Forgiven

​It had been twenty-four years since she had last seen it, but the place looked exactly the same. The wooden cross that her grandfather had carved from an old oak still hung on the wall above the choir loft. Beautiful stained-glass windows still allowed warm sunlight to light the sanctuary while still blocking any view to the outside. White shutters hugged the windows, available to close if the light ever got too bright or he rays too warm. The same wooden pews sat patiently in rows on each side from back to front, with a path in the middle leading to the altar. 

​The cushions had of course been replaced since way back then, but they were the same sage green that she remembered, coordinating perfectly with the shade of green carpeting that covered the floor. Pale yellow paint on the walls complimented the muted green, and welcomed all who entered through the double doors at the back. Or was it the front? She had always thought it odd that the front doors of the building became the back once you crossed the threshold. So many times she had sat in these pews, and had sang the songs from the worn hymnals that were placed in the backs of them. Boxes of tissue sat on the end of each pew, surely to be used by more than a few on that day. 

​Making her way down the aisle, she allowed distant memories play through her mind. Memories of happy times, before that awful day. As she approached the altar, she feared that someone would come in to stop her. Reminding her that she was unworthy of the forgiveness she longed for. Yet she had come early and no one else was there. So she slowly stepped forward, and knelt at the altar, her head bowed with her face in her hands. As she prayed, she heard her father’s voice, telling her how happy he was to see her and how glad he was that she had come. It had been so long since she had talked to him, and cried softly when she felt his arms wrap around her shoulders. Her sobs echoed throughout the room, and her shoulders heaved with every hiccupping gasp for breath. She was finally where she had longed to be, and yet the sadness and guilt weighed heavily on her. She continued to pray, and her father continued to hold her, not questioning why she had come or where she had been. He knew, as did everyone else who would be there. 

​“Mama?” The voice broke through her sobs and she slowly stood to her feet, wiping her face with a tissue as she did. 

“Hello, Jessica.” 

Her daughter stood before her, staring at her as if she couldn’t believe her eyes. Afraid that if she moved, her mother would disappear again. Then suddenly, she broke free of the chains that bound her and she threw herself into her mother’s arms, crying into her shoulder as she had been crying just moments before. She held her daughter tightly, stroking her back and murmuring soothing affirmations over and over, until her sobs had subsided and her tears had slowed. Jessica reached up and touched her mother’s face. “I’m so happy you’re here. Would you like to see Sarah?” she asked softly.

The woman closed her eyes and a fresh tear escaped to roll down her cheek. She shook her head slightly. “Not yet. I need to prepare myself. This is already an emotional day, just being here. And seeing her, here…” Her words trailed off, but Jessica understood. She had cried her own share of a small lake over the past few months, knowing this day would come. 

“Well let’s go to the restroom and fix your makeup, okay?” Jessica took her hand and turned toward a door leading to the back of the church. 

“I’ll just cry it off again. Jessica, I wish I could have been here sooner, maybe talked to her before-“, she stopped when Jessica cut her off.

“Mama, stop. There was nothing you could do. I’m just happy you’re here now.” She dabbed at her face with tissue and opened her purse for powder and lipstick. “I have your room all ready at the house. I want you to stay with me for as long as you want.”

“Thank you. Hopefully it won’t be for long, but we can work through the details.” Tears began streaming down her cheeks again. “I wanted to apologize to Sarah so many times. But I didn’t feel that a letter was good enough. And I just didn’t want her to see me like that. You understand, don’t you?” 

Jessica swiped at her own tears. “Mama, we’ve been through this. Of course, I understand. You did exactly what you had to do. And a prison is no place for a child to visit her grandmother. My only regret is that I wasn’t the one who killed him.” 

“Now you stop. There was a reason things happened the way they did. God knew that child needed her mother with her. And I have no regrets. He was hurting her, and there was no telling what he would have done had I not shown up that night. I won’t talk about this again. Not today. Not here. That man will not get another second of attention today. Now, I need to see Sarah. Did you make sure that she’s wearing the necklace?” 

Jessica nodded. “Yes, she’s wearing it. She should be ready. They were just arriving when I came in.”

“Okay, I’m ready.” Then realizing she hadn’t asked her daughter if she was okay. “How are you holding up?”  

“I’ll be fine, now that you’re here.” She smiled and took her hand, then they began to walk slowly toward the other side of the church. 

When Jessica opened the door to the room, she stopped and turned to her mother, eyes glistening. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

She didn’t hear Jessica’s words. She could only stare across the room at her granddaughter. Unmoving, with eyes closed. She was the spitting image of her mother. Someone had taken great care with her hair, not a strand was out of place. She had only needed minimal makeup, her skin was so perfect. And on her chest lay the necklace, the one that had belonged to her own grandmother. It now lay right where it belonged. 

They stood where they were, unwilling to move in fear of disturbing the peaceful beauty of the scene before them. A woman stood beside Sarah, making small adjustments to her dress. She paused and smiled knowingly when she saw them there, and moved aside as they approached. 

Jessica’s hand closed even tighter around her own, and her breath caught in her chest. This was it. There was no turning back. She was about to touch her granddaughter for the first time in twenty-four years. She closed her eyes and sent up a silent prayer, begging for the strength to do this. 

“Grandma?” The voice was like music on her ears. She opened her eyes and stepped forward, careful not to step on the long white dress. 

“Sarah. My love.” Unsure what to say next, she just stood there and stared and the perfect face before her. 

“Grandma, I’m so glad you’re here. I have something to say to you.” She held up a hand when her grandmother opened her mouth to speak. “By saving my life, you gave up so much of your own. I wanted to visit you, but I understand why you didn’t want me to. All the details can come later, but what I want to say right now, is...thank you.” Tears threatened to spill over her lids, but somehow she managed to keep them in check. 

What an incredible woman, she thought, and she knew that everything would be okay. She was forgiven. Forgiven by her granddaughter, and her heavenly Father… and that was all that mattered.