The Lyndian

Today is the day. Today is the day Trudi asks out Tonisha. She can feel it in her every atom while she brushes her teeth, while she slips on her new hose, while she slips into her favorite dress. The dress she wears to job interviews and weddings because it makes her feel both powerful and fierce. She applies her burgundy lipstick and blots it on a tissue which she discards in her bathroom wastebasket. One more quick look in the mirror and she grabs her purse and umbrella heading out the door.

The whole ride downtown on the bus, she practices what she will say. Say to beautiful, smart, successful Tonisha who has lived in her thoughts for so long. Just when she feels calm and cool and ready to do this, the bus stops in front of her office building, and she breaks into a sweat. She exits the bus standing for a moment in the cool air hoping that her nerves will calm themselves, and the sweat will dry before stepping into the building’s lobby.

She waits near the bank of elevators watching for Tonisha to come and trying to be cool and not obvious. Trudi can feel her sweaty arm pits and palms and is sure everyone else knows she nervous too. A couple of times she almost boards an elevator in defeat, and it is not until the third time that she hears her voice.

Tonisha calls out from the entrance,” Hey, can you hold the elevator for me.”

Trudi cannot believe her luck as she presses the door open button and waits for her crush to board the elevator. Out of breath and covered in a sheen of her own sweat, Tonisha rushes onto the elevator with a smile of thanks. Swallowing her nerves, Trudi punches her floor and without thought, that of Tonisha which elicits a curious look from the other woman.

Well, it’s now or never Trudi thinks before asking lamely, “Running late too?”

Tonisha’s speculative look deepens, and she responds, “Yeah, traffic was a bear.”

“Well, TGIF,” Trudi says feeling even more lame.

“Yeah,” Tonisha says with a laugh.

The pair fall silent and Trudi unobtrusively admires her elevator companion with her dark black hair allowed to curl naturally, and dark brown complexion made up with the perfect bronze, red, and brown tones. She allows her eyes to trail down the folds and buttons and creases of the other woman’s pant suit while her hearts steady beat quickens. She knows that any moment this ride will end, and she must act.

The elevator stops with a ding at Tonisha’s floor and as she disembarks, Trudi screws up her courage to ask, “Hey, Tonisha, do you want to go out for a drink after work?”

Pausing in the doorway, the woman turns with mouth open in surprise,” A drink after work?”

“Yes, there’s a cute bar a few blocks from here called The Lyndian. Have you heard of it?”

“I have. They play nothing but Jazz.”

“That’s right. So, do you? Want to get a drink?”

Tonisha pauses for a second bringing a fresh batch of sweat to Trudi’s back and responds with a speculative look, “Yeah, that sounds fun. Meet me downstairs at 5:30?”

Releasing tension that has been there since this morning, Trudi responds with an excited,” Yes! 5:30 would be great.”

“OK, see you later.” Tonisha says and turns to finish exiting the elevator.

“Have a good day,” Trudi says with stunned disbelief.

The rest of the ride to her floor is spent in shocked disbelief. She cannot believe that she finally asked Tonisha out after all this time, and she said yes. All this time waiting and wonder and worrying about this moment, and now it is done. Trudi is over the moon with excitement as she exits the elevator and walks into her company’s suites.

Tonisha is waiting when the elevator doors open on the ground floor. Trudi is still feeling good from her yes earlier. Smiling she steps off the elevator and stands before Tonisha trying to appear calmer than she is. Looking as beautiful and put together as she did that morning, Tonisha wears an unreadable expression. Trudi’s mind races to try and decipher it.

Instead, she says,” Hi,” and asks,” Have you been waiting long?”

“No, I just got her before your elevator arrived.”

“Great,” Trudi says with relief. “I thought maybe judging by your face that you’d been waiting long.”

“No, that’s not it.”

“Oh?” Trudi says questioningly.

“Yeah, I was wondering something. Well, A couple of things really.”

“What’s that? I’m an open book.”

“How did you know what floor I was on?”

“I must have seen you push it another time we rode together.”

“Ok, then how do you know my name?”

Trudi does not know what to say. She stands there trying to understand what the other woman could mean by that question. Of course, she knows her name. Why would she not know her name. Then a thought occurs to her that causes her face to first go pale then flush with embarrassment. Tonisha does not remember her.

At first Trudi only manages,” Uh, Uh, Uh,”

Then after a moment of Tonisha staring at her expecting an answer, she manages a complete sentence, “We had gym together in 7^th grade.”

“We what?” Tonisha asks incredulously.

“We went to Washington Middle School together and had gym together. Remember, you and I were the last two left on our team for dodgeball once, and we beat seven other kids?”

“No, that was that weird gay girl,” Tonisha says.

Weird gay girl? Thinks Trudi. Looking at the woman, she realizes that this is not going like she had imagined that it would. She had this day all planned out in her head. This day seemed already won. This day was going to be perfect. Now, she is that weird gay girl who is living in a fantasy land.

Tonisha's expression shifts with a realization of her own when she asks, “When you asked me out, was it because you thought I was gay too?”

Face flushed with blood, Trudi answers quietly, “Yes, I think that I did.”

“Why?” Tonisha's face is a mix of anger and surprise.

“Well, when we won that game, you hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. So, when I saw you start here earlier this week, it’s all I could think about.”

“I don’t even remember that day, and I’m not gay,” Tonisha says defensively.

Trudi stands there feeling miserable and wondering how to get out of this when the other woman says,” I think that I’ll just go home tonight.”

Without waiting for a response from Trudi, Tonisha turns and walks away from the elevators. Leaving Trudi to stand there and watch her leave. Trudi for her part cannot think of anything to say and watches Tonisha walk quickly into the night. The ding of an elevator snaps her out of the spell, and she looks around sheepishly to see if anyone witnessed her humiliation. Relieved that she and Tonisha were alone, she walks to the office buildings doors and pushes her way into the night.

The following Monday Trudi waits at the elevator banks hoping that one will arrive before Tonisha gets there. Watching the floor indicators light up as the elevators race each other to the ground floor, she silently urges them to go faster, faster. They all pause for an excruciatingly long time at floors eleven, seven, six, and three. Another woman from her office arrives before one of the elevators lands and smiles a greeting to Trudi. Trudi smiles back and glances nervously at the front doors.

Finally, an elevator dings announcing its arrival and the two women get aboard it. The doors slowly begin closing when much to her dismay, Trudi hears Tonisha’s voice call out, “Hold the doors please.”

Silently Trudi curse as her coworker punches the open-door button allowing Tonisha to reach the elevator before pressing their floor. Tonisha presses her floor's button and takes her place opposite of Trudi. Trudi looks at the floor willing herself to be invisible. When she glances at Tonisha out of the side of her eye, she sees that the woman is pointedly pretending not to notice her which ignites a small flame of anger in Trudi.

How dare she act like this. Was not it bad enough that Trudi embarrassed herself, but now she has to be treated this way? So, what if she though the other woman might be gay. There is nothing wrong with being gay. Lord knows it has taken her long enough to say that to herself without being reminded of how unaccepted she has been in the past. What right does Tonisha have to be upset anyway? She should take it as the compliment that it is. That's right!

When the elevator stops and Tonisha goes to exit, Trudi calls out,” Hey Tonisha!”

Tonisha stops and looks back at her.

“It’s Trudi not that weird gay girl!”