Courageously Her

Skye and her daughter, Moriah, pulled up to the school as the bell rang. It had been a difficult morning. Her daughter had been taking much longer than usual to get her uniform and school books together.

As an eleven year old, Moriah was expected to have more of a handle on these things, which is what had irritated her mother. Skye wore it well, refusing to raise her voice at the child and knowing that it would not help. Moriah being on the spectrum as well, meant she was sensitive to conflict and excessive noise only escalated the drama. When the stress settles in, the minds of both mother and the child would become confused, basic tasks would become confusing and problem solving felt nearly impossible. Today especially, as it was the first day at Moriah's new school, in a new neighbourhood.

Her mother knew about the anxiety that grew in her child, and was trying to help her as best she could. Despite her efforts to ease the situation, the resemblance between the pair stood out like a sore thumb. They didn't always handle it well.

"Alright, Moriah. I will see you here after school, okay?"

Skye looked across at her little girl, who hadn't moved from the passenger seat. She began to notice that the child had began stimming, tugging and teasing strands of her long, blonde hair. This was a tell to Moriah's anxiety setting in.

"..... I'll be here at three o'clock. On the dot."

"Do you promise?"

Seeing the tears running down the girl's cheeks, her mother's heart broke for her. Pulling Moriah close, she began to comfort her, allowing the time for her child to calm down.

Skye still remembered her own childhood. The vivid memory was both a blessing and a curse in her mind, as she often found herself feeling inwardly critical about her past. Whether it be recalling what someone had said to her, or moments where she had misunderstood and offended someone. At other times, she had been painted as something other than what she was, due to her challenges in social situations. Making friends was, at the very least, complicated. She was deeply emotional, yet witheld so much from those around her as a means to appear agreeable. Like many young girls on the autism spectrum, Skye's various masks would act in an attempt to shield her flaws and uniqueness from the world....a world that she would ever feel disconnected from.

Something that had been playing on her mind was the amount of friends that she had been introduced to throughout Moriah's schooling. There had been very few party invitations in recent years. No phone calls asking if her daughter could come by for a sleepover, which Skye believed would be the bane of her existence eventually. In fact, she couldn't remember the last time Moriah had even asked a friend over to do homework.

All their extended family that Moriah was close to and the neighbours that once we're dear to them were no longer a five minute walk away. Now that they had moved to a new town, that meant that the transition, however practical in Skye's mind, would be difficult for her child to process.

Seeing her own little girl having bad days, like today, only encouraged the thought that perhaps Moriah and her mother were indeed going to remain in this struggle together. Skye knew that the only way that Moriah was going to thrive and be happy in her life is if she accepted herself and all her quirky ways.

"Darling, I know you are scared..." She said gently, brushing her daughter's hair. "But are you sure that you're scared of meeting new people?"

Moriah looked up at her mother with her big brown eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"I believe," Skye began. "That you are more scared of showing people just how special you truly are. It's going to be hard, but once you learn to love yourself you might find that change.... it can be a good thing. That's how we learn and grow into the best version of ourselves."

"Mum, how do I love myself? I'm not pretty or smart. People look at me like I'm crazy!"

"You need to be courageous, my love."

"Courageous?"

"It means, when things look or sound scary, you pick yourself up and keep going anyway. Loving yourself is a brave thing to do. Even your Mum has trouble loving herself some days. It may take a little while to get it, but it's all going to be okay."

After a few more moments, the tears had dried and Moriah had stopped trembling. Skye let her go, encouraging her one last time.

"I love you, okay? Be brave, be safe. Maybe after school we can go window shopping."

"Can we?" Her daughter's eyes lit up.

Skye smiled warmly, "Sure. Now don't let anything get in your way, baby girl."

"I will try. Love you Mum." Moriah jumped down from the car and ran off to class. Skye didn't pull out from the car park until she was out of sight. She felt proud, even though she was unsure of whether the girl had understood what she had said. She knew that one day she would look back and remember, that she would come to understand she can be happy with who she is. One day, Moriah may know what it is to thrive and live courageously.

Courageously her.