Good News Travels Fast

Well, you know what they say, “Good news travels fast.” But I’m here to share with you that that is a lie. I wish it were true that only the good news was shared but on the contrary, usually it’s the worst news. The news that you would do anything to keep hidden in the depths of the deepest darkest sea-- like in the Mariana Trench-- that you wouldn’t even dare tell to your best friend for fear of being judged. That’s the news that travels the fastest. And that’s the news that is now all over town. Now I’m sitting here, crouched down behind a dumpster hiding from everyone because somehow, it’s out there. They all know. But how could they have heard so soon? I hate when that happens. Did she tell? I told her not to say anything to anyone! I hear familiar voices getting closer, soon to reveal my desperate hiding place. I got up and started running to her house, my cheeks warm and my lungs burning from the cold air but that doesn’t slow me down. I have to know. I have to find out if my secret-- that was supposed to be safe-- was unleashed by the one person I told. The one person I learned to trust in this wretched little Mayberry wanna be town. All of a sudden, I froze. My stomach cramped and I began to lose my footing. Does he know? Has he heard yet? Please no. I just need a chance to explain. I begin to feel nauseated. I don’t know where to go first. Do I go to her? Try to find him? I have no idea where he is. I remember him telling me he had a meeting with some big college representative but I don’t remember when. Maybe there’s a chance he doesn’t know yet. This ounce of hope helps me decide to keep going in my current direction. By the time I reached her house she was already waiting at the door. The look of regret, sadness, and remorse on her face. I couldn’t believe it. How could she? Who did she even tell that the word was able to get around that fast? And then it hit me. Olive. Mrs. Olive Wilson. She has a tendency to get things out of people. Fort Knox has nothing on her. But Marie also can’t hide her feelings. She wears her heart on her sleeve. It wasn’t really fair of me to make her keep something so big to herself. How could I be mad? But it’s still not right. She promised. My mind begins racing to try and come up with a plan. How can I explain to him why he didn’t hear from me? How can I tell him that I made such a huge decision without his input or advice? An abortion is no small decision. But I just couldn’t face anyone if they found out we were going to have a baby. We’re only in the 10th grade afterall. We had no business trying to raise a baby. Plus my dad would have died had he found out. I just couldn’t let him down like that. Not now. Not after all he’s been through with my brother. What other solution did I have? My mind went back to Matt. I hope he listens to me before he jumps into “fix it” mode. I hope he doesn’t break up with me. I know how much it would devastate him to know I did this. I love him and I do want to marry him and have his children someday. But not now. We have so much ahead of us and he has already been offered scholarships and a full ride to his dream school. How could I throw it all away. No, I couldn’t let him do that. I know he would give it up for me but that’s selfish.

All of these thoughts rushed through my mind in what seemed like a few seconds. I didn’t have much time and Marie had to get back to school before her parents found out we ditched. Everything is such a mess. She tried to talk me out of it, she even offered to pray for me but I needed a solution right now, not whenever God decided to maybe come through. I wish I would have thought through these things that night. Before he told me he loved me. Before he looked at me that way, and held me. Where were these rational thoughts that night? I made the decision and with Marie crying next to me, I signed the waiver, and stepped into the room. I blacked out from the pain and woke up sometime later. It was done. Marie hugged me, prayed for me and took me home. I don’t know what I would have done without her. 

I told my dad I would be back later. I went out to get some fresh air but as soon as I walked into a store for something small to eat, I heard the whispers and saw the looks of judgment from a few women finishing their daily grocery shopping. I rushed outside and tried to find a hiding place. Flash forward to Marie’s house. She tried to explain herself but I just couldn’t listen. She said she was so upset that she came home from school early and as she was trying to go inside Mrs. Wilson saw her and asked what was wrong. She used her sweet, “I really care” tone to draw the secret from Marie’s weeping lips. I should have known not to bring her into this. I know they both care about me but they just don’t understand. They’ve never been with someone like Matt. They don’t understand loss. Not like me. I looked down at my phone and my heart sank. It was him. Probably calling to tell me some great news he received at his meeting. Or calling to break up with me because he heard mine. I couldn’t bear to answer. I knew the minute I heard his voice I would tear up and then I’d have to tell him. I wanted to tell him in person, not over the phone. I ignored the call and texted him to tell him to meet me in our spot. The one where it all happened that night. If he had to hear this, I wanted it to at least be in a place where we were comfortable and safe. The instant he saw my face he knew something was wrong. No words were spoken. He gently brushed the hair from my face, kissed my cheek, and gave me a hug. He knew. I don’t know who told him but the weight of having to speak those words was lifted and instead of regret, I was filled with peace. He whispered, “I forgive you.” For once I was glad that this news had traveled so fast.