How's Your Friend?

    The break room was its usual crowded noisiness, and she did not need that. Bridget kicked open the cafeteria door since her hands were filled with lunchbox and files. It was no better out here!

“You won’t believe what Michelle just did to me.”

“We can’t hear you; the rain is too loud!” Carson shouted to her. The three coworkers knew Bridget was ranting about somebody by her scrunched face and pumping jaw. They were the only employees who enjoyed eating outside despite the weather. Rain drumming on the patio’s metal roof made the vocals strain to be heard, but the friends welcomed the storm.

Bridget made short steps in her stilettos over to the table, put down the files, and started opening her lunch. “I loathe that woman. Specifically, when she ditches me with extra work on a time crunch!” Mustard was squirted over her three corndogs, and then her curly hair got pinned back. “So, I know we all work in the same building,” an oversized bite went into her mouth, “but please say you didn’t hear me scream around eleven o’clock. Michelle is so despicable.” The others shook their heads. They hadn’t been bothered in the least by unearthly cries from Bridget.

“That’s why I like working here,” said Alicia after gulping her vinegar water. “The machinery is deafening, so I don’t have to suppress my feelings. When I’m angry or sad, I scream it out, and no one’s gonna stop me.”

“Ha!” Carson stole a fry off Alicia’s plate and shot her a brilliant smile to fend off protests. “You’ve never lifted your voice in protest. You just shrug, like saying, ‘It is what it is.’ And I hate that because it shouldn’t be. I should be in control of my life, circumstances, and what people do to me. I ain’t anybody’s pawn.”

“Says the guy taking orders from a manager for a living,” countered Alicia.

“Working for honest pay is not being a pawn. Maybe in a worldwide picture, but in my small world, this job gets me money, and money gets me education, food, a place to sleep, and video games!”

Bridget interrupted the banter by waving her second corndog over the table. She was wolfing her meal down to finish and return to work. “Guys, pay attention. It’s Michelle. She promised our executives we would inventory all eight departments and present a proposal to save space so they could make recreational areas. And then she took two weeks’ vacation! Our presentation is in three days!”

Oliver finished preparing his avocado crackers and paused to show concern. “When did Michelle drop this proposal bomb on you?”

“A week ago.”

“And when did she take off?” prompted Carson.

“That’s the worst part. She took off right after telling me!”

“Girl!” Alicia’s thermos hit the table a little too hard. “You gotta stop. Why do you let Michelle do this? You listen to me. When you see her pink high-heels coming, put your finger under her nose and say, ‘nuh-uh!’ You say, ‘I got my job, and it ain’t doing yours. If you ain’t signing my checks, I ain’t even looking your way. Do you think I’m a robot that don’t sleep and eat with unlimited time to do your work for free? Take your shame somewhere else.’ And then turn your back, so you don’t see her face because that ain’t none of your business.”

“I thought I could handle it!” defended Bridget, “That’s my reputation. People know they can depend on me.”

“People know they can take advantage of you.” Carson had finished his sandwich already and occupied his fingers by spinning his cup of water on its base’s edge. “That’s why I ask you every morning to pick up my Starbucks and doughnuts and on Mondays to grab my dry-cleaning. Because I know you won’t say no.”

Chewing on her last corndog, Bridget summoned another defense. “They’re not taking advantage of me. They know I’m a helpful co-manager. I’m kind. The world needs more kindness.”

Oliver looked out from under the bill of his ball cap. “You need kindness, Bridget.”

“I am full of kindness. I’m kind to everybody! I hold the world record for kindness second only to Mother Theresa!” Her voice cracked at the end.

Oliver tried to correct the miscommunication, “I meant that you should be the recipient of-”

Alicia interrupted with her indignation. “You need to shove the proposal through the shredder, dump it in the trash, and then dump the trash and blame on Michelle’s desk! She deserves a mountain of consequences for shirking her responsibilities onto a colleague. Don’t give me that look. We know Michelle is a lazy bail of cotton, and if you don’t stop it now, it will happen again!”

“You should talk to her, Alicia,” suggested Carson. “You’re so experienced in reaping what you sow. At least, in the department of laziness.”

“I know my flaws and yours too, but at least I don’t make empty boasts like some people we know.”

Bridget was shaking her head at her friends’ talk. They didn’t get it. “Guys, there’s no way I’m going to let Michelle ruin my reputation. So I’ll make the proposal without her, and it will be outstanding. I’ve got to be the strong one. But I have to cancel go-karts on Wednesday to do this.”

“Not again, Bridge!” Alicia protested.

“You canceled on our arcade spree last week,” Oliver muttered. He thought he would say more, only louder, but the others were doing great with the pep-talking and coaxing.

Again, Carson took over, “Like Oliver said. You stood us up for those loser elitists who conned you into covering the company’s tax evaluation!”

