More Stars than I can Count

10 PM

I ring the doorbell. Through the milky glass in the little window of the door, I can see blurry figures. They waver and melt into another. One of the figures grows larger and larger as someone nears the door and opens it. 

“ Welcome, my darling.” Sabina greets me, champagne glass in one hand. She giggles and pulls me inside. There are about 20 people in the entrance area alone. I know the house is huge and so are the gardens. There must be around 200 people at the party. Sabina has already disappeared back into the crowd. I smile at some people I recognize from last year’s party. They nod politely, some raise their glass in a silent toast when the recognize me back. Sabina throws a huge New Year’s Eve party every year, and every year I attend, despite the fact that I hate huge crowds of strangers and spend the party alone every year.

I walk through the glittering crowd. Everything glitters. The glasses, the dresses of the women. Some men even wear glittery ties or glitter powder in their hair. Their conversations are loud and there is much laughter.

11 PM

The glass in my hand is still full. I have been holding it for half an hour. Some man started talking to me and decided I need a drink. Or rather, he said:

“ Well, a fella can’t drink alone!” And shoved a glass into my hand. Then he started talking about his horses, how beautiful they are, how popular they make him with the ladies.

“ Every lady likes a good ride, am I right? Heheheheh!” He chuckles to himself, and I decide it is time to ditch him.

I debate wether I should ditch the party as well, but then I remember how mad Sabina was, when another guest just disappeared. She had stormed through the crowd, throwing her empty glass to the floor, shouting “Sergei? Sergei! Where the devil is that man? How could he leave my party like this?”.

I decide to stay and walk towards the terrace. The night sky is the color of ink, with spotlights breaking the darkness and giving it an ugly yellow tint. I end up here every year and look at the sky. Every year, I try and count the stars, and every year, I see less and less because of the light pollution. So far, there are still too many to count and I lose track. I fear, that someday, I won’t.

The gardens below the terrace, contrast the sky immensely.I think the number of lights in the garden doubles each year. The first time Sabina invited me, there was a string of fairy lights in a few trees. Now, there are fairy lights in every tree, little lanterns that line the walk ways, spotlights that turn Sabina’s countless garden statues into pale ghostly figures and LED lights that line the hedges like color changing blossoms.

“ Too bright eh?” Says a deep voice next to me. I turn my head to see a young man, dressed in an elegant loose white shirt and dark pants. I look back at the lights, hoping I won’t have to make awkward small talk with another stranger. He does not move. After a long silence, I decide to say something. Maybe it will make him go away.

“ I think Sabina adds a new light in her garden for every star that disappears from the sky.” He smiles. We stand in silence a while longer. Then he pulls out a pack of cigarettes.

“Smoke?” I shake my head. He shrugs and takes a lighter from his pocket.

“ Keep me company at least?” He lights the cigarette.

“ I know which parts of the garden aren’t full of neon light.” While I would usually dread having to talk more to some strange man, I follow him, because a corner with no neon light sounds great.

11:30 PM

He and I sit on a marble bench, tucked away in the corner of the garden furthest away from the house. We can hear music and laughter, but only faintly, as if the hedges are whispering and singing under their breaths. I look at him, sitting beside me. He takes a drag of his cigarette, the end flares up glowing red and then he exhales a cloud of smoke. The cloud drifts up and catches the faint light of the garden. I can see it billowing and changing shape as it slowly drifts up into the sky.

“ My name is Max by the way.” He says and takes another drag. 

“ Smoking kills, Max.” 

“ Yeah...” He laughs. “ But I look hella sexy doing it”

I don’t argue. I’m still holding the glass that the horse man shoved into my hand. Cautiously, I take a sip. Apple and plum, mixing in with cinnamon and the bitter taste of some mystery alcohol.

“ Sabina’s special punch?” Max points at my drink. 

“ Yes” My voice is raspy. I offer him the glass. He takes it, carefully sips and grimaces. I laugh. He hands the glass back, finishes his cigarette and flicks the stub into the bushes. We share the rest of the drink in silence. I begin to enjoy his company, the little words we speak and the silence that is for once not awkward, but welcoming. 

When the glass is empty, Max turns his face and looks me straight in the eye. His eyes are dark, I cannot make out their exact color. There is a question in them as he slowly moves closer to me. I am about to shake my head, when we hear cheering from the direction of the house. Max jumps up, grabs my hand and pulls he along through the garden, towards the house.

