Loving Someone is the Biggest Secret

There's this boy. Or, at least, there was this boy. We knew each other since 3rd grade. He was only older than me by a few months. When we both turned 12, we were in the same Sunday school class along with a few other kids. I was constantly bullied by them for whatever reason. But he was always there to defend me or make me feel better. Even at school, I knew he always had my back. We didn't have to hang out all the time to know that we cared about the other person and that we would always be there for each other.

Of course, I was horribly awkward and shy and have mental problems that keep me from interacting what's socially normal. When we were in 8th grade, a friend convinced me that he had a crush on me like I did him. So that night over facebook I asked. He said yes and I told him I liked him too. But that all went down the hold the very next day because he hardly ever talked to me after that.

Once we got into high school, he wasn't so weird. He went back to his normal self, but I moved to a different neighborhood, so that meant a different church. We didn't see each other as much except whatever classes we had together. I'm sure he forgot all about what I said when we were kids.

Our senior year came around and I got the courage to ask him to the Sadie Hawkins Dance. He couldn't go. That was the end of that. Then a couple days after graduation, I wanted to tell him how I felt. But, I knew I would probably never see him again. So I just told him he would always be my friend and he would always be special to me. He said the same. And we kept talking over Facebook for a few months. Then when I moved to college we stopped talking and I never heard from him again.

After going to school for two years, I moved back home. I was hanging out with my cousin one night and she told me he had died in a motorcycle crash a couple days earlier. I lost it. It felt like my heart had been ripped out. I regretted never telling him that my childhood crush never ended. I should have told him how much I loved him. That....is the biggest secret you can ever keep from someone you love. Is not telling them that you love them.