Those Without Shadows

I have heard of those who  live in a strange land where the inhabitants lack shadows.  Due to this fact, the mysterious oppidan do not have any proof of their existence. In this odd place, gravity has no purchase.  All that seems real is nothing, but an illusion. This place is a prison, because those who live sequestered in this place are confined by an enormous wall that has no beginning or end. There is no connection with time, creating an illusion that this place exists in a vacuum.

They spend all their time looking for a way out.  They are all searching for a portal to the other side, but our search continues to be in vain. They will spend every hour looking and searching for the passage back to the world they left behind.

Each day new members join the other shadowless people in a journey searching for something that may or may not exist.  

“How did you come to be here?” They will ask the others who are without a shadow.  

He will look at you without expression and empty eyes, “I have no idea.  You?”

You will just shrug and shuffle in the opposite direction, shadowless.  

You will spend all your time looking for a way out.  Everyone is searching for a portal to the other side, but their search continues to be in vain.  

“If we get to the other side, we will get our shadows back.” One of them will tell you in confidence.  You’ll have no way of knowing if that was true, but it’ll give you hope and meaning to your traveling.

All you will know for sure is, this place does not have a name and from all that  I have heard, it probably doesn't deserve one.  And in this empty place, you’ll feel as though you’ve always been here.

“Donald.” I hear my wife’s voice call to me. 

My dream evaporates as my eyes flutter open. I am glad to be back from that place that has haunted all of my dreams.  

I have slept through my alarm again. 

“You’ve overslept.” Grace gives me a gentle shake. 

“Damn.” I groan thinking that I have to get moving.  We have a staff meeting in an hour.  

“Got your coffee.” She opens the curtains, letting the sun scream into the room.

“You’re the best.” I kiss her on the cheek.

“Better get into the shower.” She smiles. I did not have time to tell her of my recurring bizarre dream.  I’ve told about it before and she thought it was cute.  I didn’t think it was cute, because it seemed so real.  

After taking my shower and having a sip or two of coffee, I completely forgot about my nightmare. I look in the mirror, with the light on, I can see my shadow clearly.  I do not know why this nightmare bothers me since I hardly ever notice my shadow as it is.   

“C’mon Donald.  You're gonna be late.” Grace is knocking on the door.

“I’m almost ready.” I respond as I finish shaving.  

I manage to get to the office just as the staff meeting is starting.  Some of my coworkers give me an expression of disparagement since I have a reputation of showing up late.  

Mr. Ross, the section supervisor, went over the agenda as I sat there looking out the window through most of the meeting. 

“I want to warn you to be careful if you are missing your shadows.” He concluded the meeting.

Was I hearing things?  Did he really say that or was I daydreaming and let my nightmare take control?

Walking out of the conference room, I turned to Jordan Wilks who wandered back to her desk.

“Jordan, why did Mr. Ross say to be careful if you missed your shadows as we were leaving?” I asked her as she began to click away at her computer.  

“I wasn’t really paying attention.” She shrugged. 

“Oh, okay.” I nodded as I walked to my desk.

The sun was streaming in the windows. There were a thousand shadows everywhere. Shadows were everywhere. Normally I would not notice this unremarkable detail, but I was now suddenly aware of the dark spaces we left behind us.  

“Donald, glad you could make the meeting.” Mr. Ross leaned on the outside wall of my cubicle.  He was being sarcastic of course, but I felt I deserved it.

“Sir, did you say ‘I want to warn you to be careful if you are missing your shadows?’” I unexpectedly remembered what he said verbatim.

“Are you being careful?” His smirk unnerved me.  Sure, as a supervisor he was a pain in the keister, but he usually made sense.

“If I could.” I stumbled for a moment, “What did you mean by that?” 

For a moment he looked befuddled, but regaining his composure, he nodded, “Losing a shadow can be a traumatic thing.”

“How so?” I swallowed hard.

“You’re a bright guy, you figure it out.” He chuckled and walked into his office. 

By quitting time, I had completely forgotten the exchange I had with Mr. Ross after the meeting.  I pressed the button for the elevator.  The door whooshed open and I got into the elevator car.  There was only one other person in there when I got on.  He was facing away from me, but then he turned and my blood ran cold.

He had no face.

My eyes were wide and my mouth agape. 

