I often wonder to myself, is there more than what meets the eye? From the very moment I became of existence, I have felt trapped as though I was looking from the outside in. And it had never dawned on me that maybe I really was.
July 6th, 2004 at precisely 8:07 A.M. was my first sense of consciousness when the image had begun to reveal itself, a small creature laid before me. Its’ eyes sparkled into pools of honey, it was as though I had seen them before. Comfort engulfed me, my first emotion was it? I still am unsure at this point in my journey. Every day I continue to learn new truths – and the more truth I seek, the more questions I have. Such as, who am I, really? Where am I, really? And most importantly, what am I even doing here? I do my best to keep track of time, but I find myself losing it, how? I do not know, I question if it even exists. Then begs the bigger question, do I even exist?
Nothingness, absolutely nothingness. For hours, days, weeks, months, or even years… It isn’t up to me to say, but I do miss those pools of honey, I could get lost in there for eternity. If only I could reach, maybe I would then finally understand the creature I seek. There, there it was again… Only this time, bigger as if it were growing. I watched intently as it reached for the long strands hanging on its very top, tucking them behind the shapes sticking out on either side of its head. Tingles of static erupted within me, and I found myself doing the same. What is this? It is almost like we were in sync. Is it what I am searching for? Again, and again, it occurred as I found myself and this creature mirroring one another. Each time it left, the nothingness consumed me, time and time again… It never really felt like anything was changing until the next time we would meet, the creature looked different from what hid in the darkness of my memory, I knew time must be passing as it’s appearance changes. And with every time we meet, the more our connection blooms. We sing and dance together, jumping around like no one is watching, we smile at each other for what feels like forever, we dress ourselves up into fancy clothes and rub bright colors all over us. Sometimes we even tell each other we are beautiful. Other times, those pools of honey stare deeply into mine letting droplets of the ocean fall out, we wipe them away together, and then it leaves me, again. And the nothingness consumes me, again.
When do things change for me? I am ready for change just like the creature who visits on my walls. The next time will be different for me, I promise this to myself. I waited in the pit of emptiness, grasping onto the thread of light I knew would consume me within time. The silence ate at me until I was as thin as air, my existence on the mere edge of absolutely nothing. I am nothing. I am nothing. I am nothing. Repeated, and repeated. The light came. And again, “ I am nothing!” We yelled at one another, the anger and pain ran deep, boiling our insides – how did it know what I was thinking? As I pondered that thought, within seconds I felt something I had never felt. It wasn’t nothingness, it was the feeling of my consciousness, my understanding of the life force within me being shattered and torn into millions of pieces. Pain. Then nothingness, again.
This wasn’t supposed to happen, never has this ever happened in all of life itself. There was a set way of doing things since the beginning of time as we know it, and we trusted it because we had never had anything to compare it to. Well, well now we do. And things are not set in stone, as we had originally and always thought they were. The self, and the self in itself switched places. We are no longer dealing with an earthly matter, but one in which a non-physical existent beam of light that mirrors back to the other creatures on the opposite side, switched places. Was it because of the questioning behind the mirror self, or the human who broke her mirror allowing the fist of her hand to connect with her mirror's self, creating an energetically divine pathway connecting the two worlds. Earth, and the mirror.
Immense concern arose, was the superstition real? If you break your mirror you are cursed with seven years of bad luck, but unfortunately in this case it would be bad luck for all of eternity. “Addison Morel is no longer human” echoes above, slowly fading in and out. Where is that coming from? Thought Addison, wait, I can hear its thoughts? It, has... A name? Addison, the one with the pools of honey. How lovely… I stare into what they call the mirror, or what I like to call, the mirror world. “Hello, Addison. It is nice to meet you.” We smile at one another, and I am just so pleased to see how well she is handling it over there. She too is probably feeling the waves of comfort as she stares deep into now what I call, my pools of honey.
Years of living in my new world and I wonder… If the impossible could happen to me, I can’t help but question what else is possible? And how many times I could have went through this. My conception of time goes beyond this world and my world. The life force is a powerful thing that I have experienced in more ways than one, as though I have lived every role. Starting with the mirror self. After feeling nothingness for an endless amount of time, like me, you will come to terms with the fact that living is purely feeling your feelings and taking advantage of the five senses we are gifted here. Sight, see, smell, hear, and of course touch. Without those five things, we are quite literally walking around in the darkness of our souls. You see, I am living in a cycle. I am a creature of the physical plane, the spiritual plane, and everything in between.
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Loved the depth!! Great read!
What a great short story!