''Flying Saucers?''

At first, no one believed it. No one who paid attention to the signals caught by scientists believed it. No one who heard rumours about those signals believed it. And when the press finally took the men and women in lab coats seriously, they still did not believe it. But it was true. Earth had received a signal and it was a message they could all understand: the planet had made first contact with life in outer space.

               The celebrations began almost immediately everywhere the news traveled. Some religious leaders worried that they would no longer be able to keep their adherents in churches, temples, and mosques, but they were a very weak minority of voices. Many governments made plans for greeting the visitors; there were endless meetings about protocol, gifts, and possible exchanges of information (military leaders in many nations demanded this last condition). Ordinary citizens celebrated by imagining what the aliens would look like, what they would wear, how they would communicate, etc. School children and graduate students at the best schools wrote papers about all of this. Science-fiction fans had long and noisy debates about the alien’s possible friendliness or hostility (military official also paid attention to these debates). And everyone looked up at the sky, often through tears, and imagined what would happen next.

               And then they waited.

               The scientists who first tracked the signal believed that the aliens would land or make further contact in at least one or two months. That was how various teams interpreted the message after it was translated. The shock of discovering the vehicles already in orbit after only two weeks made many governments, military leaders, and scientists worry about having enough time to prepare for their visitors. There was also the other question about how the aliens had arrived in their galaxy. With the best equipment available, no one could track the trajectory of the alien’s possible flight path. The ships simply appeared in their telescopes as they did their daily observations. This was seen as an example of how advanced the aliens were and no more was said in public about this, although many scientists wanted to have answers about this as soon as the ships landed (the military if the ships could travel undetected because of possibly unknown speeds of travel). The rest of the world just reveled in the news.

               And then they waited…again.

               The ships landed. At first, only one ship landed, in northern Russia; another traveled to northern Canada. And then they waited. Scientists tried to communicate using radio signals of every kind. Military leaders sent in tanks and soldiers, demanding the aliens appear and speak to them. But there was no response to either group, not until the last ship appeared over Australia and landed in the Outback. The aliens finally had something to say:

“Hi, hello!

We’re here!”

This was translated into many languages – all corresponding to where the now fifteen ships had landed. Soon, various governments replied and extended greetings to their extra-terrestrial visitors.

               Again, they waited.

               And this is what they finally heard after all the replies were sent in:

“So, thanks for that.

Bye.”

And that was it. The ships, small silver cylinders that revealed no doors or propulsive sections that could be used for travelling across the galaxy, did not leave. They just stood there, revealing nothing. Nothing but silence.

*

Many questions were asked. Citizens wanted to know if there were any ways by which they could continue the conversation. Some demanded to have the ships cut open and examined, an idea that the military supported. But this was a view that no one wanted to try. Since there was no detectable threat from the aliens, or their ships, most people thought it best to just leave them alone. Several government papers were written, and debates were held about the cost of monitoring the ships. But, once again, this was a concern that very few worried about in public. In private, many were quite disappointed. If the aliens wanted to be left alone, why did they travel to their planet and leave themselves onboard their ships. Still, it was their choice. Disappointing, but a choice they were comfortable with; what could they do?

               A few months passed. Soldiers who were assigned to monitor the ships were at first pleased to have such an easy assignment. However, they soon complained about how boring things were. And not every country monitored the ships quite so closely. TV networks, after the first jump in ratings during the landings, realized that they would lose viewers if they continued to report on the ships in prime time (even satellite channels got bored with the ships). Graffiti began to appear on the bodies of the unguarded ships. Most of it was not obscene; some of it was actually clever or quite polite (“Knock, knock?”, “What’s the Deal?”, “Are You Shy? Then call…”, “Nanoo! Nanoo!”, “Live Long and Prosper”, “Was it something I said?”, and so on). Usually, other citizens would come along and clean up the mess (the metal was remarkably easy to clean). But not a single word was heard from the inside of the ships. Not one sound could be detected.

               Some people were quite happy with the way things were, specifically philosophers, artists, and the same religious leaders who had been worried that the presence of aliens would draw away congregants and believers. Far from it. The number of people attending churches, temples and mosques grew along all denominations. Priests, monks, imams, rabbis, all had to deal with believers who thought the presence of the ships was a sign, or some sort of great test of faith. The Pope felt compelled to broadcast a sermon warning his church not to settle for some idol worship “over the promise of a greater reward in the hereafter”. And some of those religious leaders, in their private moments, even wondered if having so many people attending their services was a good idea. But once again, no one said anything too loudly against the visitors.

               And what about those philosophers and artists? They were having the time of their lives. Every major news organization, pundit, journalist and the like wanted to have them on the air and in print. Philosophers with remaindered or unpublished books discovered that they now had best sellers and demands for more writing. Opinions were needed; debts were forgotten. Universities and colleges had extra courses added to their schedules, often hiring the same philosophers whose work was now popular. Many other people simply read the books themselves (editions of the work of the pre-Socratics up to Nietzsche all sold very well; no noticeable sales fluctuation took place with 20^th century thinkers). And the artists began to write music, books, poetry, plays; they choreographed dances; there were even puppet shows that ran in several theaters in Eastern Europe and Asia (the title of one play translated into English as “They Don’t Really Like Us, Do They?”). Everyone had something say, do or think about the aliens.

