Sleep Well

“It’s April, Liebchen. April 30th. A red-letter-day that will grab the human race by the throat and shake it better again! From April 31st, the world will be... perfect.” 

“Hei! That’s quite a thing, Wölfe.” 

“This day is not one chosen at random. Do you know from where the month of April gets its name?” 

“No, Wölfe. I’m afraid I don’t.” 

“Bless your chestnut head—you're still an innocent girl.” 

“I’m ignorant to the comings and goings of the world, Wölfe.” 

“Come into the most private of chambers; The Sanctum Sanctorum. Sit your lovely ass down on this exquisite leatherbound seat.” 

“Wölfe!” 

“Are you warm enough, Liebchen?” 

“Wölfe. You were telling me about April. You string me along and it drives me insane!” 

“Haha. Yes. It ties you in knots. Some say that April was named by Romulus. Do you recall who he was?” 

“You told me that story, didn’t you Wölfe? After we made love for the first time. I was still tipsy after my third glass of Moët et Chandon.” 

“That’s true. Stay focused, little dove. Who was Romulus?” 

“Um. He was one of the twins who founded Greece?” 

“No, Liebchen! Think! What city does his name actually sound like?” 

“Don’t shout at me Wölfey! I can’t think when you shout at me.” 

“I-I’m sorry. Try harder.” 

“Romulus. Rom... Rome! It’s Rome! He founded Rome!” 

“Yes, Liebchen. Rome. Now, legend has it that Romulus named April after the Goddess Aphrodite.” 

“She’s the love one, right?” 

“Ja. She’s the Goddess of love. Venus to the Romans and Aphrodite to the Greeks.” 

“What does this have to do with what we’re doing down here? There are things that surely need our attention above, Wölfe?” 

“The Earth is in a sorry state, little dove. We’re here to channel the love of the great Goddess herself. It’s our love for our people that sees us on this quest. A quest to reclaim humanity and propel it forward into a New Age!” 

“A New Age of what?” 

“An age of light and knowledge and wisdom. Art, culture, and music, Liebchen. And most of all: unity.” 

“Like Ancient Rome?” 

“Yes. Just like Ancient Rome.” 

“Rome fell, though, Wölfe. It fell, didn’t it?” 

“At the hands of whom?” 

“I’m not sure.” 

“The Visigoths.” 

“The who?” 

“Early. Germanic. People.” 

“I just felt butterflies in my tummy, Wölfe.”

“I’m sure you did, my love. Now pass me that book on the table.” 

“It’s heavy, Wölfe. The leather binding feels odd too.” 

“It’s soft, ja?” 

“Yes. Sort of eerily soft. Like a baby’s skin.” 

“Funny that.” 

“Wölfe?” 

“It contains all the power and arcane intel we will need for our task.” 

“Our task being...?” 

“Why, to summon something strong enough to aid us on our mission.” 

“Not... Him, Wölfey?” 

“What? No! I speak of Gods, not the other thing. Old Gods. Norse Gods.” 

“Odin?” 

“His son. The God of Fertility. The God of War. The God of Thunder.” 

“Um... Wölfe?” 

“Hm? Yes, Liebchen?” 

“This is something wonderful. I can barely comprehend it. This book is meant to beckon the great God, Thor?” 

“The words therein, yes.” 

“Might I... read those words of power?” 

“Liebchen! This is a moment I’ve been waiting for. I was born for—” 

“—Please, Wölfe? It would help me grow as a person. As your wife. And it may serve to propel me into the New Age with the rest of the world.” 

“Little bird. Using my words against me. Ha! How can I refuse one so wolfishly clever?” 

“Thank you, my love.” 

“Just place the tome on the pedestal here. Open to page 93 and recite the words slowly and precisely.” 

“Yes. I will. Let’s see.  

Wir rufen Sie an, Asen! 

Bitte hören Sie unsere! 

Wir rufen Sie Forseti! 

Bitte komm und verurteile dich! 

Did that sound right, Wölfe?” 

“Not too bad for a beginner.” 

“Nothing is happening.” 

“Well, Liebchen, an offering must be made first.” 

“A sacrifice? Like in the Bible?” 

“Yes, my good Catholic girl, just like in the Bible.” 

“What am I to do?” 

“Take this pill.” 

“But... That’s a cyanide pill, Wölfe.” 

“Is it? Or is it a test of your courage and devotion?” 

“Put the gun down, Wölfey. You wouldn’t hurt your Liebchen!” 

“Take-the-fucking-pill!” 

“But—” 

“Stop crying! Take it, or by Odin, I’ll shoot you in both kneecaps and watch you drag yourself about like a worm!” 

“Okay. You win, my love. Maybe it’s what I deserve after all.” 

“Open your mouth! Show me under your tongue! Prima. Good girl, Liebchen. You’ve made the right choice. Now we simply await the coming of—” 

“That noise! It’s like the Earth cracking open! The light! It’s so bright, Wölfe!” 

“It burns! Why do you punish us, Thor? We are but your humble servants!” 

“I AM NOT THE GOD YOU THINK I AM, WARLORD.” 

“What?” 

“I’m feeling giddy, my love.” 

“I AM NO HAMMER WIELDING WHELP. I AM YOUR JUDGE. YOUR JURY. I AM FORSETI.” 

“But... How?” 

“I’m sorry, Wölfe.” 

“Liebchen? You did this? Exchanged one God for another? You’ve betrayed not only me, but the entire globe!” 

“There will be no New Age, my love.” 

“SHE CALLS YOU WOLF? YOU ARE NO WOLF, LITTLE MAN. YOU ARE VERMIN. I SENTENCE YOU TO DEATH!” 

“I am to see Valhalla!” 

“HA! YOU WILL SEE NOUGHT BUT TORTUROUS, INFINITE DARKNESS. YOUR SUFFERING WILL FILL MY HORN AND I WILL SAVOR IT LIKE THE COOLEST AND SMOOTHEST OF MEADS.” 

“Wölfe! Take the gun away from your temple! Only the Gods may mete out your punishment!” 

“I'm not doing this. I can't control my arm! I love you, Eva.” 

“I loved you once too, Adolf.” 

“SEE HOW SHE DIES FOR YOU. NOW, IF YOU’D BE SO KIND.” 

“If you win, you need not have to explain...If you lose, you should not be there to explain. Argh! The bullet was off course! This is agony!” 

“YES. DIE SLOWLY, RODENT. A BELLY FULL OF EVIL HUMAN ANGUISH—I SHALL SLEEP WELL TONIGHT.”