9 AM. Since it was Saturday, he woke up at 9 instead of 5 like countless weekends before.

He went straight to the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee, but didn´t drink it. His weekend resolution was to get more sleep. Coffee might counteract that. So, he went to take a shower. By the time he was done, the whole bathroom was steamed under. Strange, that had never happened before.

He wiped the mirror with his towel and got the shock of his life: there was someone standing behind him. He wanted to scream but fear had him by the throat. He turned around, but nobody was there. he looked back into the mirror and walked a few steps back, but the man stayed behind his reflection in the mirror.

That´s it, Aaron thought. I´m overworked. I´m seeing things. Maybe I turned Schizophrenic overnight. He had read or heard about this somewhere. It couldn´t be a ghost, for Aaron didn´t believe in ghosts, and today was not going to persuade him of the contrary.

Naked he ran to his living room to sound an alarm of some kind, call the police or whatever. He stopped in his tracks, because in the reflection of the window he could still see the man behind him. 

He let out a scream and crawled onto his couch. He hid his face behind his hands. His heart was racing so fast, he was sure it would jump out of his chest at any moment now.

He peaked through his fingers to look at his reflection in the windows. The man stood behind him but nowhere in the room was there a physical manifestation of this man.

“Am I dead?” Aaron stammered.

“In a way.” Said the man in a most eloquent way.

“Oh my God, you speak! What does that even mean: in a way?” Aaron shouted. “I still have work to finish at the office.”

Aaron put his fingers to his wrist to feel his pulse: “I´m not dead! I can feel my pulse. You are just a manifestation of my mental state. Be gone! I compel you!” 

“That only works in the movies my friend!” the man sat next to Aaron on the couch now, in the reflection of the window.

“Who are you? What are you doing in my house?” Aaron sputtered.

“You came to warn me I´m about to die. You´re the Grimm Reaper.” Aaron whispered overcome by fear again.

“I have so many names.” Smiled the man who made himself comfortable on the couch in the reflection of the window. “Eventually everybody gets to have a date with death Aaron.”

“Ah, you go to hell!” Aaron snapped.

“One look at you and I´m already there Aaron.” The man said, “Now go stand in front of a mirror so you can see me better.”

Aaron reluctantly got up from the sofa and walked not his bedroom where he stood in front of a dressing mirror.

The man was sitting on the bed behind Aaron now.

“Why do you stay behind me?” Aaron asked.

“Oh, you will see me in front of you soon enough my friend.” 

“When?” Aaron asked.

“When you stopped wishing for me.” the man said in a solemn voice. “But you waste your time asking the wrong questions.”

“I´m supposed to ask questions?” Aaron stammered.

The man blew and the mirror steamed up:

• Because you are lukewarm neither hot nor cold; I am about to spit you out of my mouth.”

Aaron felt an ominous feeling coming over him. He stared at the writing in the mirror, his mind racing but not a single thought organizing in his head.

“What does that even mean? It have seen this a couple of times these last few days.” Aaron said.

“It´s from a quote from the Bible.” The man said.

“The Bible?” Aaron asked. He turned around, but when he did, he could not see the man, so he turned back around. “But I´m Jewish!” his voice screeked.

“Are you now”” smiled the man. “You could have fooled me! I don´t think they ask for your credentials upstairs!”

“Upstairs?” Aaron repeated, “You did come to get me than?”

The man calmly shook his head.

“What does this all mean?” Aaron asked.

“It means you have no zeal. You´re good for nothing really. You´re wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked!”

Upon the last word Aaron realized that he literally was naked. He crossed his hands in front of him and pulled a sheet from the bed to cover him. In the mirror he could see the man jump up.

“I´m so sorry about that!” he quickly said.

“You were sent here?” Aaron asked.

“Sent here? A few moments ago, I was still a fiction in your imagination.” The man laughed. “Maybe you called me here!”

“I need a drink!” Aaron said.

