Houston We Have a Problem

Houston We Have a Problem

Jeff Merrywell watched as the technician from Meet Your Mate.com took out his m2Phone and texted to that site on Mars ,

“Houston we have a problem.”

It was an ancient saying that had survived decades of use and meant, of course, a snag in a system. And that worried Jeff because he was wondering what was wrong.

Jeff was a gold digger; one of the dare-devil young men who had rushed to the planet when it was discovered in 2070 that gold could be found under the layer of the planet’s hard and rocky surface.

He was 21 when he landed on the red planet and after three years of hard work, he was rich enough to get a partner from Meet Your Mate; an online service that helped men find a companion on the planet.

Jeff was the quintessential nerd with the face and demeanor that suited his shyness. The irony of it all was the fact that women were scarce on the planet in the first place. That’s why he had turned to an online service where he could see images of the companions that were available. And that’s when he saw Anita. It was love at first sight, and when he finally met her, he was enchanted. She was slim, smart and sexy; a beautiful example of a woman if there ever was one.

He knew that some people might think he was odd. Well, screw them, he mused. These things had been going through his mind as he glanced at Anita who sat in the corner of their MarsPod - an inflated ‘house’ that kept its oxygen level the same as it was on earth.

His thoughts were interrupted as the technician said, “Mister Merrywell, I can’t promise that this will be acceptable to MYM.”

Jeff just nodded and answered, “Ok, just get on with it.”

The technician nodded in turn and said, “I can give you their answer tomorrow. In the meantime, have a good day.”

With that, Jeff escorted the man out the door of the MarsPod and then turned to Anita who had been listening intently to their conversation.

“What was that all about?” she asked.

Jeff brushed his hair back with his hand. “I don’t really know” he answered.

They both laughed at that as she walked over to him in that slinky way of hers. He smiled. Her body was just as slim and sexy as the day he met her. Her skin was soft and silky, her eyes as blue as the sky on earth. Jeff considered himself a lucky man since he was homely and he knew it.

But Anita never seemed to notice. She always told him that he was one of the handsomest men on Mars. And she proved that she meant it time and time again in their bed.

Jeff took her hand as they walked up to one of portholes of the MarsPod. The sun was setting in the distance and it light up the sky as it slipped down behind the rocky mountains miles away from them.

He looked back at her and marveled at the fact that she was so beautiful. And of course, he knew why, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered but their staying together and with that, they made for the bedroom with his arm around her waist.

The next day the technician arrived as promised. Jeff and Anita stood waiting for him and before they could say anything, the technician said to Jeff, “Can I speak to you alone sir?”

“Sure” Jeff answered. He glanced at Anita and she softly walked away.

Once alone with each other, the technician started to speak. “As you know sir, when you signed up with us you agreed to our policy of Planned Obsolescence.

He smiled condescendingly and continued, “In other words, although our products look, feel, and think like a real person, we have to remember that in the end they are just robots.

“That said,” He went on. “ Although Anita is one of our most expensive robots she can no longer be serviced since there are no more parts to that model anymore.”

Jeff bowed his head for a moment then raised it and said, “And so?”

The technician looked startled. “But don’t you understand, Mister Merrywell, that if anything goes wrong with her system, Anita can no longer be fixed, so in essence she will be totally obsolete.”

The technician went on to say, “So Mister Merrywell, we urge you to buy our latest model, Gloria, before that happens. “

“Look, you don't understand,” Jeff said. “ I love Anita. To me she’s human. Better than human! She loves me back. She’s reliable, a great cook, a wonder in bed. What more could I ask for?”

The young technical finally gave up.

“Okay sir, but now I have to remind you of the law up here. Any robot who is obsolete must be thrown into a local incinerator .”

“ Who the hell endorsed that law?”

“I don’t know myself,” the technician shrugged. “I think it has something to do with not leaving toxic waste littering the planet.”

Jeff slowly moved his head back and forth in annoyance as they walked into the kitchen.

Anita looked at them sadly and Jeff guessed she knew that something bad was going to happen. But at that moment, Jeff suddenly took the technician’s arm and escorted him back to where they were talking before.

“Listen” he said to the man. “ Can’t you just tell them that you watched me throw Anita into a incinerator?”

The technician replied “Oh no Sir, that would be illegal and on top of that, I would lose my job. I wouldn't do that for the world!”

Jeff walked over to a large safe and opened the heavy door. There were packs and packs of $1,000.00 bills Inside.

“Would you do it for a million dollars?” he asked.

The technician stood wide-eyed and open-mouthed. And when he found his voice, he said, “I will tell Houston that the problem has been solved.”

The End