Undefined Fate

The first light of dawn slowly painted the sky, blending into a thin line. I knew it was working again, after figuring it out through trial and error with the Script. The teachings of Enchanted had taught me about the Lines.

“There’s a special knowledge within Enchanted,” the Warder explained, “What you have now is just the basics. Now, you’re ready to learn something new: the Lines.”

“The Lines?” I asked, curious.

“The Lines hold the stories of each person, in the practice of Enchanted, we can retrieve something from your past, this is essential for changing the outcomes,” the Warder replied.

After discovering the knowledge of Enchanted, I played with them, weaving stories and stories, using my natural gift of Words to realize different possibilities. It was exciting to uncover the truth and rewrite it, creating different truths.

However, there was one burden that I had yet to address

-—A suspended story between him and me.

***

Since the moment Asher entered my world. He is the minority I willingly open up to. I discovered him during his darkest moment, and he is one of the few who has seen me without my mask and still recognized me.

Both of us know that this world is not a perfect fit for us. I, especially, feel out of place in a world filled with bustling transportation and people seeking black-and-white answers in scientific terms. Ages, we had navigate this modern world as the best team mate.

They often think we are pair. Thought we insist we are best friends.

We share each other’s secrets, the vulnerable parts of ourselves hidden beneath the societal expectations of toughness. But there are three things I never told him:

First is my Wordweaver identity (as mentioned earlier);

Second, I secretly hope that we are pair.

Third, I always want to know what is our past life, and I am able to know that if I want.

These ideas had ignited since the day I discover THAT.

“Do you believe in destiny?” That day, Asher asked.

“I used to believe in it,” I replied, careful not to reveal the full picture due to my identity as a Wordweaver.

As someone with the ability to manipulate circumstances using magic, destiny seemed like a concept we used when we couldn’t see the bigger picture.

“Used to?” Asher caught onto my words. “You no longer believe?”

“Nah, maybe it’s just because of my age,” I shrugged. “What about you?”

“I’ve always believed in it,” he said, gazing at the horizon. The sun’s rays illuminated his face, accentuating his attractive features. The sunset felt more beautiful today as I looked out into the boundless horizon, my mind wandering.

In my heart, I silently hoped that him were what awaited me in destiny. But I didn’t continue discussing my beliefs in destiny. Instead, I was curious about Asher’s motives for asking. He always had a way of provoking thought with his questions.

“Why?” I inquired.

“Well, something doesn’t feel right,” Asher said, his expression turning uncomprehend-able. “I feel like these are the things I’ve been searching for, but somehow, it feels strange. Even after I attain them, I still feel lonely.” His tone grew melancholic.

My heart skipped a beat. “You’re referring to…?”

“My boyfriend,” he confessed.

For a moment, I thought I might have misheard something. But Asher, who was usually meticulous with his words, rarely made typos when speaking. He was the most precise person I knew when it came to language.

“When did this start?” I asked cautiously.

“We got together just last week, and you’re the first person I’m sharing this news with,” Asher replied. His eyes met my confused gaze, knowing that I struggled to find the right words to respond. He continued, “I know this probably surprises you. But I somehow feel like it’s my destiny.”

Destiny.

The weight of that word crushed my soul, anchoring my sails and leaving everything still.

“I see, that’s why you asked me about destiny.”

“It’s like a calling. I’ve always known what I wanted,” Asher explained. “I think he depicts what I'm searching for. Luckily as me, he accepts me.”

“But you don’t sound too excited,” I observed, noticing the furrow in his brow when he mentioned finding what he wanted. Whenever he reacted like this, I knew something was bothering him. “So, how is it going?”

“Not good. Something is missing,” Asher admitted. “I already have the moon. It's important. " He looked at me, and I couldn’t decipher the meaning behind his words. “But the sun, it's more making sense of why I need it. If I were to make sense of the calling, perhaps it's the warmth. ” Asher spoke in a mysterious tone. “The calling is so intense, but I’m just afraid that when I finally reach it, the sun will still be cold.”

Whenever I recall this moment, I’m amazed by my calm emotional response. I barely noticed the shift in my own feelings at that time, as contrast with how empty I feel that day onwards.

***

"About the Lines." I warder explained. “It basically compromises the present and past. You can only access your Lines, but not others. Except rare circumstances, but it’s not impossible.”

Her words pulling me back into the realm of Enchanted, I looked at the distintive high ceiling and elegant limestone soaring towards the sky, I regained my awareness from dozing off.

“I have a question,” something stumbled in my mind. I spoke for the first time.

“It must be a big question, since you never ask anything,” the Warder was surprised by my sudden interruption. As a fast learner myself, the Warder often found there is no extra explanation required.

