Just Relax, Everything Is Going to Be Fine

TW: panic attack

“Just relax. Everything is going to be fine.” 

“You don’t know that” I huffed, sitting on the blue sofa in front of me. I sank into it, and allowed myself to be swallowed in. Nothing about this situation was going to be fine. 

“I know it” Bradley soothes, but I’m not interested in hearing anything else he had to say. He takes a seat next to me much to my dismay.

“And how do you know it?” I ask him, scooting as far away from him as I can. He shakes his head, scooting closer to me, my body pressed up against the arm of the chair. 

“You just have to trust me, Em” he practically whispers, and I feel a chill tickle down my spine. Why did I let him talk me into things so easily? “You trust me, don’t you?” He asks, looking a little offended. I knew he was doing this on purpose; he knew how to play on my emotions. 

“Yeah… I trust you” I whispered, closing my eyes. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I didn’t want to believe it was happening. But here we were, sitting on the couch, waiting. 

“Then? There you go. Just relax. Everything is going to be fine” he repeats what he said when the situation first began. 

I blew out a breath, and closed my eyes, trying to calm myself down. I took note of my heart rate, which felt like it was at least double its normal speed. My breathing was shallow and quick, anxiety was clearly flowing through me. 

“Let’s talk about something else” Bradley suggests, seeing my anxiety level rise. I nod my head, unable to form any words. Instead, I just wait for him continue. If there was anything Brad was great at, was filling in silence. 

“The Habs won last night” were the first words out of his mouth. 

“The who did what now?” I ask him, looking at him like he was speaking a foreign language. 

“The Habs. You know, Montreal canadiens?” He asks, and I of course shake my head. What the heck were they? 

“I have no idea what the hell you’re talking about” I crack a small grin, and I can tell he’s happy my mind is beginning to wander. 

“Hockey team? Playing in the finals?” He tries to jog my memory. I reply with simply a shrug, and he sighs, exasperated. 

“Nope. Sorry” I say with a slight smirk. 

“Seriously? Come on! You know it’s my favourite team I don’t know how-”

“I’m joking! Calm down” I laugh, laying my head on his shoulder. “Well, good. Think they’ll come back and win?” I ask him, and now it’s his turn to shrug. 

“Doubt it. But makes for good TV the longer it goes on” he states, kissing the top of my forehead. “Speaking of, did the new episode come out?” 

“Not until Tuesday’s, it’s Monday” I remind him, and am greeted with a groan. 

“Seriously!? My god, what else could go wrong today!?” He makes the mistake of saying, and I feel the anxiety rise once more. “Shit- no, no, no- forget I said anything” he backtracks, but it’s too late. 

My breathing increases along with my heart rate. I’m forced to take my head off his shoulder and stand up, feeling myself gasping for air. I can tell I’m on the verge on a panic attack, so as fast as I can I bolt out of the room, hearing him shout behind me. 

I open the front door, collapsing on the front porch, tears stinging my eyes. Brad comes up behind me, and begins to rub my back, the way he knows I like whenever I find myself with severe panic. 

“Talk to me” he mumbles gently, still rubbing my back. I close my eyes and try to concentrate on my breathing. In. Out. In. Out. I had been through this routine so many times I hardly need to think about it. 

“Sorry” I found myself apologizing, and he quickly dismisses me, as he often does. 

“You have nothing to apologize for, always remember that” he says, and judging by the look on his face, he feels guilty about this whole situation. 

Before I have the chance to answer, we hear the familiar noise of his phone’s timer go off. It was the timer I was dreading; easily the longest few minutes of my life. 

“Are you ready?” He asks, and I think he already knows the answer. I shake my head no, and he smiles at me encouragingly. “We’ll do it together” his words are of relief to me, as he helps me get up from the front porch. 

As we made our way back to the living room, so many thoughts began to swirl through my mind. Maybe this wouldn’t be such a bad thing, I think to myself. Bradley was the most amazing person. Though he could be a bit of a shit, he was caring, understanding, and most importantly, was always willing to learn to help me cope with my panic attacks. 

I gripped his hand a little bit tighter, and he squeezed my hand back in reassurance. 

He turns to me, holding both my hands in his. 

“Do you want to look? Or should I?” 

I took a moment to think about it. Did I want to be the one? Did I want him to be the one? 

“It should be me” I tell him, biting my lip. I go to the bathroom, and grab the rest off of the countertop. With a quick look in the mirror, I look at myself as I peer uneasily at the result. 

I walk out of the bathroom, my face calm, my breathing easy. 

“Well?” He asks, his face uneasy. 

“Tell me again” I whisper. 

“Just relax, everything is going to be fine”

With a smile, I turn the test around to show him the news. 

“Everything is going to be fine” I mumble, as he pulls me in for a hug. 

“Everything is going to be fine” he repeats, clinging onto me and kissing the top of my head.