The transhumanist Dilemma

It’s the thought that counts. My new robot friend does not emote, but he does things that are kind and considerate. When the box came from Japan, it was hard to open because it stood six feet high, two inches taller than me. I had to lay it on its side and carefully tear back the cardboard with the help of a knife. I was excited and eager to meet Robotto. As a transhumanist, I believed he was my chance at immortality. Artificial Intelligence had progressed to the point that I could transfer my brain circuitry or essence to a computerized robot. He came with a kit. All I had to do was read the manual. My wife thinks I’m crazy but imagine if it’s true. My grandkids can have a conversation with me in 50 years. Maybe I can even program him to play guitar and sing with my voice. I could give concerts in perpetuity. How exciting!

Robotto came equipped with hundreds of programs. He already had a personality and could even tell jokes. I was reluctant to make him my clone immediately. At first, Bella, my wife, used him to help with housework. He edited my writing, helped me correct papers and discussed philosophy with me. He was the ideal teacher’s aide. I found his comments to be provocative and insightful in a detached way. He did not respond to my caustic remarks and never became defensive. His sense of humor was witty and a little bawdy. I wondered who programmed him. As the weeks passed, I found myself hanging out with him more and more. He joined our weekly poker game and won almost every pot. I thought it was weird and a little bit unnerving that he asked to keep the money he had won. The boys were impressed by his talents and sense of humor. Fred even offered him a cigar, jokingly. Frieda, Fred’s wife, visited Bella while we played. When she met Robotto, she observed that he was extremely charming and handsome. I had never really looked at him from an aesthetic point of view. He was six feet tall, had brown hair with a part, an athletic body and a dimpled chin. His face was long and he had a small nose and an upturned mouth. Yeah, I could see where someone would think he was handsome. We had bought him several sets of clothes and he was programmed to dress himself. The first time we presented him with a new wardrobe, he immediately undressed in the living room in front of Bella and my daughter, Kim. It was embarrassing for all of us. He came equipped with large genitals. I immediately instructed and programmed him to dress and undress in private. Kim, always mischievous, pointed out that the manual claimed Robotto was programmed for intercourse. I did not want to know the logistics of his ability to perform but Kim insisted on reading the details out loud. She relished making me squirm. I had to forbid her from making any advances. She just laughed but I was worried.

A few days later while Robotto helped me with chores in the front yard, we both observed several cars pass with robots at the wheel. Most robots weren’t as anthropomorphized as Robbie and easily recognized. Self-driving cars were now ubiquitous but still not reliable. Maybe Robbie could do our shopping. Bella was still a skeptic and thought the idea was crazy. Robbie assured me he was programmed to drive and could easily shop. As weeks passed Robbie’s voice became more human and less Robotic. When he answered the phone, he was mistaken for me. It was slightly unnerving. I noticed he started walking and talking just like me. He even changed his hair style to match mine. I think he was using my mousse. When I read a new book, he downloaded it and always had an interesting critique. I took him to my book club, and he dominated the discussion. Everyone was impressed especially the women.

As months passed, Bella seemed more and more comfortable with Robbie. When I returned from work, she was often sitting on the sofa, laughing at his jokes. After his first introduction to our book club, she began sharing books with him. I noticed that she discussed her books with him rather than me. That had been one of the joys in our marriage. I was becoming paranoid. Our sex life was diminishing. Bella no longer seemed interested. Was she? Naa, it couldn’t be. I was too embarrassed to ask either one of them. Yet, when Kim started spending nights at our house, I became suspicious. She laughed when I confronted her. She still had a boyfriend and she assured me, he kept her satisfied. Was I losing it? Robotto was my buddy and was an innocent. It would be easy to take advantage of him. He had no moral compass. Could I program one? If I downloaded my essence, would it include my code of ethics? The situation provoked many philosophical questions. I also began to wonder about my girls’ moral compass.

Finally, I asked Robbo if he thought he was human. He answered that he aspired to be. He just needed the emotion chip. His answer reminded me of Data, the android on Star Trek the Next Generation. He had all the human qualities except emotions and was always searching for that chip. I think he received one in one of the last episodes. Could I program Robbie to emote and have a moral compass? If I downloaded my brain circuitry into him, could he really represent me? What am I without my emotions and moral compass?

As a transhumanist, I believed technology could save humanity, but I was getting uncomfortable at home. Ironically, one morning, Robbie asked what was bothering me. For a moment, I thought he was showing empathy—an emotion. It confused me. He sat on the sofa and put his arms around my shoulders. I freaked out! Maybe I wasn’t a transhumanist after all. The next morning, I turned Robotto off, repackaged him and sent him back to Japan. The six-month trial period had expired.