“Can fate be changed?” I asked.

“Do you mean the consequences? Yes, they can be changed. But what is your purpose?” the Warder replied.

“In life, things often unfold in ways that go against our will,” I explained, thinking of Asher at the same time.

“Are you sure that’s really what you don’t want? We have already made choices,” the Warder questioned.

I feel a sudden guilt and sorry for the ordinary people. Unfortunately they don't know anything about the knowledge of Enchanted.

“When I use the ability of a Wordweaver, I am making choices?” I pondered.

The Warder shook her head and laughed. “When you learn more about the knowledge of Enchanted, you’ll realize that you don’t always want to change things.”

I didn’t fully understand her words, but she seemed to sense that I had something in mind. “You’ve already learned the fundamentals from the last lesson. You’ll figure it out yourself,” she said, gesturing towards the rack of books.

I picked up the red book and began to write the magic Script. Slowly, I found myself standing on the narrow line that compressed between the past and the present.

With caution, I peered into horizon, waiting for the sunset, the same sun we had watched together. As I looked at the sunset stretching towards the horizon, everything around me dissolved into an intense brightness, forming a full tube of illuminated light like feathers. I followed the feeling, like a thin thread floating in the air, leading me to the past, transcending centuries.

I felt a heaviness in my chest, hesitating to dive into the vision for fear of what it might reveal. What lies beyond our limited sight?

***

Earlier than I could mentally prepare myself, the bright ray that enveloped me slowly faded into grey. The air was filled with an unpleasant taste of combustible items before I found myself on a street lined with typical Victorian-style cobblestone buildings. Men and women dressed in outfits reminiscent of the 18th era movies populated the once bustling streets.

A young man, around his twenties, caught my attention. He was well-dressed in a monotone outfit that complemented his strong jawline, hinting at a strength of character that lay beneath the surface. From the memories, I gathered that his name was Leo. As I looked into his piercing brown eyes, filled with a mix of intensity and curiosity, it was as if they held a world of stories within them.

“Jasper,” he spoke, addressing the name that belonged to this body. I was startled and glanced at the reflection in the glass behind Leo. It showed a younger guy, around eighteen.

“I survived. ” I replied, surprised by the voice of a young man instead of my usual higher pitch. I used this sense of incongruency to resist my urge to touch Leo. And I’ve been yearning to meet you again,"

It was a strange experience as I often associated myself with the feelings and emotions of Jasper as we moved. I let my consciousness flow and fully embraced the experience of being Jasper, as it was less exhausting.

Involuntarily, I followed Jasper’s steps as we walked through the familiar streets we had known for years.'

“It’s been a lot,” Leo said, referring to the war, the separation, and the bomb he mentioned. “Where were you when I was forced to leave the state?”

Three years had felt like an eternity. All I remembered was the constant struggle to survive.

“I worked as a craftsman for a shoemaker,” I replied, glancing at his worn-out shoe. There was a shoe I had kept for him since the first day I entered the cobbler store, making a great effort to hide it from potential customers. His worn-out shoe told me a lot about what he had been through, despite his attempts to dress well.

Shoes never lie. That’s why the phrase ‘walk in someone’s shoes’ exists instead of ‘walk in someone’s clothes’. Shoes reveal a lot.

“It’s much easier to survive on Cobblestone compared to where you were. " Leo sounds pleased after hearing my response.

I feel a sense of empathetic distress. I know his life must be much more tougher than mine. "How did you get through it?”

“I don’t know what it is, but there is an Ardor within me that keeps me going every day. It gives me a sense of purpose,” I replied, looking at the musty sky.

I had a déjà vu that took me back to before ‘that time’. Before everything changed. My father used to ask us to keep looking for any signs of fighter jets. I remembered that the sky wasn’t as bright back then, before I met Leo. And now, I think I’ve found what I’ve been searching for. The Ardor.

Leo had always taught me something since he found me. My world had been entirely winter, but now I was able to look at the sun. I used to believe that the sun didn’t exist, that warmth didn’t exist. But when the sun appeared, I found the courage to live and enjoy the warmth.

As we passed by a florist’s shop, I noticed couples passing by, holding roses. I saw the calendar circling February 14th, doesn't know what it means. I couldn’t comprehend why the florist had more customers than ever today. Even the customers entering my cobbler shop were more handsome than usual.

Perhaps there was some celebration going on, but celebrations were too luxurious for me.

For me, every day was the same. But today felt different for some reason I couldn’t fully grasp. I felt my heart thumping louder, as if it was telling me that I was alive. There was something yearning to escape from my chest.

“I think I know what Ardor is,” I said something I would never say, “You are my whole world.”

Leo smiled brightly and charmingly in response. “You are my entire world too, Jasper.” he said.