From a transmitter device, he spoke, “Good afternoon Mr. Harper.”

“Who…who…are you?” 

“I am an escaped shadow.” 

“What are you doing here?” My voice immediately went hoarse.

“Reminding you that you are one of us.” His transmitter buzzed and then he continued, “You will lose your shadow shortly and with it your soul.” 

“Why…are you doing this to me?” I mashed myself against the opposite wall.

“There are those without shadows.” He explained, “Your nightmares as you call them are a forewarning of what is to come.”   

“I don’t understand.” I gasped.

“There is no need for you to understand.” His coat sleeve rose as if to point a finger at me, but the sleeve was empty. The elevator door opened and some people entered, but the faceless man was no longer there.

I managed to exit the elevator before the door closed, but I had been shaken to the core.

Was I about to be punished for some misdeed I had done in the past?  I never thought about my shadow until today.  The nightmare came regularly, but it was easy to discard and a relief to say the least. 

“Are you all right?” Grace asks as I have eaten dinner and was watching television without saying a single word.

“I had a pretty rough day.” I admit.

“Want to tell me about it?” She asks, leaning toward me on the couch. 

“I don’t know how to explain it.” I shake my head slowly. 

“Do your best.  I’m here to support you.” 

“You always have.” I say in a whisper as I take her hand into mine. 

“I hate seeing you like this.” She says gently, “I know that the job can be a pain-”

“It’s not the job.” I exhale.

“Then what is it?” 

I exhale a little more forcefully.  I inhale as if this will bring me courage, “I have this nightmare…”

“I know something is wrong the way you thrash about, waking me up.” She tilts her head.

“I dream that I am in this strange place where people are walking, but none of them have any shadows.” I close my eyes as if the nightmare his hiding in the darkness.

“Sounds pretty upsetting.” 

“It is.” I acknowledged. “It feels like this nightmare is trying to take over my life.” 

Prophetic words to say the least.  That evening as I fell asleep watching television, the faceless man woke me with a start.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.  I could feel myself tremble underneath my robe. 

“I came to check on you.” 

“What for?  Do I need to be checked on?” I said with a bit of an edge to my inquiry.  

“Most certainly.” He laughed, but then there was static in his transmitter. 

“I don’t understand why you are hounding me.” I turn away from my uninvited guest.  

“It should be clear.” More static, “I am here to make you one of us.” 

“Why?” I feel my energy drain at that moment.

“Because you have signed a contract.” He holds out a piece of paper even though he does not have hands. 

“I never signed anything for you.” I huffed.

“Is that your signature at the bottom?” 

I lean in to take a closer look.  It is my signature, but I know I have never seen this document before. “It’s a forgery.” 

“I know a lot of my clients would claim that to be the case, however-” There is a dramatic pause before he continues, “I can have this brought to court to prove its authenticity.” 

“What court?” I definitely reply.  

“A much higher court than one of yours.” 

“My chances would be about zero, right?” I shake my head.

“No, no, we would accommodate your legal needs.” 

With that final statement, he disappears into thin air.

I close my eyes.  

I see the sun high in the azure blue sky.  I see a line of people walking along the wall.  These people have no shadows.  Watching from my vantage point, I can see they all carry an expression of hopelessness.

“Young man.” I hear one of them call out and it takes me a moment before I realize he is talking to me.

“Yes?  What can I do for you?” I ask him.

“I am Absolm.” He says.

“I am Donald Harper.” I reply.

“Down here we only need one name.” He tells me.

“How come?”

“Why would you need another name when you have come to this godforsaken place?” He shakes his head. “No one cares about your surname.”

“What?”

“When they take your shadow away, they also take your surname as well.” 

“How come?”

“They don’t tell ya.  It’s just part of the rules of this dreadful place.” Absolm begins his journey along the wall.

I see no guards or security to watch over them.  I wonder why they don’t try to scale the walls.  The walls are over a hundred feet, but if no one is watching, why wouldn’t they at least try it?  

“Who were you talking to last night?” Grace asks me when I get out of the shower. 

“No one.” I answer.

“I heard you talking to someone.” She looked me in the eye.

“I fell asleep with the television on.” 

“Nonsense, I turned it off when I went to bed.” 

I knew that.  When I was talking with the faceless man, the television was not turned on. 

