Undercover Grandpa

Written in response to: Write a story about a character who’s secretly nobility.... view prompt

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Funny Fiction Happy

A.N. The main character, Taylor, was made by Wolf Warrior. Go check her out! And the side character, Brandon, was made by Juliette Ainsworth. Also go check her out! And if you'd like a character in one of my stories, fill out the form in my bio.

Taylor absolutely hated going to her Grandpa’s house. All he did was work on the house. The plumbing had issues and he pretended to fix it all the time. The air conditioning didn’t work, so the summers were so hot and the winters were cold.

But there was no other place for Taylor to go. Well, there was only one other place. And she’d made that mistake years ago.

Her parents knew she didn’t like going to his house. They didn’t either. He made awkward small talk and always cooked meatloaf that tasted like it came out of a can.

The only other place she could go was helping out at the daycare. She went once, thinking absolutely anything could be better than staying at her Grandpa’s. She was wrong.

If you think crying, pooping, puking, nose-picking babies is better than staying with a boring, meatloaf cooking Grandpa, you are wrong. Very very wrong.

Taylor had to change a diaper. She had to get thrown up on by little baby Bobby who was sick. She was getting bit at by baby Trina who was teething. And she had to deal with toddler Toddy or Little Booger, as Taylor called him, throwing tantrums because he didn’t want to share his toys.

That was a hard time. So now, Taylor will go to her Grandpa’s instead of the daycare.

Taylor’s family’s little red car lurched to a stop in front of her Grandpa’s little faded beige cottage. The grass was overgrown and brown, the gutters were full and it showed leaves sticking out from the top, it looked like some kid had toilet papered his house and he had never thought to clean it up. It was strung all around and since the rain the day before, it looked like a big soggy mess.

Grandpa awaited Taylor in the window. He smiled and waved.Β 

Taylor pouted and looked at her parents with puppy dog eyes. β€œAre you sure they won’t allow a sweet thirteen year old to come with you to the opera?” She asked.

Her mother raised an eyebrow. β€œSince when do you like opera? Yesterday you were teasing your father and I for liking it!”

β€œAs of now, I am completely in love with the opera. Isn’t one of the shows β€˜Hamilton’? Or what about. . . I don’t know. . . β€˜The Lion King’?” She guessed.

β€œI’m surprised you even know one of them.” Her father said, running a hand through his rough brown hair.

β€œAnd no,” Her mother chimed in. β€œβ€˜The Lion King’ is not an opera. It’s a musical.”

β€œSame thing!” I laughed.

β€œNo, not the same thing. Now go!”

Taylor knew there was no way to get out of this so she opened the car door and waved goodbye to her parents.

They drove off, exhaust blowing from the little red car engine.

Taylor walked on the curvy stone path that led to her Grandpa’s cottage. She knocked on the oak door twice and Grandpa rushed to the door to greet her.

β€œTaylor!” He exclaimed, pulling her into one of the tightest hugs she’d ever been in.

On top of his bald head sat a white toupe. He had a long, shaggy white beard that Taylor liked to braid when she was little. He reeked of his meatloaf. He wore a long brown robe and big brown slippers. He wasn't your average Grandpa. He was much more boring and weird.

β€œHi Gramps.” I said, sulking.

β€œWhat’s wrong?” He asked, handing me a tissue. It was used.Β 

I struggled to put on a smile and act like everything was fine. β€œOh nothing! I’m just a little sad that I don’t have anything to do! I didn’t bring coloring books like I used to.”

β€œOh, well. I didn’t keep your old ones. I threw them out or I made a fire out of β€˜em. I don’t really know.”

I never cared for them but I acted sad because he was the one who bought them for me. β€œAww, now what will we do? I guess you’ll have to drop me off with Mom and Dad. . .”

He thought about it and then put on a smile. β€œI’d never do that to my granddaughter! We can go to the park! Or what about we go outside and-”

Right as Grandpa was about to finish his sentence, there was a knock at the door.

Grandpa rushed over to get it, expecting a package to arrive. He’d bought some stuff to fix the plumbing and air conditioning. To Taylor, it was normal. He bought stuff like that every day. It’s like throwing money away.

But the package is not what’s at the door. Taylor is confused but Grandpa has a smile on his face.

A boy, about average height was standing at the door with a platter of M&M cookies in his hand. Mm, Taylor’s favorite. He had disheveled black hair and deep, rich eyes like the soil. His skin was fair and he had freckles sprinkled about. He was wearing a black coat in the middle of Summer. Taylor thought that was strange.