11:58 PM

Sabina has gathered everyone on the terrace. Max and I are in the back, standing the the shadows next to a decorative shrub. Sabina’s voice is excited, her glittery dress reflects the light around her like a disco ball.

“ So, we begin at the stroke of midnight. All lights will be turned off.” She nods towards the house, where on cue, all the lights are suddenly dark.

“ Good luck and have fun!” Sabina raises her glass and the crowd mirrors her. They all begin shouting the count down.

Ten... nine... eight... seven... six... five... four... three... two... one.... Happy New Year! Everyone cheers as the fireworks illuminate the sky. Then, everyone begins running.

Sabina plays this game every year. She likes to call it “ The New Years Kiss Hunt”. All lights are turned off and a good 150 guests run around the house, trying to win a kiss. Usually each person has a target they have chosen during the mingling period of the party. For an hour, they get to chase after their target and demand a kiss if they catch them. No one is forced to participate and no one is forced to kiss on the mouth. Sabina usually wins the most kisses, I usually stay on the terrace with the other people who don’t participate and watch the fireworks, but this year, Max pushes me in and I am dragged along by the crowd. 

Max disappears right away.The crowd thins out. I can hear shrieks, laughter, quiet whispering and in some rooms, moans. Every so often, a burst of fireworks will illuminate the halls and rooms, silhouettes lined in gold and red and green sparks dance past the windows. I run along the second floor, ducking into door ways and behind plants to avoid groups of giggling ladies and some very determined looking young men. Sabina rushes past me at some point being chased by three men and a woman. I hide behind a statue and curse Max for disappearing.

Suddenly, a hand is over my mouth and a pair of strong arms pulls me into a room. I struggle a bit. I really don’t like this game and wish I had stayed outside, but when I turn to see Max grinning at me, I relax.

“ You left me, you idiot!” I say dramatically. He shrugs.

“ I had to find a nice room for us.” He winks at me and throws himself onto a couch.

The room is indeed nice. A groups of sofas and chairs, expensive art lines the walls, large windows that face the garden.

Footsteps approach the door. Max grabs me and pulls me behind a sofa. He places a finger against my lips and winks at me again. We can hear a woman, entering the room. She giggles, tries to calm her breath and hides behind a chair. Another person comes in.

“ Little mouse, I know you are hiding in here!” The person is a man. He walks around the room and closes in on the couch Max and I are hiding behind. I shoot an alarmed look at Max, who looks very amused. Just as the footsteps are almost next to us, I hear the woman jump up.

“ Too slow my dear” she laughs and bolts out of the room. The man laughs and runs after her. Soon after he has left the room, I hear him laugh triumphantly and the woman sigh in mocked resignation.

I realize I am holding my breath and release the tension from my body. A firework illuminates Max’s face, scrunched up, trying to hold in his laughter. I roll my eyes at him and make a gagging sound. Max can no longer control himself and I join him.

We stay behind the couch for a while, then dart out of the room, tip toeing from shadow to shadow. Many people run past us. We make it back into the garden, back to our bench and sit down. We watch the fireworks, listen to the laughs, trying to catch our breaths.

Max produces two little cakes out of nowhere and hands me one. We toast with the cakes and I am about to take a bite, when Max smears his in my face. I promptly do the same to him. Now, I have a strawberry cream cake all over my nose, he, a lemon tart over his forehead and in his hair. I reach up, scoop some of the lemon tart onto my finger and taste it.

“ Not bad.” I say.

My face is very close to his, almost too close. I see the same question in his eyes from earlier, but this time, I don’t shake my head. This time, I lean in and kiss him. He tastes of cigarettes and Sabina’s punch and the kiss is sticky with cake. I pull away and smile at him. A firework explodes over our heads. I can see it in Max’s eyes, the reflection of the light that branches out and breaks into a million star-like sparks.

“Look” he whispers. “The stars are back.”

6 AM

The sky is a cold blue and yellow, misty and full of smoke. Max is asleep, his head in my lap. A thin smile is on his lips. Gently, I move his head from my lap, onto the grass. He mumbles something, but continues sleeping. I place a kiss on his temple and stand up.Then, I walk towards the house. The lawn is littered with empty glasses, the rests of fireworks and the occasional passed out party guest. Sabina waves at me from one of the couches.

“ See you next year.” She mumbles.

“I don’t know if you will.” I smile to myself and walk through the front door.