Chapter 1

I laid on my back, an ice cold glass of lemonade resting at my side. I squinted at the sky, the blazing sun beaming down on me. I was trying to relax, and wind down but in this heat it was absolutely impossible. My stomach let out a large grr and I decided that even though I was really tired and wanted to lay in the blazing sun, feeling all fuzzy inside, I forced my legs up. 

Our kitchen was small, and mostly bare. Pulling open cupboards I was able to find a few pieces of bread and some turkey. Filling my mouth I realized that the bread was stale. Dry, flaky bread and sour turkey. My nose is filled with a toxic sour turkey smell. My eyes took in the mess that was our kitchen and my ears took in the words in my head telling me to forget about it.

 I took in the sweet smell of lemongrass pouring out of a diffuser. My grandmother was obsessed with lemon. When I was younger she used to tell me that lemon is what made supermodels beautiful. I believed her. I believed everything about my grandmother. Until last year when almost everyday she was getting drunk on the back porch.

When I was 12 my brother Charlie and I were best friends. He was only a year older but we would spend days with each other. Our parents passed away when I was 5 and Charlie was 6. He was all I had and I was all he had. I’m 14 now and tomorrow marks the anniversary of my brother's death.

I had been trying to keep busy and avoid my grandmother. So far on Monday I had babysat kids from around the corner, Tuesday I had mowed people's lawns until dusk and today I helped the neighbors with construction. My life was a mess, this week was a mess. As I looked down at that sandwich I realized that it resembled so much of what I was feeling, sad, old, lonely and so miserably sour.

Chapter 2

After lunch I made my way to my room. I started to leaf through my closet, as I did when I was lonely. All the colours and the different options made me feel as if I was in the company of thousands of people. Happy vibrant people. I picked up a ruffled neon-green sundress and held it to my body. 

Staring in the mirror I told myself to think of what my brother would say. That

looks…...Skimpy. Then he’d respond to my disagreement with something like: Mills, come on your my baby sister what am I supposed to say? I started to cry just at the thought of him. The touch of his sweet voice to my ears causes sharp pains inside my fragile heart. I collapsed on the floor staring at myself in the mirror,

Tears rolled down my face, so much for keeping busy. I had never felt so drained, so lifeless. This year has been torture. Utter and sheer torture. That made the tears fall harder and before long I was sobbing on my floor, twisted in the comfort of the green dress. Tears, as sharp as daggers and more impactful than words.

I woke up in a startled daze on my floor. Then I was struck with a tidal wave of memories, sitting and crying, thinking. I peeled the green dress off of me and scurried over to check my phone. No new messages, (not like I was expecting any) and it was 5 o’clock. I needed to make sure my grandmother was in the house after sleeping for an hour. Getting up I felt refreshed but not happy.

 I shouldn’t care if my grandmother was safe or not after all she put me through but she was my only supporter- no matter how drunk. When I crept into her doorway she wasn’t lying in her bed where I’d last seen her so kept looking. She wasn’t in the kitchen or lounge. I checked the front and back porches and even the bathroom but nothing. Finally as a last effort I walked the street. And that's when I saw him.

Chapter 3

I thought he was dead, no I knew he was dead but there he was in front of me, on the street, smiling like he hadn’t missed a day. I was mad, I was furious but I was so happy. I rushed towards him and he wrapped his arms protectively around me. But he was dead! How is he alive?

When we were around 12, Char and I used to play hopscotch in the driveway while our grandma drank on the porch. In the summer we would sit in the backyard drinking virgin Pina Coladas and reading comic books. More than anything though we wanted to play at the park and ride bikes like normal kids.

We both grew up very quickly. At ten him and I would go get groceries with our child benefit tax. A year later we were paying for all of our expenses from our child benefits- the rest went to boo’s for my grandma. We never had time to really be kids.

The scariest part was the unknown. Sometimes she could get so drunk and just pass out. Sometimes though we would have to hide in our bedroom and listen to her smash things downstairs. That was when she had a bit too much. The most unknown though was if she would wake up. 

I pulled back from him and was about to say something when he shushed me. He brought me back to the house and explained everything.

Chapter 4

“Listen Emillie we don’t have a lot of time. Where is Grandma?” he said sitting nervously down on the worn out loveseat. I could only shrug because I didn’t know where. He nodded- he knew what a shrug meant. 

“Last year, my friend Falk from Ottawa asked if I wanted to come live with him and his mom- as an escape” now I just felt angry. All this time mourning a death that was fiction. He seemed rushed though so I let him continue. 

“His parents said that they would call and tell my grandmother that I had been in an accident and was no longer among the living.” My grandmother is too drunk to ever notice things like that. “And they said that if in a year it was still working out I could bring you with me.” 

Hope filled inside of me like a balloon. An escape away from no friend, no money, no food. Far away from a grandmother who cared nothing about my brother and I. I had heard Charlie talk about Falk and his family before. They were friends in grade 6,7,8 and 9 before Falk and his family moved out of Toronto. I had even met them once at an open house I was running. Falk had a Mother and Father and little sister. A family.

Before I knew it I was running down the road to a hidden car with my now alive brother. Away from everything I had ever known but never loved. As that hot sun beat down on me I realized how foolish this was but didn’t care. I needed out. And this was it.