For a Change

Bob and Mandy both would have agreed, had they talked about it, that their relationship needed to change for the better. As they both sat on the couch in her apartment waiting for the new year to arrive, the two of them both vowed to themselves that they would do whatever was necessary to effect such a change. If it stayed the same, both would want to say to the other, “It is not you. It’s me.” Neither wanted to blame the other for how the relationship was failing, so they each came up with a separate and hopefully success strategy for improving it, one that required the one with the strategy to change his or her behaviour.

Late Morning.- January 1

           Bob and Mandy woke up at about the same time, relatively early in terms of their previous New Years. Covid 19 was a factor in that, but it was not the only one. They had gone to bed, and soon had at least appeared to fall asleep a few minutes after twelve o’clock. It was nine o’clock in the morning when they both arose and got dressed. Mandy made porridge, as was their tradition for this morning. But the situation was new in that while eating their breakfast, neither of them spoke more than a few throwaway words related to the porridge and to eating.

           When they had finished, instead of getting up, as he usually would, Bob remained seated and began to talk. “You know, this was the tenth New Years day in a row that we have spent together. That means a lot to me. I feel a little choked up.” 

Tears appeared.  Mandy could not remember ever seeing Bob cry before, although he looked really near to it once, when his favourite hockey team was beaten out of the playoffs, after winning the first two games.

           Mandy did not respond right away. And her response was not in words, but in gesture. She reached out to Bob and grasped his hand in a firmer grip than Bob thought that she had. Their hands were together for about two or three minutes. At that point, Bob cleared his throat and said, “You know. I really appreciate what you just did right then. That means a lot to me.”

They both then stood up and cleared the bowls away silently. They were in emotionally foreign territory.

Valentine’s Day

           It was Valentine’s Day. Usually they would exchange bland cards with hearts on them, and eat a lot of chocolate. But this year’s version would be different. They did give each other cards, but Bob’s was something else again. The card itself was kind of gushy, rather than his usual jokey, but there was more to the strangeness to it than that. When Mandy opened up the card, several pages of fancy light blue writing paper dropped out. When she picked up the paper, she saw that each page was filled with writing. It was more a handwritten magazine than a card. 

           Without saying anything, she sat down and read through each line, every page. It was repetitive with certain key words – LOVE being the main one, all in caps and in red ink while the rest of his treatise was in black. He even used the word LOVELY, but in a positive way, rather than the years of sarcasm that he had poured onto that word during the time they had spent together. Rain on a picnic date was “lovely”. Going to see her parents was “lovely, just lovely.”

           How should she respond? Should she respond? “Ow”, she said, trying to disguise where the pain was by grabbing her knee. She told Bob that it was her knee, she had fallen earlier in the day, and it had twinged. She didn’t want him to know that it was really her tongue that was in pain. Then she said a simple “Thank you for the lovely card.” She successfully managed not to put stress on the word “lovely.” Then she gave him a big hug. No words were said from her, just from him – profuse and mushy thanks.

His Birthday

           It was March 20^th, his birthday. She got him a joke card, which she simply signed with no romantic elaboration, and a practical present. Her giving these to him was a response to his question, “What LOVELY gift have you got for me, my LOVE?” They went out to dinner at his favourite pub. In previous years, they had gone to a fancy restaurant, which she wasn’t sure that he liked, although he didn’t say anything about it. 

When they sat down at their table, Mandy did not think that she should embarrass him by telling his buddies that were there that it was his birthday. She got a sense that he wanted her to say something, but she was going to keep to her New Year’s resolution. ‘Keep quiet, don’t dominate the conversation, and don’t embarrass him by showing too much emotion.”

A Change in the Change

           It was the next day, Saturday, so they were both at home, not at work. Mandy started the conversation, something that she had not done in quite a while. “You know Bob, it is kind of weird you talking so much, especially about your emotions. I have to say that it is starting to creep me out. It just isn’t you. And the words LOVE and LOVELY (the two words being said with some emphasis), are beginning to become really annoying.”

           Bob took his time. “I feel that same way about you being so silent, not commenting on what I say or do, or saying how such affect you emotionally. I feel like you are being silent but deadly. I imagine that there is going to be some kind of emotional explosion coming. I made a New Year’s resolution to show and express my emotions. I thought that you were beginning to think of me as unemotional, and too cold. I thought that was why our relationship was just coasting.”

           Mandy replied. “I think that we both made a New Year’s resolution to be different than we had been. That shows that we care about the relationship, which, of course is a very good thing. However, I think that we now need to cut back on the resolutions a bit.  I think that we have to change the change, and meet each other halfway. Don’t you think that would be LOVELY?”

           Bob replied, “I think that that would be simply LOVELY, my LOVE. Simply LOVELY.” This time it was said with the sarcasm that he had always used before he made his resolution.

           Still, when all was considered, Mandy felt that their relationship had grown. And she hoped that he would be a little more open in expressing his emotions, not a lot, but a little. And he hoped that she wouldn’t dominate the conversation quite so much as she had before her resolution, and not always express what she was feeling at the time.. Halfway was a good way for their relationship. Because in that way they could go all the way to a long lasting relationship.