The name of ‘Jasper’ wakes me.

I am Ira, not Jasper. I keep reminding myself when I get back.

I sense a intense connection between Jasper and Leo, something that is difficult to put into words. It goes beyond the clichés of roses and pink hearts.

I know Jasper had never really pondered its true meaning before, since words, is meaningless at this moment.

So Jasper is my past life? And Leo is Asher's?

I wish to get to this conclusion, but some part of me hesitated to do so.

I can’t tolerate this, I need to define something. Not only between Leo and Jasper, even 'Ira and Asher' need a definition.

“Don’t lose yourself in the past.” The Warder warned. “This isn’t the purpose of visiting the Lines”’.

“I’m not doing anything. I just want to find out whether both of us are fated.” I tried to explain myself, as I sense the alertness in the Warder’s words.

“Yes you are. But does it matter?” The Warder frowned, “People keep stumbling in wanting a definition. That’s also how both of them ended up.”

She must mean Jasper and Leo.

I narrowed my eyes. What happen to them?

Eagerly, I didn’t wait for anytime to rest and recover from the mental exhaustion, I jumped in and urge myself to enters the time where the Bond stops.

***

The snow whirled in the air, threatening to crush everything in its path. The absence of the warmth in my view mirrored Jasper’s loss.

Leo is afraid. Fear of what would turns out because he posses emotions that was unacceptable in this society. Leo escaped, he left Jasper a broken promise.

One year after Leo choose to leave this town, we receive the news of Leo’s capture in the snow with a gun shot, as he attempted to escape to another country. This rendered my(Jasper’s)world into the begining of winter. If the former is the begin of winter, this is perhaps a storm.

Remaining my awareness, I tell myself not to lose myself. However no matter how I try to dissociated with this bosy, I could still feel the cold pierced me like a sharp knife, cutting into my limbs with each gust of wind. However the agony of physical torture is way less painful than losing Leo.

I could feel the draining heat from this body. I allowed myself to lie motionless on the floor, too weak to even lift a hand, or asking for help.

He is dying, partially the circumstances but mostly his choice.

Jasper had made through 5 years of winter. but he can’t get through another one. His sun is gone.

Jasper said something, before the last traces of his life vanished from the air.

[Definition, this is not allowed between us. Our identity, who we are, we just can’t find a way to confine this.

O wish to exist in an era where what between us is acceptable. And I’ll continue to search for you. If not in the next lifetime, then perhaps a thousand years later.

I might forget who you are in the next life, or not recognize you, but I will seize any chance to find you.

We will write a new chapter. Until next time…]

Jasper is dead, one year and 30 days after Leo’s passing. I realized this when I noticed the synchronicity between their deaths and the birthday gape between me and Asher’s.

***

On the page, I write down the last word Jasper said. This is what we need for the process of Wordweaving, the magic practice. But I hesitated to proceed.

Because I found out something when I left that body.

The Bond, suppose to be a single line. Turns out with two twirling thread intertwining. It have two instead of one trace.

In the midst of this odd and sorrowful mixture, I remembered something written in the transcript.

“Not everyone will travel to their own Lines when revisiting their past life. Sometimes, a few may experience a ‘view shift,’ where they witness the memories of their counterpart instead. This is less common, but not impossible, as some souls are linked to each other.”

The vision that shows me isn’t my past life, but Asher’s.

That explains why the association I felt in this body was less contactable, but with great empathy. It felt more like viewing a mirror, rather than experiencing the memories firsthand, although the emotions were always more intense when looking in a mirror.

The same way as how you can’t distinguish when you are in a dream, but you can tell when you are awake.

Leo, the one that escape and left Jasper into this fate, resonated more with me - cool, distant, concealed, yet more fragile than ever. While what I see depicts Asher’s past.

We are not only fated, but what we called intertwine fate.

The revelation of this fact crushed my soul.

I would rather I have been Jasper.

***

In the practice of Wordweaving, I was expected to take the pen and plot out what happens for the remaining of the story.

But I made another decision.

The Warder notice my action. Her rise signified that she tried to stop me at first. Then she noticed my shift, and choose to remain silence at the moment. Her expression stated: 'My smart student always found the answer.'

If words have spells, may this works.

I freed the fire, let the page burn.

I looked at the the flames danced and consumed the agony, erasing the memories and emotions that were once written on its surface.

It was a painful sight, knowing that something precious was being lost forever. As the flames grew brighter, the sorrow transformed into a bittersweet feeling of liberation.

I sang a farewell. Recognizing this might broke the link between me and Asher, but I just want to set him free.

Until then..

About Ira and Asher, we don’t need a definition.

It’s all there, in the memories we shared and created.

Thanks for finding me.