Oliver didn’t like remembering that. Arcades had been his suggestion, and usually, they always did what the girls or Carson wanted. So, when they praised his idea, it was the warmest feeling, but then Bridget couldn’t make it. Alicia said she would get Bridget and then called, saying she’d been involved in a car accident. The whole night had been ruined.

“Carson, that was an opportunity to make connections, and I can still use them in the future.” Bridget was hurt by her friends’ reaction to her dilemma. A possible demotion was in her future for imperfection, so they should be more understanding!

“It’s okay, Bridge. Our lives won’t stop if you miss go-karts, okay? Friends can support each other in work and fun. Do what you gotta do.”

“Thanks, Oliver.”

Carson liked that. “You speak two words, and she says thank you. Hey, if Bridget is going to skip out on go-karts, we should do something else...like commit a crime. That would really get people’s attention.”

Alicia put her hand on Carson’s shoulder. “Your stupidity stops there. Nobody wants to be associated with a criminal except other criminals; we all know criminals go to prison. Four walls with barbwire. One style of clothes and one type of food. You ain’t got privacy, no free WiFi, and you can’t choose the crowd you hang with. You got years of no pools or beaches, just the same old criminal faces. I’m not trading my career for a dictated life.”

“You are under dictatorship now,” came his weak reply.

“You always pick on the least important part of my argument, but I covered myself. This dictator I’m working for gives me paid vacation time. See, out here, I can choose who’s gonna dictate to me. Ain’t gonna be a correction officer. I ain’t no fool, and don’t you be turning into a fool either.”

“Why would you want that kind of attention, Carson?” asked Oliver.

“Because nobody pays attention when you’re good like everybody else.”

Alicia shook her head. “That don’t justify stupidity, but I feel you. You’re invisible until you mess up. Then people stare at you like you’re an alien. Like no one on Earth has ever made a mistake, and you’re the only one not right.” She glanced at her watch and stood from the table. “Well, lunch is over. See you guys tonight.”

Bridget looked up from stashing her thermos. “What’s happening tonight?”

“D&D, remember? You said Oliver never likes going anywhere, so we’ll crash at his place and eat Chinese. And he’ll eat avocado and crackers because that’s all he ever eats.”

Oliver stuffed his last two crackers in his mouth, answering, “I have food preferences.”

“Just one,” corrected Carson, and he looked to Bridget. “You’re coming, right?”

Alicia struck a pose that took no sass. “Girlfriend, I went and bought beanbag chairs because you said we needed them. So you better lock your files in that desk of yours and get your booty down to Oliver’s.”

“If you don’t come, we’re selling your chair,” threatened Carson.

Bridget was dying for a beanbag chair! “Don’t sell my chair! I’m coming! I’m a very schedule-packed person, you know that.”

“We’ll see you there!” Alicia called after her.

“I will come as Zenobia Avis, sorceress of Crowsfoot Village.” Bridget took her leave with a flourished bow.

“One day, her brain will explode from overdrive,” Carson stated. He crumpled up his trash and tossed it into a nearby can. “If she died, what would Michelle do without her?”

“She’d have to grow a brain,” muttered Alicia.

The three entered the stationary warehouse. Humming conveyor belts and forklifts put them back in work mode. Carson’s Bluetooth speaker came out of his locker, and he stole a glance at Oliver. He wished people would pay attention to him the way they gave Oliver attention when he talked. The guy was so quiet, but essentially, he and Oliver had the same ideas, so why the difference in attention? He didn’t get it.

Alicia was showing her chipper attitude as usual and in the most minor things, like putting on her feathered headband. She claimed it brought out vibes for focus and willpower, propelling her through work. I’m going to get that promotion this time, she told herself. You got this, girl. When I’m boss, everybody will be shocked that I achieved a goal! She hadn’t told her friends for fear that she wouldn’t get selected and the endeavor would be added to her list of failures.

Oliver tapped on his earbuds. It was classical guitar by a Japanese artist. He didn’t understand Japanese, but the woman’s voice calmed him. He saw Carson and Alicia share a laugh as they walked back onto the floor. I wished he could do more of that, but too often, his voice felt trapped in a cage. Understanding friendship was not the same as putting it into action.

Sometimes Carson and Alicia livened up the workplace by singing karaoke and using inanimate objects as microphones. And Bridget, though she worked on the other side of the “Great Wall,” despite her stress, she found time to say a gentle word or smile to people she passed. Gestures like those made friends and carried employees through the work hours.

* * *

Oliver smiled when he saw people touched by what his friends did. But sometimes, like now, the more he dwelled on the subject, he began to regret who he was. He didn’t touch people’s lives like that. His life was meaningless!

Am I going to pack boxes of goodies for other people for the rest of my life? It’s not like I have any goals in mind. I do too! I have dreams. I wanted to join the navy, become a cop, and be a cowboy. But I never became any of those! I know! I hate myself! I wish I would disappear or walk away, but I won’t. I can’t wait to be back in the game. My character, Justus, is so much stronger than I am. I love bringing him to life!

