Canis Familiaris

        I knew from the very first moment I saw you - you had to be mine. I called out to you, and you turned and noticed me. That room was so cold and filled with concrete and metal. I couldn’t be the loudest, though I tried. Instead, I wiggled as hard as I could up against the chain link. As soon as I heard your voice, my tail wagged. I couldn’t stop it. That’s when I picked you. I knew first and then you knew.

You pointed at me and said, “Him, he’s the one. That’s my dog.”

        When you first brought me home I was so scared I pooped on the floor. You laughed and your giggles made me wiggle. You scooped me up and cradled me in your arms. Back then I was small enough that you could tuck me underneath your neck. It was warm and soft and I could hear your heartbeat.

You taught me so much; how to sit and stay, half of roll over (I’ll get it someday), that we don’t potty on the floor, that spiders are scary and lemons are yucky. You taught me not to tug on the leash, or bully the neighborhood porcupine. Fine, okay I learned that one the hard way. But you taught me the real important stuff. You taught me love. Out of all the stuff you’ve given me, and I apologize for tearing most of it up, your love has been my favorite.

        Love is such a funny feeling, don’t you think? It’s the way your feet smell when you’re sleeping and I’m curled up, splayed out among your legs. That’s my favorite smell to wake up to in the morning. Sleeping next to you, that’s the best place to sleep. I like the way you twitch in your dreams.

         Love is yummy like the treats you hand out, but better. It kind of floats inside you like the bubbles you blow and have me chase around the yard. Love is strutting down the sidewalk with you on the other end of my leash. I’m always so proud to show you off. I have to bark to keep the other dogs away.

        Love is the jumpies I get when you finally walk through that door every night. It is knowing that when we travel far out into the forest, not to tread too far from you, even if there are squirrels to be chased. I have to stay close, because you’re where I want to be. Love is all that. It’s what I feel when you’re beside me.

        We’ve spent years together and so much has changed. We moved out of that first apartment where I’d chase the mice along the floor. That was so much fun. Why did we leave that place again? The next place was bigger, but lacking in mice. Instead, there was that guy that didn’t quite smell right. He’d pat me and I’d pretend to like him because you told me to, but I could always feel my hair prick up when he was around. I don’t know why you cried so much when he left, but I was right there beside you. We snuggled on the couch for days. I was careful to clean up your potato chip crumbs and lick the melting ice cream drips off your lips.

        It took a few days, but we were back to our old adventures. We spent our days in the sunshine at the park, watching scary movies, and trips to the pet store. You grew happier and I loved the new little crinkles around your eyes. They reminded me of the little white hairs that were growing on my nose.

        Other things changed too. When the new guy came around, I didn’t have to pretend to like him. He is an expert ball thrower and he always sneaks me extra treats. Then came the house. It was okay but that yard - I zoomed around that big yard for days. With the house came the little dog, who likes to bark. She barks all day, at the mailman, at the squirrels, at the leaves moving on the sidewalk. I don’t blame her for barking at the black dragon that spins in circles and sucks air through its teeth. Vacuum, that’s what you call it. I still stare in wonder at your bravery and mastery of the dragon as I huddle on the couch.

        Despite the dragon, and the yapper, and the much too big of a house, you started to smell like joy again. That made me happy. I can’t say how much time has passed. I just mark the sunsets as I lay out in the sun on the porch, your feet burrowing into my fur as you and the man rock on the swing. Years have passed and time has worn us both down, but you’re still my very best friend. 

        Now we’re here at the funny place. It smells like every kind of animal I can think of and they hand out treats but when you’re not watching they’ll prick you with a needle. Or worse, they’ll stick something in your bum. You can’t trust anyone here. I can tell you’re nervous any time we come to the funny place so I stay close to you. I don’t like when you’re scared and I certainly don’t want you to get poked by their needles.

        It hurts to stand too long, so I have to lay back down. I groan as my belly sags to the floor. I keep my eyes on you though. I might be tired but I promise there won’t be any needle pricking on my watch.

        In walks the woman in the white coat. She smiles down at me, but I don’t buy any of it and I look up at you to make sure you’re not either. She shakes your hand, which I’ve learned is the human’s way of sniffing buts.

        You both talk for a long moment. Your words are shaky and you smell like sweat. I try to get up to come over to your side, but my back legs won’t listen to me anymore. They’ve been like that for awhile. They hurt. I try not to whimper, but sometimes I can’t help it. And lately, I’ve been thinking my time is getting short. We dogs know these things. Maybe humans do too. The naps are getting longer, my joints are getting stiffer and food doesn’t taste so good. I just need to know you’re ready.

        You kneel down beside me and rest your forehead on mine. You kiss my nose. I’ve always loved your nose kisses. I can feel hot tears streaming down your face. I’m so caught up in you that I almost don’t notice the needle prick into my arm. I’m just relieved she pricked me and not you.

        I lap at your face, I hate when you’re sad. And on the edge of my tongue I breathe the hot words out towards you, hoping you’ll hear, “I knew from the very first moment I saw you…”

        It’s a story I repeat to you anytime you’re crying. I sing it to you through every kiss, every look, every wiggle of my tail. It’s the song of love. It’s the song of us.

        You smile. You pet my ear. You whisper back.

        I think that you must have heard me because you say, “It’s okay now. You can go home. You can rest. I promise I’ll come and find you someday.”

        That’s just what I needed, to know that you’re okay. Everything will be okay. I lay my head back down because I am so very tired.

        I let my breath out and release the tension in my bones. You come in and out of view until all I can feel is your soft hand trailing through my fur and I drift off to the sound of your voice, my favorite sound in the whole universe.

        You sing softly. I can just make out the words, “I knew from the very first moment I saw you…”