“I was having one of my nightmares again.” I added quickly. 

“I think you need to talk to someone about these nightmares.” She suggested. 

At the office I asked one of my trusted coworkers, Troy Bishop who he might recommend.  Troy was diagnosed with PTSD when he was in Iraq.  While he chose to bypass the VA in favor of a private counselor, he knew a lot about some of the local psychiatrists.  He recommended Dr. Weston who had his office a few blocks from ours.  

I went to schedule an appointment at lunch.  Instead, Dr. Weston told me that he wanted to do a preliminary assessment right then.

“So you are Donald Harper?” He looked over the form I filled out in the waiting room.

“Correct.” 

“No history of military service?” He raised an eyebrow.

“No sir.” I shook my head.

“But you are having these awful nightmares?” 

“I have these nightmares and a faceless man who has threatened to take me into my nightmare.” I could not believe I was saying this.  I felt they were going to lock me up for such a crazy statement.

“Faceless man?  How often does he visit you?” 

“He just started about two weeks ago.” I answered, surprised that he was calling for security.

“And where is this place in your nightmares?” He asks as he starts to scribble some notes on a legal pad. 

“The place has no name, but the people there are without shadows.” 

“Without shadows?” He wrinkles his forehead without much hair. 

“Yes, they walk around without having shadows even though the sun is out.” My throat is dry, “I’ve been told-”

“By who?”

“I’ve had conversations with some of those without shadows.” My mouth feels dry like a desert. I can feel the grit on my tongue. “They say that when they lost their shadows, they also forfeited their souls.”

“Really?” He leaned forward.  I could not believe that his facial expression was that of concern, because as the words left my mouth, I felt as if I was a certifiable lunatic. “Normally I would diagnose this as a psychosis, but under the circumstances, I have some first hand knowledge of what you’re talking about.”

“What do you mean, Dr. Weston?” I was dumbfounded by his statement.

“You see, my son, Gregory, was contacted by a faceless man.  He told me of this place you have described.” He paused and put his head in his hands before continuing, “Three days he disappeared without a trace.  I contacted the police, but so far I have heard nothing. Now you are telling me what I thought was a nightmare may be more than that.  I would give anything to find my son.  Anything.” 

“I don’t want to go there.  There seems to be more suffering than I can take.” I feel tears pushing on the sides of my eyes. 

“You tell those monsters to take me instead.” His face became frozen in an expression of anger.

“I will let them know.” I rose to my feet. “Will there be anything else?”

He closed his eyes and shook his head.

“I am here again.” The faceless man chirped over his transmitter. 

“Why are you here?” I asked knowing full well what his answer would be.

“I am here to take you. Your time has come.” 

“What if I tell you someone else wants to go instead of me?” 

“That would not be acceptable.” His transmitter squeaked.

“Why not?”

“Because you have been identified as someone who must go to the place of those without souls…I mean shadows.  You have not earned the privilege of making a deal.” His transmitter spoke in a heavy purposely slower cadence. “You have been found to be negligent of your duty toward a loved one.” 

Loved one?  What was he talking about?

“Your brother and you went for a hike through the woods when you came upon some ice.  Instead of trying to get around it, you both walked over the ice.  It crackled and broke, because he was heavier than you and he went into the icy water.”

How could he know about this?  I never told anyone. 

“You did not tell anyone until it was too late.” 

“I was scared.” I began to shake.

“You could have saved him.  He was just a boy.” 

“So was I.” I could feel the tears roll down my cheeks.

“Never once did you say you were sorry.” 

“I wanted to forget it.  I wanted to bury-” I stopped, my mouth felt as if it was frozen in terror.

“You have been reprimanded to spend eternity without your shadow.  Without your soul.”

“Can you tell me where he is, my brother?” I asked.

“No, I cannot.” 

“I just want to tell him how sorry I was.” I fell to my knees wiping the tears from my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt.

“It is time, Donald Harper.” The faceless man evaporated in a swirling vortex which swallowed me whole.  I felt myself being lifted in the vortex that was in total darkness.  In the darkness, I felt my shadow being ripped away from me, but I knew there was more being extracted in that moment. 

There was a whirling and then a hard landing in this place with no name.  The sun was searing down, but when I looked, I saw there was no shadow following me as I joined the others in their search for a way out even though I was well aware I would never find it.