Oliver often held long and degrading conversations in his head, which lasted for hours at work. All he could see in the world were people excelling in their careers, traveling, and telling adventures of both horrible and funny experiences. Oliver wanted to be like those people! But he never managed to complete his goals. It was hard to figure out the steps and then take them and keep going. If only he had determination like Bridget! And Alicia had confidence despite failure, and Carson his charisma! If only!

He slammed a packet of craft paper into a box, and a coworker broke into his thoughts with a word of caution, “Careful. The paper never did anything to you.”

True. But Oliver wished the paper would do something terrible, then he could lash out. No, he wouldn’t. He took pride in his ability to keep a cool head.

* * *

At ten after six, they clocked out and were looking forward to the D&D game. In the car park, Carson volunteered to pick up Chinese food. “That way, you girls don’t find an excuse to forget about the game.”

“Whatcha trying to say?” Alicia demanded.

Well,” said Carson, “here’s Bridget: ‘Oh, my girlfriend from preschool! We had to catch up!’ Or Alicia: ‘The traffic was so slow with everybody driving in my lane. They needed to see some attitude, so I gave them all the attitude.’ You women make everything an excuse, so now I am getting the take-out, and you can go straight to Oliver’s.”

Bridget denied everything. “I don’t sound like that.”

Carson hesitated in his car, “Oliver, you want to come with me?”

“No, you can go.” He hadn’t been able to shake the depressing thoughts from in the warehouse.

“Alright, you hold them there until I get back.”

* * *

At Oliver’s house, they had the living room set up with a wooden table and golden drapes for an adventurous ambiance. He suggested that the beanbags clashed with the D&D theme, but the girls waved him off and suggested he brew coffee while they organized their characters.

Oliver poured coffee grounds, got out their D&D barrel mugs, and smiled at the girls’ laughter in the other room. But it was a sad smile, and a sudden sensation overcame him. He wasn’t their friend! They were his, but he wasn’t theirs! He could see it plain as day. In life, in action, and in speech. He didn’t have any friends! He followed them around and considered them friends, but he never made an effort to be friendly except as a gamer. He heard Carson arrive.

“Hey, guys, look what I picked up!” Whatever it was, it made the girls squeal with joy and jump around the living room. Oliver felt isolated from their carefree ways. Bridget, Alicia, and Carson had a true friendship.

He looked at the mugs and removed his. And then he walked away. The back door closed with a slight click. Part of Oliver screamed that he go back inside, but the desire was smothered with the monster of self-loathing. They were better friends than he was; he could never return such outward care.

* * *

“Oliver, do you need help?” Bridget walked into the kitchen, “Hey, where are you?”

* * *

That was years ago.

A blustering wind blew open a door, and the slam startled Oliver from his reverie. He stumbled to the door and shut it again, thinking how Carson would have bought a lock. It would be nice if there was hot Chinese food tonight. Or even crackers.

Oliver shivered and curled up on his couch, pulling his two blankets to his ears. The abandoned house was freezing, but the walls blocked the wind, at least when the door worked. He wanted to forget about the cold and remember Alicia and Bridget. And Carson, he would see they arrived on time. But the memories faded as guilt settled in. It hurt! What a fool he had been to walk away!

“I w-wish I could d-disappear.” If he had spoken up back then before the D&D game... If he had helped Bridget say no to Michelle. If he had told Alicia that she could sing. And if he had gone with Carson to get the Chinese food. But he hid. Scared to speak up, comfortable with hiding and staying in the shadows of others. He hated the cage of shadows and silence!

Oliver had seen them earlier that day, but they didn’t recognized him on the subway. He hadn’t thought he could feel any more invisible, but that moment sucker-punched him.

Oliver missed out on becoming part of their lives because he had been so aloof in his self-centered silence. They didn’t know who he was, nobody did, and he could feel that hole eating his heart.

If he could disappear forever…A strange brightness disturbed the shadows hiding his tears of self-pity and loathing.

* * *

Oliver was wrong. His friends had recognized him and backtracked to his station, tracking him to the abandoned house.

“Oliver?” called Bridget. “Oliver, it’s me, Bridget!”

“And me and Alicia,” Carson hollered. “Is he living here?”

Alicia cringed at the dirt everywhere. “Oliver, baby? Where you at?”

Oliver could hear voices from where he lay, but warm air was hitting his face, a hay field beckoned from a place with daylight, and Oliver was stirred to move toward that comfort. Crawling across his couch, Oliver found the hay beneath his hands and knees.

They saw him in the room, and then he vanished!

“Oliver!”

“Oliver, no!”

“What happened? Where did he go?”

Was somebody calling him? Impossible. No one knew where he was. Oliver uttered a cracked laugh. He didn’t know where he was either! The sun was hitting his skin, the sky was deep blue, and birds were twittering in an orchard. How was this possible?

A creature of jade-green stone suddenly loomed above him. “You have disappeared from your world. Welcome to ours.”