“Perhaps you do,” the man said amused. “Make it a green one, with a little luck you´ll meet a colleague of mine. She has much more imagination than me, but she can be a trickster sometimes.”

“What?” cried Aaron almost in despair, “There´s more than one version of you?”

“The absinth fairy,” sighed the man, “never heard of her?”

“Jokes?” Aaron shouted.

“Anger?” the man replied, “Good! There´s still hope for you then.”

Aaron looked at the man in amazement and frowned his brows.

“Anger is energy, you just have to direct it in constructive ways! It also means you´re capable to feel! To be human!”

“Anger is good?” Aaron said, “But I´m angry all the time.”

He looked at he man in the mirror as a trillion questions shot through his head.

“Maybe you should listen to that anger than and do something with it!” the man said. “You´re a nan by pan by middle of the roader.”

“But I´m self-sufficient. I don´t bother anybody.” Aaron whispered.

“Maybe you are.” said the man, “but you don´t show much interest or enthusiasm. Nor is your whole heart into anything, or the strength of your soul. You´re also really cheesy!” 

Aaron closed his eyes.

“You´re right!” he said, “I excel in mediocrity. I´m the epitome of complacency.”

The man sighed and crossed his legs looking at Aaron with an almost tender look.

“What should I do?” Aaron asked.

“You´re asking the wrong question again.” said the man. “Advice is not in my job description.”

Aaron let out a deep sigh: “It´s not like I never tried.”

“Is that so? From where I sit, I think you didn`t put much heart into it.”

Aaron turned around, but then he couldn´t see the man, so he turned back to the mirror:

“Okay!” he said, “maybe you can´t give me solid advice, but you could put me in the right direction, right?”

The man curled his lip and shook his shoulders: “Maybe you could spare a few coins for the homeless man in front of your office building.”

“What, that bum? He should get a job!” Aaron was quick to reply.

“Or better yet, why don´t you bring him some coffee next time?”

“I don´t know how he takes his coffee.” Aaron mumbled.

“Then why don´t you ask him? And what about that nice lady who invites you to sit on the subway and whose kindness you repay with rudeness every weekday?”

Aaron shook his shoulders.

The man stood up now and was standing right behind Aaron in the reflection in the mirror.

“You know, my friend.” He started, “I can´t give you advice. But what I can tell is the saddest thing to happen in a man´s life.”

“What is that?” Aaron asked.

“To finally see me coming and greet me with regret.”

Aaron frowned his brows again.

“Regret over all the things, you didn´t do!”

And just like that… the man was gone. Aaron looked around, ran to the bathroom to check if maybe he was still to be seen in the bathroom mirror. He was gone.

Aaron walked back to his bedroom. The message was still on the dressing mirror.

• Because you are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, ….

N0! Aaron thought. Don´t spit me out just yet.

The next Monday morning, he sat next to the lady on the train. She gave him the loveliest smile. Aaron felt good. He rushed to his office, stopping at the coffee corner and bought an extra-large American coffee. Can´t go wrong with that one, Aaron thought to himself. 

“Thank you, sir!” the homeless man thanked him with a big smile, “God bless you! Have a great day.” Aaron stopped and thought: He meant that. He really was sincere.”

He went up to his office and stood by the window lost in his thoughts when the receptionist came in:

“Morning Aaron!”

He turned around and smiled at her. Well, he thought to himself. Her clothes are flashy, but a little colour never killed anyone.

“We´re having a picknick next weekend. Care to come?”

“Wouldn´t miss it for the world.” Aaron replied.

He felt a light but warm feeling all over his body. It felt good.

At 5 PM workday was over. Aaron headed for the exit. He went to the homeless man he bought a cup of coffee this morning and said: “This weekend we´re going to a picknick!” and he went on to his subway station.

For some reason he couldn´t stop smiling. It felt good! From now on, he looked for a reason every day, to put a smile on somebody´s face, so as to be able to smile himself: every day.