Here comes Mr Clumsy!

Write a story with a character making excuses :-

“Here comes ‘Mr Clumsy”!

“I’m sorry for knocking those flowers over, but I really couldn’t see,

despite those flowers being bright and bold, and being right in front of me!

“There’s water still in the vase, but most of it is on the floor,

and I won’t bother scooping it up, when it’s easier

to pour some more!

“I’m sorry about wetting the bed last night, but I had too much to drink,

and it was that home-brew cabbage wine, that I

found deep within the kitchen sink!

I definitely wouldn’t recommend it though, and it

requires those with no sense of taste or smell,

and I think that the ingredients come from the

deepest swamps in hell !

Whoever thought that wine would be a good idea-

“I do not understand”-

unless it’s been created to give to guests that you

really cannot stand!

“I’m very sorry for spilling my coffee, but my mug

was over-filled,

and then I had a shaky hand, and inevitably it

spilled”!

“My eyesight is deteriorating, ‘which I put down

to mostly old age’,

unless my Osteoporosis, and other disabilities

have reached a fatal stage?

“I’m sorry that I woke you, but I’m being very

clumsy tonight,

‘and unfortunately I can’t control the noises like

‘you’ might?

But I had another bout of spasms, and some

plates fell to the floor,

and, ‘to cut a long story short’, “they’re not

with us anymore”!

“I’m sorry that there’s water everywhere, and

it’s because the water came rushing from the

tap,

and it rebounded from the crockery in the

sink, which caused this wet mishap”!

“I’m NOT sorry that I married you, you’ve been

a good friend to me,

and we’ve shared good times together,

despite my disability”!

I managed to walk ‘down the aisle’, but I had

support on either side,

And I agreed with the vicar, that I should be

your groom, and you should be my bride.

The day of my wedding, nearly featured bad burn marks to the face, when my future brother in law tripped on the carpet, as he entered my bedroom, whilst holding onto a hot mug of coffee for me!

I didn’t wet myself, when he drove me to the church later, in record time! He was obviously enjoying driving our car and testing its top speed and braking capability, as well as my bladder and bowel control!

We arrived at the church in plenty of time, ‘obviously’, and ‘in fact’, we were there to see the previous wedding trying to have some photos taken outside, because the stormy weather previously had obviously ‘held up’ proceedings, but at least it was drying up now.

There would be no other errors on that day, unless you’re the ‘best man’, and the victim of my speech-“which might seem cruel now”?

The clumsiness would increase though, especially with old age, and standing up from my wheelchair is a greater test of my balance and bone strength now, and I had a very dramatic fall, as ‘Mr Clumsy’ would, and I really hurt my hip, and I, unusually, felt the severe pain straight away, and I thought that it was quite serious, because after I suffered my stroke, my sense of feeling is quite shallow, but I fought the pain overnight, but I didn’t get any sleep, which I hoped to get on the carpeted living room floor, for that night, and maybe see a large bruise there during the following morning, but I lay on the floor all night, and the pain was too great to sleep through, and so, eventually a Doctor came out, in the mid-morning to see me first, before an ambulance was finally called, which arrived 3 hours later, and I eventually went to hospital, where I had X-rays taken, which were very surprising, because they showed why I was in so much pain, and it was because I had broken the top of my thigh bone, which connects with the pelvis, and it was just ‘floating’ outside of the pelvis, which ‘itself’ looked slightly cracked!

I thought that the damage was unusually sore, but I was very surprised and concerned to see these X-rays, which made me feel very brave and tough, but it’s really because my sense of feeling isn’t very good, but fortunately it could be operated on, and hopefully amended during the very beginning of the following day!

So, I was operated on, and I don’t remember a thing about it, other than that I received a ‘hip hemiarthroplasty, and I am the proud owner of a titanium hip, that’s joined to the thigh bone also, but I was to undergo further testing to establish why it was that my bones should break that easily!

Eventually I was diagnosed with Osteoporosis, ‘on top’ of my existing disabilities that mostly keep me in my wheelchair now, especially after learning that I am at high risk of breaking other bones in my body, within the next ten years, but there are many worse off than me, and I always try to be cheerful, despite my test results being dire, but they explain my obsession with the sunshine and its warmth, and why I really favour the Spring and the Summer months, and it’s ’ because of my requirement of Vitamin D, which is drastically low, and I need a very high dosage of vitamin D, and Calcium before they will carry-out further “tests”! But, I know now that I should be more careful, and start to become ‘Mr Careful’ instead!

“I wasn’t pleased to hear my latest diagnosis,

with the conclusion being that I suffer with

Osteoporosis”,

‘But, going to different hospitals and seeing those

who are ‘much worse than me’,

receive my deepest sorrow, and my deepest

sympathy!

The nurses. and the doctors of the NHS deserve respect, and they help you during those dire times,

so show some gratitude and kindness, and not like they’ve just committed crimes!