Trapped

Trapped

By Earvin Eugene

Barry Smith was a struggling student. He did not belong anywhere. He worked ambitiously in school but could never reap the benefits of his labor. Everyone advised him to keep trying but he never gained anything except superficial societal acceptance. All his seniors advised him to attain the lifestyle of the past of being educated, gain a somewhat lucrative job in medicine or engineering, and be independent to start a family. This lifestyle did not suit him. See, he was a funny and nice guy. And everyone wanted him to develop to something he was not. He was eccentric and friendly. Society wanted to quiet his tone. His dad never liked when he was too ecstatic, and his mother just followed her husband’s orders. She would pretend to be defiant, but she did everything he said. The father wanted to plan everything for the family. His plans would backfire, which happens when you always plan for others but would place the blame on his children. His father was a hardworking nobody and enjoyed the quiet life of being in complete control of his domain. Peace of mind when telling everyone what to do. He provided that was his best attribute. Boring and controlling was all he was. Most people tolerated his behavior for the fact that he had considerable wealth, but nobody liked him. Perhaps, he was doing his best. Nobody is perfect. However, he never looked in the mirror to see the negative impact he has on others or maybe he just lives with himself knowing he provides material things. At the end of the that is all that is expected of the traditional man of the house.

Barry always found it strange that his father would be domineering and lackluster with his children but always wanted to put on a show for guests as kind and hospitable. It was fake but maybe that is what society is all about. Hiding your true colors but presenting to strangers as respectable and considerate. Barry did not like the whole appearing as one to thing to strangers but not placing the same amount of effort to your actual loved ones. That is, one defining factor of the problems the father and son faced together. Never seeing eye to eye. Barry wanted the wealth but did not want to pretend. When he did pretend it was with writing. He created a world of literary fiction for venting. His father would read but only found comfort in pseudo-intellectual novels. Nothing with real emotion or grit. Just something that added to vocabulary or perceived knowledge. His father was aware of some of his shortcomings and would honestly mention them in private but never do anything to change for the better. Just sulk in a quick moment of disapproval. Due to pressure to succeed, constant lack of acceptance, trauma, and uncontrolled emotions Barry would have to be on medications. One to be alert, one to sleep, one for anxiety, and one to control his temperament in general. He had to manage his life by escaping from himself. His father liked the fact that he was on all this medication for it seemed to have a neutering effect. It must be understood that his father was cowardice and frail therefore avoiding confrontations. Always making Barry dependent on him and being manipulative. As Barry was vibrant and stocky. He played along and let his father have control of his life as he needed him for certain things. His family was traditional and pseudo-liberal. Believing that your children should be placed on as many legal prescribed medications but stray away from anything else. As many have experienced even prescribed medications can be a gateway drug. His father being old school would refrain from even prescribed medications even though his body was failing him but would advise and recommend his wife and children on medications who were in better health than him on most days. So is life pushing onto others would you need most. Time would catch up to him as it does for everyone. His father would remind his children how much they needed him. Barry would just swallow the misbehavior and was fond of the good days when his father was calm and compliant. It was not in Barry’s nature to hold a grudge as God teaches lessons to all his children. To have malice in your heart will catch up to you in one way or another.

Barry found peace being trapped at home taking all his drugs. His only recreational use was alcohol and nicotine. Two things his parents hated at first but are slowly understanding that is who he is. Also, by being subjected to all prescribed drugs they felt he could manage himself. Although they did make sure to manage his habits of the amount of intake. Probably, for the best. Barry realized if he complied to most of his parents rulings, he would be accepted peace of mind and solitude to his own devices. Due to struggling mental health and life of control, Barry at this moment could not take on the responsibilities of a traditional lifestyle. He could not work a nine to five. Study at the doctoral level. Start a family and be independent. He was crippled. He had to pay dues in his passion of writing and hope for success. With the correct dosage of a stimulant, motivation from a confrontation or a failure, Barry could spill his guts on a book. Some days were bad with therapy and the dislike of an action from someone he knew but he persisted finding solace in his writing. Many thought he could not be successful. How could you achieve anything worthwhile without clocking into a profession. Many people only respecting success in the form of monetary achievements. This was on the back of Barry’s mind, but he believed good work brought good things in life especially with writing. Not only was it a form of therapy so that one day he may be self-sufficient but also, he could spread his influence into helping others. Make no mistake this was a selfish endeavor for Barry as he wanted to improve himself. He knew you entered this world alone and you leave alone as well.

Barry knew that all his short stories and books would make a difference. One day he would be established with many works and all the success he could dream of would come true. He just needed to keep releasing pieces. God has a plan for everyone. Barry believed he was finally on the right path. He would escape from the trapped life he lived to a world worth living. Right now, Barry is working on a masterpiece that will uplift himself and create a better world.