Forever Dark

It shook me to my core. I had learnt a new skill that day, out of fear, but a skill nonetheless. I had no idea such an event would leave me in such a bereft state. I had no idea it’d strike me this persistently. Well, it was in my accountability as to what had happened. Yes, I went inside the preserve and perhaps I might’ve provoked the beast a little. It began in the wild life arena. You might have seen the title I have given to this encounter and you will figure out why sooner or later.

I had seen so many things already. I’ve seen lions, tigers, cheetahs, any animal you can think of and to be honest, I am surprised an animal could do such a thing to me. I, cautiously, entered the preserve, cautiously because I was afraid that I wouldn’t get the opportunity to be eaten by the dinosaurs. Lions, dinosaurs, same thing. Nevertheless, entering was the provocative of my time there. What could’ve happened? I never would’ve thought something this bad would happen. That was my first mistake. “Forever dark.” Now you know why.

I was near the lion preserve where the tour guide was arrogantly striding around, presenting the display to the people who followed him like sheep. Well, for me, I was stubborn at that time and absolutely despised it when people tried to force me to do something so I took it upon myself to roam around looking for something that would really catch my eye. I had stumbled across the tiger area. The label read ‘Mean, vicious tigers. They will bite your head off so don’t go too close! Beware’ but I knew that they just write that to get more people interested. I entered the stated area; that was my second mistake.

Now this area was faulty and sometimes would stop working. The animals were restrained fully but there was an incident a few decades ago with the animals getting out and killing people. A whole massacre. Heads loose and minds blown. One of the best stories I’ve ever heard. They added new electric wires to keep the tigers away. Must be fun, right? I came closer to said tigers and it was amusing, mocking and provoking the tigers because they couldn’t do anything back. I know, I know, childish. What other word would you use to describe a child? As fun as it was for the first hour, it began to get dark and I was getting bored of the immense cats so I began to go home. I was strolling out when my incompetent self decided to spend a few moments before my depart sticking my tongue out at the tigers. And so we arrive at my third mistake.

It was great fun but what happened next was terrifying. After I had stuck my tongue out with great pride. I admit, I have no regret about that but I came across my untied shoelaces. The thing is, I came across it when it was a bit too late. While the shoe lace finds shelter under my shoe, I spring forward as my mind splatters around the preserve. I sprung forward. And in front of me was the fence. The electrified fence. The seconds stretched into minutes and I had no idea what to do. 

Until those seconds ended.

With a thud, I hit the fence. Rattling and shaking, the fence came into contact with me and in no less to a second I collapsed to the ground. In shock, I realise the fence wasn’t working. I wasn’t electrocuted. How relieved I was to hear that! Until I looked at the tiger. Wiping the rubble off of my shirt, my hand stopped around my navel. The tiger had given me a concerning look and that is when I realised. The most doom-struck moment in my life. If the electricity in the fence had stopped working, the tigers could escape… 

Hesitantly, the tiger came closer and closer to the fence. My face was adjacent to the fence, as were the tigers. The only thing that kept us apart was the unelectrified gate. It lifted its paw at the fence reluctantly. It soon came into contact with the fence and realised it was off. They were now certain. Now, I couldn’t see his face properly but I had a feeling that under all that face, it let out an enormous smirk. A smirk, knowing that he would be able to put me down once and for all.

Those few seconds I had to survive were the most pain-inducing moments I’ve ever had to live through. Considering my demonic past, that truly is saying something. After my mother’s death, I had no choice but to mourn and let go. However, despite my attempts to move on, a part of me always stayed attached to the angel that left me that night, at 3:00 am. It was this night, eight years ago, that my life changed forever. The night my mother lay on the ground as her soul leaves her eyes, a crater replacing her heart. Forever dark. Now you know why.

Three tigers came together and tore the fence apart, as if it was a feather. Two of the beasts held the fence, as the last of the tigers approached my face. Two beasts of nature, face to face, eye to eye. It opened its mouth in the beginning of what seems to be grief-stricken horror. My eyes were full of pride. I was proud of such moments. The amusement on my face made me seem powerful. I was no longer inferior to the tiger. 

For the last time, I taunted them, hoping they would end my short-lived life quickly. Sending a look of sheer terror, the tiger ran away. Sprinted back to the cage. The two tigers reattached the fence and ran to the corner of the sanctuary. The last tiger came up to the fence, touching it. Brushing off the electric buzz that wafted from the fence into the tiger in the air, it gave one last look at me. And fled off into the distance. I had… won. Or at least I believed I did. And that was my fourth and final mistake that I made; believing I won.

Perhaps, I was strong-willed enough to keep the tigers away, or maybe I was just too stubborn to let it go. But after that night, I realised something. Something that left me bereft. Something I couldn’t explain. Something impossible. The tiger wasn’t the one messing with me that day. That whole day I decided to indulge into battle with something more fearful. A being that knows everything about me and how to make me crack. It wasn’t the encounter that scared me, it was another thing. Something that left me shrouded in the darkness. The seclusion of light. Forever dark. The one thing that terrified me to my core was...

It was me.