β€œHello, Mr. Tom.” The boy greeted Taylor’s grandfather and handed him the platter of cookies gingerly. His gaze shifted to Taylor. He tipped his hat. β€œHello, Miss. . .”

β€œOh!” Grandpa said, pushing Taylor forward. β€œThis is Taylor, my granddaughter. Taylor, this is Brandon Matthews. He’s been helping with the garden and the plumbing because I’m gettin’ old. Can’t do the things I used to be able to.”

Taylor gave a slight wave. β€œHello Brandon.”

He waved back and flashed a white grin.

Grandpa invited him inside for a cookie and tea and they all sat on the couch.

β€œWould you like to hear a story?” Grandpa asked, taking a careful sip of the hot mint tea.

Taylor thought about saying β€œNO!” because she’d heard each and every one and they were pretty much all the same. But would that be something polite to do in front of Brandon? Taylor kept her mouth shut.

β€œSure, Mr. Tom.” Brandon said as he took a big bite of his cookie.

β€œPlease, call me Tom.” Grandpa corrected. β€œAnd for the story, I call it β€˜Undercover Grandpa’.”

Taylor was surprised at the name of his story. She’d never heard this before.

β€œDid you know I’m part of the nobility? Or used to be, I should say. I’m a knight! Working for the Queen Of Hearts.” He was about to launch into the story when Brandon interrupted.Β 

β€œHow much sugar have you had lately? How much coffee did you have?” He asked. β€œI’m sorry, Tom, but this is just absurd.”

Grandpa looked at Brandon and clicked his tongue to the roof of his mouth. β€œJust listen and you’ll understand. Do not underestimate your average Grandpa.” He said, wiggling his eyebrows.

Taylor and Brandon giggled.

β€œAs I was saying. I was working for the Queen of Hearts. She used to be alive, but then she died. It was a tragic accident, really. They say one of her dogs may have killed her. They were rats, horrible, horrible, rats.” He paused. β€œBut I know it was Mr. Ramon, the janitor. I swear he always stood in the corner with his big blue mop, teasing me. And he always had this sly grin on his face. And he was in the room with Ms. Hearts when she died. As well as some of the maids, her dogs, and her daughter, Velia.”

β€œWere any proven guilty?” Taylor asked.

β€œThe dogs had no comment so they were proven guilty.” He said with a sigh.Β 

Brandon leaned over to Taylor so he could whisper in her ear. β€œI think your grandfather really did have too much coffee.”

β€œOk!” Grandpa said. β€œOn with the story. I was working for the Queen of Hearts, guarding her. I was a knight! I stood outside her bedroom door throughout night and day. And one day, she needed my help. Badly.” He stopped again for dramatic effect but it wasn’t very dramatic. β€œI heard a shrill scream. Like this. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!”

Grandpa’s loud, unnecessary, shrill scream caused Brandon and Taylor to really think he’d had too much coffee and sugar.

β€œMaybe we should get you to bed, Grandpa.” Taylor suggested.

β€œNo, no no.” He declined. β€œLet’s finish the story first.”

Taylor sighed but let Grandpa continue.Β 

β€œSo,” He went on. β€œI opened the door and found the janitor holding a knife to her neck. I blinked, and he was back to cleaning. I went to go check to see if she was okay, and she had me take the janitor to the dungeons right away.”

β€œIs there a backup janitor? One who’s nice?” Taylor clarified.

β€œNo, so we had to hire one. He had brown shaggy hair and big blue eyes. He looked mean. And when I say mean, I mean mean. And his name was Mr. Ramon.” He paused yet again for dramatic effect.

β€œIsn’t that who you thought killed the Queen of Hearts?” Brandon asked, referring to earlier in the story.

β€œYes!” He exclaimed. β€œFinally, someone who believes my story!”

Brandon stuttered. β€œNo-n-no. I don’t necessarily agree with you, sir.” But Grandpa didn't listen. He just kept dancing away.Β 

He stopped. β€œI did eventually get him in jail. I guess the court was fed up with me and decided to put him in jail. If I were him, I’d be mad.”

β€œGrandpa?” Taylor asked.

β€œYes?” He said, as he took a sip of the cool tea.

β€œWhat exactly is the moral of the story here?” She asked.

β€œThere is none.” He replied, deadpan.

β€œSo this was just a big waste of time?” Brandon asked.

β€œPretty much.” He said.

β€œGramps,” Taylor started as she got up from the floor and walked over to her Grandpa who was sitting in the tattered recliner. β€œWe should get you to bed. I think you’ve had just a teensy bit too much coffee.”

