Seeing The Silver Lining

Warning: Includes Topic of death

She was the kind of woman who preferred grape juice over apple, she was the kind of woman that danced to music she didn't even like, the kind of woman whose eyes flickered like an amber candle melting gold, always so full of wonder, even for things she had seen a million times over. She found meaning in the little details, details that I wouldn't bother taking a second glance at. I remember when I visited her, she would always squish her face into the polished glass of the window, a ghost like vapor materializing onto the clear surface from each one of her steady breaths. "See all those clouds up there?" She would swoon "All sorts of different shapes and sizes, that one looks like a dog, and that one resembles a rooster with a silly hat!" Her soft voice would drift off into a giggle as she pointed out at all the different comical shapes she saw in the sky. I was blind to her point of view though, when I looked up into the baby blue hue, filled with screeching birds, and a blinding sun, the clouds only looked gray and meaningless, a potential rainstorm. After every visit I would go home, and stay up long into the night trying to find the importance of the things she saw in the sky, but I never could figure it out.

That was until I visited her on a stormy day in June, the sky was dark, like the world was a canvas and the artist had knocked his coffee onto it. The clouds were barely visible, not a glimmer of sunshine, yet she still pressed her delicate little face into the window, and said in a cheery voice "I see a black cat sneaking around in the sky!" I remember at that moment a feeling of bitterness overwhelmed me, still not being able to understand her unstoppable positivity, or why the things she saw in the clouds mattered. "It's not pretty outside, it's gloomy and dark, why do you still feel the need to do this?" My tone was dripping with clear and obvious annoyance, but even still, I felt the warmth of her feeble hand gently grabbing mine in a way that physically told me everything was okay. She looked at me, with those same flaky gold amber eyes that always had so much to say, and smiled, "Every single cloud has a silver lining." And that's all she said, and that's all that needed to be said. For the rest of the visit we sat staring out of the rain soaked window, watching the storm clouds slowly pass.

It would be one month later when I would walk into her hospital room, but she wouldn't be gazing out at the clouds, or holding my hand, or even staring at me with those wonderful honey glazed eyes I've come to love. She had been sick for quite some time, and it's hard to say realistically if she lost or won the battle, but as I stood in the empty room where the intensity of her presence still felt like it resided, I knew she would of had some cheery exposition about how it's okay that she's not around now, and how she's finally at peace and I need to look at the positives, that was just so like her. She was always the one comforting me, even when she was the one suffering the most.

I was trapped inside my room, the sheets on the bed cradled my heavy body, the blankets felt like arms were pulling me into the firmness of the mattress that permitted me from getting up. The days had gone on as usual, the cars outside passed by my house, and as my ears were flooded with the sound of their purring engines, I would feel Envious. Envious of the simple fact that they were even able to be out there, not having their happy memories stripped away from them and replaced with ones that only brought a heavy feeling of misery in their hearts. I rolled onto my side, and felt the covers drape off of me as my body searched for a comfortable position. From the curtains a slice of sunlight peeked through and lit up a streak of gold on the messy bedding, I felt a familiar warmth on my hand, a comforting embrace that I had never thought I'd feel again, It made my skin tingle like heaven itself was caressing my palm. I opened my eyes, expecting to see her tranquil face staring down at me, but she wasn't there. I glanced at where I thought I had felt her touch, and noticed my skin was being kissed by the natural light that pooled in from the window, Dust particles danced around in it, almost looking like glitter. After an eternity of not being there, after it felt like her presence was permanently taken away, she had come back, in a form that was still so beautiful and still represented her.

I freed myself from the tangled arms that wrapped around my torso, attempting to pull me back into my prison. I felt my feet make contact with the shag carpeting that I had forgotten was beneath me. "Every cloud has a silver lining," those words boomeranged around inside my head, and as I grabbed the lush silken curtains intensely between my fingers, they only grew louder. They opened like the wings of a bird taking flight, cloth doors to the outside view. Light and warmth flooded my room, almost making me feel like I might drown in it. It was- no, she was hugging me, squeezing me in her arms. I saw her hazel eyes in the sun, her alacrity in the sky, and her smile in the clouds. She was painted above the world so delicately. In that moment an unintelligible emotion washed over me, and my cheeks grew wet with liquid crystals. Even though she's gone, she still showed me the silver linings in the clouds.