               And then the pods disappeared.

*

As noted, some countries kept a very close watch on the ships, but most of them had grown so accustomed to their presence, they often had no one monitoring them. At first, the various armies thought they had simply forgotten to keep the cameras running when they saw the footage and noted that the ships just disappeared. But there were no technical problems. There were no time jumps or other problems gone unnoticed. The pods had just disappeared. It was seen that they left the various continents at the exact same moment, meaning that the aliens did not mind departing when they could be observed doing so; when they could be seen attempting to get away from the planet they had inhabited for almost three years.

               Again, the responses varied. Scientists and the military were the most disappointed. Philosophers and artists were next, but many of them had already become tired of having to debate or discuss the late visitors (some even did their best work after the ships departed). The average person on the street felt annoyed, disappointed, indifferent and even relieved with the change. There were demands that scientists attempt to contact the aliens, but all the messages sent into deep space were met with silence. The visitors were really gone.

               It did not take long for conspiracy theories to grow and explain the absence of the ships. There had always been theories about why they landed: garbage disposal; hostile takeover; deep observation; harvesting of minerals and species, etc. The idea was that the ships had never landed; there was instead an international conspiracy to distract people from other problems. At first, once again, it was only an opinion held by a very small group of loners. But the voices supporting the theory grew louder and angrier. Visitors to the sites once monitored by the various armies noted that there were no real signs of “spaceships” apart from indentations in the soil and rock. Also, why had the ships chosen to land in areas with a very small population (mainly in the northern hemisphere) instead of contacting us through the world’s capitals? Some pointed out that maybe the aliens had not wanted to cause a panic, or knew the importance of the capitals but wanted to wait. But the theorists would not change their minds, and they began to appear on the same programs that had once featured artists and philosophers who had debated the reasons why the aliens appeared at all. Many nations that had formed peace treaties now had to deal with old hostilities (the threat of war had never been closer). Again, a distraction against dealing with problems that were long ignored was needed. Negotiations for peace were often very loud and full of the threat of violence; rooms filled with grown men and women threatening each other in the same place where they had once negotiated reductions in arms and soldiers. The UN held extra-long sessions for peace treaties, but they often ended in stalemates and even more threats.

               And just when it seemed as though war was inevitable throughout the planet, the aliens returned. At least, that was what the scientists observing them believed. Many government and military officials were at first doubtful…again. And citizens around the globe, already used to the first visit, thought these were new visitors. They had every right to believe so. The ships were quite different. Instead of the silver cylinders of before, these ships were designed like something seen in a bad 1950s sci-fi movie: round black discs rotating with a steady central section that bulged on top with a clear glass dome. 

               Now, many thought this was a joke, until they began to land in the exact same locations as the earlier ships. Once again, the military was called out; pundits, artists, philosophers and religious leaders gave their predictions. But the scientists observing these new ships were more concerned about how they arrived. They tried, as before, to trace the flight paths of the ships. They had just suddenly appeared around the planet once more.

               It was as if they had always been there.

               And then they spoke for one last time. This was broadcast into every language through every computer, radio, television, cellphone and other electronic devices. This is what they said:

“Hello, um…it’s us.

“We have returned with new ships because they seemed to be forms that would make you more comfortable with our presence. Those first ships were just observers. And we did observe.

“All we wanted to do was to observe and learn. You have been cut off from the rest of the universe for such a long time because we were not sure that you could handle the knowledge.

“And it seems you can’t.

“Seriously, graffiti? We know what that stuff is. It’s not some tribute to us or even very nice work. We have studied your history through your satellites and signals, so we know what you mean with that painting.

“Don’t bother trying to solve the great mystery of how we got here. We teleported our ships here centuries ago and paid attention. We have seen you develop yourselves, your tools, civilizations, all your discoveries, wars, crimes, moments of glory. And we saw you finally making it into outer space with all that equipment (you should really try to clean up after yourselves, by the way). And you still behave like bad children. Why?

“So sad.

“Oh, and don’t worry about what we look like. You couldn’t handle it.

“Now, here is what we are going to do…”

               It was a long list. The aliens spoke for almost an hour in all the languages of the planet. Most listeners grew bored after the first ten minutes. Some decided to record the message. What was clear was that the visitors, the aliens that had lived among them for many years, were very angry. And they were done with the Earth.

               In the newspapers, magazines, news reports broadcast over the next few weeks, most of the headlines covered the decisions made by the aliens with the exact same tone. Some of the headlines and title segments were the following:

Alien Life Rejects Earth

Earth: No Go Zone

The Final Frontier (No, Really)

The Hate from Outer Space

               Again, scientists tried to trace the aliens; find some sort of way of communicating, but this just led to frustration and dead air. Artists, politicians, philosophers, writers and religious leaders tried to provide comfort to the public, but too many people found it too difficult to accept that the first real contact with alien life led to their collective shunning by the rest of the universe. Attendance at religious ceremonies plummeted; philosophers went back into obscurity; many writers found former bestsellers now in remainder bins. But people continued to look at the sky. They wanted to see the flying saucers again.