He gasped. β€œI’ve only had seventeen cups today! I haven’t had my twentieth yet. After that, I promise to go to bed.”

Taylor was skeptical. She ended up having to drag him like a baby all the way to his bed.

But before Taylor was about to go out of his room, Grandpa whispered. β€œTaylor. I’ve already had sixty-four cups of coffee!”

Taylor definitely did not think her Grandpa was boring still. But he was one heck of a Grandpa. And he was definitely crazy.

August 12, 2021 14:23

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41 comments

Annalisa D.
13:45 Aug 13, 2021

I enjoyed reading your story. The grandpa was a fun and interesting character and I think Taylor seems very relatable.

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Thanks Annalisa, for taking the time to leave a nice comment. :)

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Dhwani Jain
13:13 Aug 13, 2021

Haha! Crazy Gandpa!!! I like it! I do have one critique: You switched the POVs from third person to first person quite abruptly and switched back just as abruptly. Rest, all's well, except this: HOW CAN A PERSON SLEEP AFTER 64 CUPS OF COFFEE?!?! HOW CAN A PERSON DRINK 64 CUPS OF COFFEE?!?!

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Thanks Dhwani! Oh ok, sometimes I get confused writing third person. I need to stick to first person, or go back and edit. It's not supposed to switch. Remember how he's a crazy Grandpa? Maybe that's how he sleeps. It's like a superpower! Or maybe he doesn't sleep. I don't know. If you want me to edit my story and explain it, please tell me! I really want to improve!

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Dhwani Jain
13:20 Aug 13, 2021

Welcome! Yeah, I think switching back to third person will be good for this story as 98% of it is in that POV. Yeah. No there's no need to edit the story for that, 'cause iT mAkEs YoU tHiNk.....

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:D Ok! :) lol!! I am literally laughing so hard right now.

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Dhwani Jain
13:24 Aug 13, 2021

Yeah, I think I might have just quoted Wolf Warrior in that last line.

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Yeah, Wolfie is really funny!

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By the way! Just finished sending the email-form-thingamajig so I can read the chapters!

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Keya J.
02:41 Aug 13, 2021

64 cups!!! Oh, come on. Damn, Bella, this is a hit. It seriously found me laughing hard at few points, I couldn't stop reading. There were no punctuation or grammar mistakes as such, so hey! You completely rocked it. I love each and every one of your stories, and this too did not drag down my expectations. Best Line: He looked mean. And when I say mean, I mean mean. This one was good, reminds me of Rick Riordan.

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Hey Keya! I am so so so happy you enjoyed this story. Yay, no punctuation or grammar mistakes! That's a win! I also love all your stories! Especially "Gimme the mic!" and "It Was Her". You rocked those! :D I'm glad it didn't drag down your expectations. I have more stories coming!! I also liked that line. It was fun to write the word 'mean' again and again and again. To be compared to Rick Riordan?!?! Oh my gosh, thank you! That made my day! Happy happy happy writing, Keya!

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23:51 Aug 26, 2021

Good job

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I really don't love this story so it's good to hear you like it!!

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Esther :)
16:19 Aug 16, 2021

LOL!!! The Grandpa was hilarious! Good job! Please tell me you are for SOKEEFE! Pls. Also, good form it was fun to fill out!

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Thank you! I am for SOKEEFE!!!!! lol Yay! I saw your answer! I have A LOT of answers in that form right now that I haven't used, so hopefully I'll get to yours in the next story or so! I'll tag you when I'm at it. Thanks, Esther! :D

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Esther :)
16:42 Aug 16, 2021

Okay! Thanks! YASSSSSSSSSSS. SOKEEFE

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Kendall Defoe
03:08 Aug 13, 2021

Brilliant, Bella! I need a cup now...

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thanks! lol, go get one!

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TJ Squared
15:00 Aug 12, 2021

Cute story lol. The dialogue did seem a bit rushed, but other than that, great job :D You write good family stories as well :))

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Thanks, Wolfie. (Can I call you that, lol?) I've noticed a lot of people are saying that about the dialogue. I can work on that. ;D. Thanks, family stories are fun to write and you can relate to them as well. Thanks!

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TJ Squared
16:14 Aug 12, 2021

Sure why not lol most everyone else does as well lol There's always room for improvement ;) yeah :D

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Haha, thanks Wolfie. :) yep! :) :D

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TJ Squared
16:21 Aug 12, 2021

lol :)))

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Eric D.
20:15 Sep 12, 2021

Grandpa gives no F-word. I like the story it was funny the interactions with taylor and grandpa being ridiculous.

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