It Doesn't Matter How it Starts

I’ve never noticed before how green the park was. I’d never noticed just how many greens there were. I’m amazed at how many shades my human eyes can perceive. The evening light caressing the top of the trees creates a lemon green, a shadow of the bright yellow rays shining on them. As you look down, millions of greens exist within each branch, within each leaf, from the joyous yellow crown upon the top of the trees, to the swampy dark green lurking below. 

Strange. 

My intention for coming to this park was not to assess the spectrum of colors. What was my intention? 

I guess she was right, I was so easily distracted by things, I never could focus on one thing for too long, but what fun exists in using my whole magnificent, amazing brain, to focus on one measly item? There’s a bird overhead, I do not see it, but I can hear it’s cry, it’s shriek piercing the warm stagnant air. I see the sky above, becoming a beautiful pink, as the warm, blazing, glorious sun leaves it. I hear crickets, beginning their nightly performance, I am their audience to their mysterious music. I hear a dog barking somewhere in the distance, I smell cleanly cut grass, I feel the air drop one degree as the sun falls, I see beauty, I see calm, I see everything. How could I focus on just one thing, when an orchestra of sensation plays around me?  

This is not why I came here. I came here to… Ah! I remember, I came here to-

Hey! 

She could’ve said “excuse me” or “look out, i’m sprinting at six a clock in the evening, and you’re taking up the one space I just have to run through, even though there is five feet of space beside you!” I should’ve said something, too late now, she’s probably in Canada already. I never understood the zeal of running. Why would someone voluntarily suffer the pain of breathing fire, having your heart beat at your ribs like a hammer, and pound your feet against the ground until all that remains is a writhing mass of pain? I see the appeal if someone was chasing you, well, I guess it depends on who they are, unless this person was an absolute murderer, or someone about to stab me with a rusty spoon, I would not let them give chase. Maybe even if they were a murderer… Running, or being killed… You know I may prefer the murder, it would cause less pain. Darn, this is not what I’m supposed to be thinking about. The sky has already turned purple, she’ll be expecting my answer. 

My darling Annie, she is like the sky. She drew me in like the brilliant blue of midday, and knowing her longer has just made her more beautiful. As the sky turns from orange to pink to purple, so I have watched her grow and become more beautiful with time. Now, like the expanse of stars above me, so her mysteries beckon me to draw closer and find shapes in the madness. 

I’ve been so foolish. I remember now why I came here, I remember by resentment. Why? Why did she do it? I was supposed to do it, I had the plans I had set the date, that I was going to get down on one knee, and ask my beautiful, darling, wonderful Annie to be mine. But she had taken that from me, the one who holds my whole heart has sucked it completely dry of it’s joy.

I guess that’s not true. I know I’m being dramatic. I should’ve been overjoyed that she wanted to marry me. That she got down on one of her perfect, little knees and proposed. I am. I am happy. I am happy. I am.

But i’m not. 

She stole my moment. I’m the man, I wanted to propose. I know I'm being male chauvinistic but I can’t help it. I loved Annie the moment I saw her, the moment she smiled at me with her big buck teeth in the fifth grade, crinkling her freckles and showing me her dimple on the left side of her face. I knew. I had it planned from that day. I was going to get a good job, I was going to save up and buy the perfect ring, for my perfect girl, I was going to take her to the beach we came to as kids. I was going to put a note in a bottle, “find it” while walking with her, and then get down on one of my big, rough knees, and ask her to be mine. And she would’ve said yes and we’d have kissed right there in front of the pacific with seagulls and surfers cheering us on. I had it planned Annie! I resent her for taking my plan from me, I resent her for taking my dream away, I resent her for-

Ah!

Gosh darn crack in the sidewalk, now I ripped a hole in the knee of my pants.

I guess I deserve this, I have no right to resent Annie. I love her more than anything, if anyone else were thinking the things I was just thinking of her, I’d knock their teeth out. Well, I’d try to, I may even give chase to them. Wow. I really do love her. I would willingly run after anyone who insults her. Me! Imagine that, that would be a sight to see, the person I’m chasing would probably punch themselves out of pity for the sorry sight they see trying to chase them. 

I’ve made such a fool of myself, I left Annie on her beautiful little knee. I left her to walk this park, and feel sorry for myself that I didn’t get to propose. I get to marry her for goodness sake! I should be overjoyed! And I am now, this was her dream, maybe she had her own plan starting from when she saw my checkered teeth and crooked nose in the fifth grade. Annie wants to marry me! It doesn’t matter how it starts, I’m going to spend the rest of my life with the most amazing girl in the world!

Goodbye purple sky, goodbye birds above, goodbye all you greens, and you crazy runners! Next time I see you, I’ll be here with my wife!