Nap

Every winter, I used to indulge in the thought of tucking myself inside a quilt and forgetting the world, like getting lost inside a magic cloak. I know it sounds weird, but I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would come this close to my winter fantasy of getting lost.

Even though I wanted this to be a dream, the doctors just broke the news to my loved ones. With a not-so-heavy heart and a lousy tone, they said I was in a coma. A couple of minutes ago, my entire family, consisting of my parents, my sister, a few friends I had earned, and my dog named Dude, were immersed in prayers, clenching their hands tighter. I knew it wasn't for the frigid winter, but those warm prayers went in vain. I was swimming in a pool of comatose.

I tried waking up. It wasn't a dream. I could see them. I could go past my family members, sit beside them, and lend my shoulder to console them. But they neither heard a word of mine nor felt my presence. "Am I dead?" I kept asking myself, hoping I could hear something powerful to answer that surreal question. Again, there were no answers.

When the doctor broke the news, my family, like any family, was shaken. They broke down, clinging onto a slim chance of hope. They were in a state of crying their eyes out and holding back their tears. The doctor tried his best to explain my state to my family, but nothing made sense to them for a while.

They knew I wasn't dead. They also knew I wasn't awake to talk to them, and the worst part was, I knew I was right next to them in a form I couldn't fathom.

My parents kept looking at me. They never took their eyes off me. Though I was very much alive inside, my dog kept licking me all over, hoping it could bring me back to life and play another round of frisbee. The poor thing even barked multiple times, only to be silenced after my friends intervened.

I always looked up to my friends as a guiding force and strength. Today, I couldn't stand the sight of tears in their eyes. Speaking of tears, my parents and my sister couldn't contain their grief any further, and they instantly broke down. Had I been awake, I would have turned those tears into smiles. I had no choice.

Days passed. Weeks passed. A month later, kith and kin had lost hope and resorted to helplessness. During every visit, the visitor count drastically dropped, and gradually, a year later, the corridor was left with my parents, my dog, and my sister. By now, they had lost a lot of weight. They looked pale, and all of them had dark circles. Even 'Dude,' my dog, had lost its charm. He stopped barking but never stopped licking my face.

A few days later, one of my relatives dropped by, and when I eavesdropped on the conversation, it was about a marriage proposal for my sister. Suddenly, like a bolt from the blue, helplessness struck me again. I wanted to be a part of that conversation. I wanted to shoulder that responsibility so my parents could be relieved. However, they had no choice but to consider it as the guy was a family friend and also a classmate of my sister during her master's. They had fallen in love and had planned to break the news a year ago. Who would have thought, a brother in comatose would steal their happiness?

My family was in a deep discussion; they had to make a decision and also had to mourn the physical presence of their son. It was a year now, and with no choice, they opted for the former. I never felt upset or wanted to blame them. It was a tough call, and considering what they had been through all these years, it wasn't an easy choice but wasn't impossible either.

I was so sad I couldn't be part of such a wonderful moment and happy that my family resorted to the thought of moving on. My sister didn't want the wedding to be a huge event. She and her fiancé were keen on a low-key wedding, and the families obliged. Did they have a choice?

The wedding, as planned, was a simple Hindu ceremony in a temple amidst close-knit family members. Post the ceremonial nuptials, the family gathered for a group photograph. Surprisingly, my sister had arranged for a 6ft cut-out of mine so I was part of 'The Family Photo.' That gesture tore me into pieces of happiness. I did try to pose in front of the photograph, but then I stood next to it as I looked great in the photograph.

Soon after the wedding, the entire family got back to the hospital, awaiting a miracle, hoping I would wake up so they could get another family photo. To their dismay, I was still and lying there with no movement.

“Bloody godforsaken fate,” I cursed. I never usually curse. But that moment was hopeless. A year had passed, tears had flowed, dreams had crashed, money had been locked amidst responsibilities, and none of these had brought me back to life. That was the moment I stopped clinging to faith, and I wished I was dead. Like death, where I would finally be gone and not keep my loved ones awaiting my presence.

They say, choose your wishes and words wisely. I never thought I would be falling prey to this one day. To my shocking surprise, I woke up. Finally, it was a long nap. The doctors rushed immediately and attended to me with the necessary medical support. When the nurse broke down the news, my family's joy knew no bounds. They just wanted to rush inside and hug me. They couldn't contain their excitement. They were still in tears; this time out of joy.

The doctor advised my family to stay calm and asked them to come inside. When they saw me opening my eyes, their smiles broadened. However, their world fell apart when I uttered those words after a year - “Who are you”?

I was right there. I could recognize my entire family. I couldn't understand what was happening. I was still in a form I couldn't fathom. It almost felt like a new consciousness inhabited my body. I finally got back to life as a stranger. Now, my once-hopeful family was back to mourning not the loss of a loved one but the birth of a stranger in the shell of someone they used to know.

“Bloody godforsaken fate,” I cursed again.

Written by Vishal Komara