Rain, Rain, Go Away

Is it true that if you chant, ‘Rain, Rain, go away, please come back another day,’ the rain will just… stop? I get asked that a lot. Especially on rainy days. As a Kindergarten teacher, you have to know what lies to tell and what lies to keep from the kids. Does some silly kid rhyme work? Sorry but, no. Were my parents actually just wrestling last night? Yep, that’s exactly what they were doing, nothing more. See, some things you stray away from and let them learn later in life, but others, just give it to them straight at first or they’ll grow up living a lie and when they finally figure out the truth, well damn, you just made a new enemy. So you have to be wary, on a swivel at all times, especially when it comes to kids and the truth. Because the thing is, if you tell them that a rhyme is like a magic spell and can control the weather, then they spread rhyme like a nasty disease going around. An example is ‘Rain, Rain, Go away’. Once someone had made that false acquisition and told a kid it was a crazy weather-changing song, then that kid spread the word, now parents, teachers, or just guardians of kids can't get one rainy day without that song somehow slipping out of their kid’s mouth. Trust me when I say this because I would know, for f*cks sake I’m a Kindergarten teacher. 

“Alright class, everyone grabs your crayons and color in your pictures!”

Can I ask just one simple question? How am I still a teacher? How have I not thrown my badge at the head of our school and said, “F*ck you all! Schools sh*t and I still don’t understand why I got out of school, went back to school, and became a teacher for a school when school is the last place I ever want to be!” God, just thinking about saying that to the head of our school makes me smile. I hate kids. If you couldn’t already tell, I have a strong hatred for kids. I’m very compatible and great with kids, they just make me want to shove a gun in my mouth and laugh as I pull the trigger. I know, I know, you're probably scratching your chin right now asking yourself, “Who would become a kindergarten teacher if they hate kids?! You would have to be mad to do such a thing,” well, you're right, I am mad. Madly insane. But I mainly got this job for the money, but doesn't everyone do that? Like, if you hate blood and gore, but you need good money, then why not become a doctor? It's just common sense. At least in my mind,, it is. Even if you hate the damn place, you're still going to go because you get something good out of it. Money. Lots of Money. And I'm not just an ordinary kindergarten teacher, I'm a kindergarten teacher for a really nice private school. And when I say nice, I mean like… really f*cking nice. You have to pay over twenty thousand dollars to be able to just get in for a semester. Crazy, right? Well, that's exactly why I decided to work here, because of the crazy pay you get. 

“Mr. Whitlock?”

Damn it. The kids probably noticed I was lost in my thoughts again.

“Oh, hey buddy, what's up?” I say, looking at the little kid standing before me.

“It's raining, how will we have recess?”

I looked out the windows that were on the back wall of my classroom. Rain. Lots of rain. 

“Uh, we’ll just have an… indoor recess.”

The kid nods smiles and runs off back to his desk to finish the paper he had started to color earlier. For a moment I didn't realize I was standing at my desk, so I tried scooting my chair, but soon realized I was standing by running my chair into the back of my knees, bruising the skin on my legs.

“Fudge cakes!” I yell. All the kids look up from their colored papers and just stare. A few papers looked pretty nice, neatly colored in the lines with correct colors but others were scribbled in, purple grass and green suns. 

“Sorry just uh… ran my chair into my leg. Back to work, please.” 

Almost as if it was scripted, they all look back at their papers in an in-sync movement, slowly bending their heads to face down at their papers, but still in a straight and formal sitting position. I pull the chair a bit closer to me and take a seat, glad that this time I didnt run the chair into my leg again. I look out the window, rain pouring from above, dripping onto the windows. The rains soothing. Its cold dropplets landing on your skin just makes you feel good, you know? Its like taking a nice, cold shower after a hot day of working outside. But instead of taking a shower in your bathroom, your still outsid, soaking in all the vitamin D you can get while getting soaked. I usually sit in my driveway when it rains. I tend to wear just shorts and a short sleeve shirt. No socks. No shoes. Just a top and bottom, and I let the water drown me. The rain is especially great when your a bit down in the dumps. You just need something to calm you, so ya go and sit in the rain, and almost every single time, it helps. Its natures way of telling you that everything will be all right. Thats why I like the rain so much. I like it because it lets me know, ill be ok. And all I want to ever know is if ill be ok. I look at the kids, all are coloring in their pictures. 

“Hey kiddos, ill be right back, I need to go get a drink of water, stay here and please be good.” I say, stumbling to my feet and waking out of the door. Im not suppose to leave the kids un-attended but this once will be alright. I think. I walk out into the dim hallways, rain covering every window around me. I walk down the long hall, classroom doors closed, kids learning and, teachers teaching. I step outside into the front of the school and the rain begins to soak me. It splats onto my head, my clothes, and shoes, everything. It drips down my flaky skin. It drips off of my shiny, black shoes. I stand there, taking deap breaths of the fresh, cold air. I look up at the sky and spread my arms to the side like im an airplane and I just stand there. I stand and think. Think about how everything will be alright. How things will be ok. How itll all be just fine in the end. 

“Hey!”

A voice calls form behind. I pull my amrs down and turn to face the main principle. 

“Oh, hey.” I say back. He doesnt look quite happy, but he never really does. I think he’s the type of person to have what kids call a, ‘RBF’, also known as a, ‘resting b*tch face’. 

“What the hell are you doing out here, its puring down rain and you have a class to be teaching!” 

“Sorry sir, I needed some fresh air.”

“You can get your god damn fresh air when your fired!”

Anger. My face feels hot and my hands are in fists. Im a pretty calm guy. For the most part. But when people treat me like sh*t, I lose it, because Im not a dog, im a f*cking human being. So people need to treat me like one. My fists formed into balls and my face burning hot, I yell, “Fired?! You really think I would let you fire me? HA! Hell no, dude! You know what? F*ck you all! Schools sh*t and I still don’t understand why I got out of school, went back to school to become a teacher at a schools, and started teaching for kids that I hate at a palce that I hate! So have a fabulouse day in your misuarble a$$ life and go f*ck yourself! I quit!”

A smile crawls across my face as I stare the principle who now has his mouth wide open. A few teachers are looking out at theirs doors and are staring through the windows that border the front doors. I laugh a little, then a lot, then madly. I walk back a little, just so the rain can soak me more. Two middle fingers fly up from my fists and I show them to the principle like its an award I won from being the person who gives no f*cks. 

“Ill catch ya around” I say, turning around and walking. I dont know where ill go. Maybe to my house, to the store, possibly to the gym, who knows. All I know is evrything will be alright. The rain poors on me as I slowly walk away from the one place I know ill never go back to again.